[TwitchdelaBRAT]

So, I went on a date with an INTJ and it went great.
We went to dinner, went to a concert, had a drink and the night went well.
We talked, felt a connection so deep I can't describe it.
Didn't kiss, nothing more than holding hands and I kissed her cheek/forehead.
We left on a great note and she even held my hand as we departed company.

But as a couple days passed, I texted her a couple times saying things most women like to hear.
Such as "I can't wait to see you again" and "You texting me perked me up" after she texted me out of the blue.
Apparently I'm too emotionally needy?
Idk, as an INFJ I understand I can be emotional compared to a thinker, but I'm confused.
Also, there was an incident involving her most recent ex that I had been witness to, while they were dating.
It turned into a "He said, he said/she said/they lied" situation.
I told the truth and they lied to cover their own a$$es and in doing so made me look like a d-bag liar.
Needless to say I don't talk to those people any more. Doorslam and all that jazz.

Anyway, she won't talk to me any more and I look like a total a-hole, emotional wreck.
Mind you this connection we had has touched me so deeply that the loss of it has got me completely discombobulated and just effed up in general.



Anything I can do?
I'm dying here...

Twitch

[Mountainshepherd]

Well INTJs stereo-typically are uncomfortable with emotional reliance. You're comment about the deep connection suggests you might be displaying behaviour that would look that way to an INTJ.

I'd say your best bet is to call her on her crap, be direct, but you have to figure out how to do it artfully. You probably lost her respect with the displays of reliance, the only way to get her back is to get it back.

[searcheagle]

But as a couple days passed, I texted her a couple times saying things most women like to hear.
Such as "I can't wait to see you again" and "You texting me perked me up" after she texted me out of the blue.
Apparently I'm too emotionally needy?

Possibly. But her reaction matters more to me. Did she respond? What happened in the text exchange? How many times did you text her? etc?

However, there is another issue:

Also, there was an incident involving her most recent ex that I had been witness to, while they were dating.
It turned into a "He said, he said/she said/they lied" situation.
I told the truth and they lied to cover their own a$$es and in doing so made me look like a d-bag liar.
Needless to say I don't talk to those people any more. Doorslam and all that jazz.

Anyway, she won't talk to me any more and I look like a total a-hole, emotional wreck.
Mind you this connection we had has touched me so deeply that the loss of it has got me completely discombobulated and just effed up in general.

Anything I can do?
I'm dying here...

Twitch

My guess is the second paragraph did more damage than the first one. I am a little confused about this though. What sort of incident are you referring to? Did you catch him cheating and no other witness backed him up?

But my guess is that being seen as dishonest would be worse than emotionally needy. But without details, I'm just guessing.

[TwitchdelaBRAT]

I thought I should have gone back to her, but it seems she has cut off contact with me completely :(

Her reaction to my texts was that she doesn't like emotionally needy guys, she needs to feel passion in her relationship and that she never pursues that deep connection we both felt.
It really hurts thinking about the whole incident.

As for the incident she felt that I was saying the truth, but the overwhelming evidence against me has it kinda overruled anything I said.
The incident was I told her of an incident I thought she already knew about. The other 3 parties that were witness to it denied, but not as definitively as I confirmed it. And she said she believed me! But still goes with the logical choice rather than her intuition. Gah!!!

Twitch

[Tristan427]

Kick the other three parties asses. Find a way to make them tell the truth. MAKE THEM.

[TwitchdelaBRAT]

I don't want to even think of them. I don't want to be dominant over them, I just want them to be honest. Sensers suck. They don't realize the implications of their actions and statements.
If you understand the INFJ doorslam, I never wish to even feel their presence in the furthest reach of my mind, let alone converse with them. Any interaction with them is limited and hostile.

Twitch

[Dralud]

But as a couple days passed, I texted her a couple times saying things most women like to hear.
Such as "I can't wait to see you again" and "You texting me perked me up" after she texted me out of the blue.

I think that she knew you said things that most women like to hear, and took it as such, and it probably did not start it well.

[TwitchdelaBRAT]

I think that she knew you said things that most women like to hear, and took it as such, and it probably did not start it well.

But they weren't lies or manipulative words. I honestly meant what I said. I just didn't keep it to myself, I told her how I felt at that point. I was a little too outright with my emotions with her apparently. I need to contact her in person I guess.

Twitch

[Cetanu]

So, I went on a date with an INTJ and it went great.
We went to dinner, went to a concert, had a drink and the night went well.
We talked, felt a connection so deep I can't describe it.
Didn't kiss, nothing more than holding hands and I kissed her cheek/forehead.
We left on a great note and she even held my hand as we departed company.

But as a couple days passed, I texted her a couple times saying things most women like to hear.
Such as "I can't wait to see you again" and "You texting me perked me up" after she texted me out of the blue.
Apparently I'm too emotionally needy?
Idk, as an INFJ I understand I can be emotional compared to a thinker, but I'm confused.
Also, there was an incident involving her most recent ex that I had been witness to, while they were dating.
It turned into a "He said, he said/she said/they lied" situation.
I told the truth and they lied to cover their own a$$es and in doing so made me look like a d-bag liar.
Needless to say I don't talk to those people any more. Doorslam and all that jazz.

Anyway, she won't talk to me any more and I look like a total a-hole, emotional wreck.
Mind you this connection we had has touched me so deeply that the loss of it has got me completely discombobulated and just effed up in general.

Anything I can do?
I'm dying here...

Twitch

You seem female.
If you were a female I would stop talking to you because you're too emotional.
Seeing as you're male this means you are more emotional than most women that I can stand speaking to.

If you need someone to text you to perk you up, this tells me that you would need outside attention to stop you from dwelling in sadness.
You will probably object to this statement because it's "not true".
Well yes, that's because you're not being yourself, are you?
Stop telling people "What they want/like to hear" (ie. being dishonest) and be yourself.

You're welcome.

[TwitchdelaBRAT]

And now the stereotypical INTJ ass-ness comes out.
Her texting out of the blue is somewhat outside of her character, so it was nice to be the recipient of something that she doesn't normally do.

And see the above rebuttal about my prior statement. I wasn't being dishonest with her, I was just telling her how I felt rather than hiding it and waiting to converse with her at a later time.
I phrased that wrong, I should have said, "I told her I missed her and couldn't wait to see her again. I got a response I wasn't expecting."
Sound better?
And I was being myself at that point. I have been nothing but open and honest with this girl and all I have gotten was a slowly closed door and multiple locks on said door.

As for your "You seem female" statement, congratulations, you've joined the league of extraordinary perceivers. I'm not female, but I do get turned down like a girl asking another girl on a date.

Twitch