[Metis]

I think I'm approaching the question a little differently than others, but here it goes:



People usually have expectations of me when it's in an area that I've shown proficiency in. For example, I'm usually asked for help in areas that require creativity, logic, or problem-solving skills. It only gets to be too much when I feel like people are taking advantage of me and could probably do whatever it is themselves if they tried hard enough.

A specific situation in which someone has unrealistic expectations of me involves a close ESFP friend of mine. She manages to create all sorts of problems for herself and often comes to me about them because I usually give pretty good advice. The problem is that she now expects me to always have some sort of solution for her. She almost always says "tell me what I can do to fix... [insert problem here]". It's a lot of pressure to put on one person and can get very tiring, especially because I feel like I'm just repeating myself every time she comes to me for help.

[BallaMichelle]

It's a lot of pressure to put on one person and can get very tiring, especially because I feel like I'm just repeating myself every time she comes to me for help.

I'm curious as I can relate very well - how do you not end up giving up/yelling in frustration? I go bananas when I feel like what I'm saying is being ignored, especially if the same person comes back around in a redundant manner, same question and all.

[Irulan]

My intuition is telling me not to say this, but I am unable to find a logical reason why, so here is a test...

I am beginning to suspect that this thread is being answered according to enneagram type rather than MBTI functions. Maybe I am crazy.

[Metis]

I'm curious as I can relate very well - how do you not end up giving up/yelling in frustration? I go bananas when I feel like what I'm saying is being ignored, especially if the same person comes back around in a redundant manner, same question and all.

It's very difficult, to say the least. Sometimes it takes all my strength and self-control to maintain composure when I'm extremely frustrated with her. There have been times when I've just wanted to give up completely, but I feel like, as her friend, I should be there for her. It isn't as bad now as it has been in the past. I think she knows that I can only take so much of it. Unfortunately, no permanent solution has presented itself.

[oneoutside]

I do relate to the thread title, probably in a broader way than it was intended. I feel like my enitre personality is incompatible with what people expect of me; they take certain traits in people for granted, traits which I simply don't have and can't have. How do I feel? It's pretty damn frustrating at times because I realize how extensively I need to repress my natural self every day in order to get by, whereas others can be exactly who they want to be and society is totally happy with that. I say it frustrates me "at times" because I've become so used to adapting this way that a lot of the time I don't notice it. But when I do notice it, it slaps me pretty hard in the face and strikes me as incredibly sad and wrong.

All the time. I used to have it from my parents when I was younger (my parents used to work in a church, so I was the good pastor's daughter), and it annoyed me to no end. When my father was in counseling, he also used to believe the reason 'I couldn't be [some expected thing]' was because I was either ADHD or depressed. When I was at that age, it made me very sad and frustrated, and the more I was asked such a rhetorical question, the more I rebelled against the image.

Nowadays, I have the question when I have fights with my friends. Things that they say they admire about me - being honest, direct, and frank - are turned against me, usually in the form of 'Why can't you be more supportive?'. Now, it just disappoints me more than anything. I feel I provide what comes naturally to me, and if they dislike it, they ought to not be my friend, is all.

I so completely agree with and share everything you posted there. My parents were especially the same way, and it took a similar toll on me growing up.

[SilverScorpio17]

I don't get why, but people always expect me to answer all their questions regarding college applications, homework, and anything else that relates to school. I really don't mind answering their questions, it annoys me when they pretend to be friends just to get answers. I mean, it's not like I don't notice that they only call when they need something.

Oh, and I hate it when my parents have expectations from me too, about careers, grades, etc.

[Minty]

I get told I'm too quiet.
Because society says being a chatterbox = being friendly/happy/kind, people tend to think I'm not too friendly, or that I'm in a really bad mood. It's a bit annoying because I'm rarely ever in a bad mood. When I am feeling low, I go somewhere by myself. If I'm around people, that's actually a sign that I'm in a good place emotionally. I have to be to tolerate most people.
Honestly though, being a motormouth isn't an expectation I'm in a hurry to fulfill. I literally know people who are scared of what they call "awkward silence" so they ramble nonsense when they ought to be relaxing and enjoying the moment before the conversation picks up again naturally. I feel really sorry for them.

[SelfMadeBum]

My biggest problem with regard to this is my family.

I have relatives by the truckload. I do NOT have, nor do I want a relationship with but a few of them.

I don't understand why I'm expected to immediately like someone because "they're family".

That's insane.

[Mutatio NOmenis]

People try to get me to be what I'm not. I can never be normal, so go fuck yourself if you think that you can change me! I'll never be like you!