I’m a bit puzzled and confused. I just found out the INFP woman I was dating chose an ESTJ suitor over me. I admit I am somewhat frustrated and heartbroken, especially because I made a considerable investment in terms of time and effort. I even went the proverbial extra mile, but success was not achieved. :sad:
However, the big picture tells that this is just the latest defeat in a chain which goes back many years. This is even more perplexing because I’m relatively young (in my late 20s), professionally successful, academically smart, reasonably diplomatic –for INTJ standards–, pretty cosmopolitan, and intellectually curious. If I’m not mistaken, I guess those are desirable traits. Moreover, a woman once told me I’m a handsome man and that, if my personality were different, women would melt for me. However, I cannot just relinquish my INTJ-ness and become an ExTJ, I don’t know if such thing is possible, even if I wanted.
Furthermore, even the most enduring relationships I’ve ever had (with ESFP, ESFJ and ENFP women) eventually have come to an end. I honestly wonder if those relationships weren’t meant to last from the very beginning. Since the latest of them ended a few years ago, I’ve only experienced several one-night stands, which are highly gratifying, but are far from being fulfilling and/or meaningful. All women I’ve dated ever since (ESTP, ENTP, INFP) have either friendzoned me or chosen an alpha male (a.k.a. knight in shining armor) over me. This situation makes me believe INTJ-ness is a blessing and, simultaneously, a curse (pretty much like the mythical “mark of Cain”). Perhaps ignorance is indeed bliss.
On the other hand, failure is difficult to assimilate but, as an ultimate rational pragmatist (knowledgeable about political science, economics, history, finance and even high strategy), I’m reaching the conclusion that it’s utterly foolish to venture into endeavors for which I lack talent –i.e. no competitive advantage to speak of in the realm of romance–. Clever strategists often teach the metaphor that not all waterways are to be navigated; in other words, we cannot excel at every facet of life.
All of the above plus the aforementioned crushing defeat are discouraging. I feel like I should never lift a single finger for the sake of romance again. Perhaps this is the lesson I’m supposed to learn from this painful experience. After all, it’s not rational to invest in fruitless pursuits only because of wishful thinking. The situation I’m describing is like playing a stressful game that cannot be possibly won and whose ambiguous rules are mostly unclear, alien and incomprehensible for me.
Therefore, I’m seriously contemplating the idea of making peace with the possibility of remaining perpetually single. I realize it doesn’t sound pleasant at all but I think maybe it’s the lesser evil. The alternative would be recurrent failure and an increased bitterness (no expectations = no disappointments). Albert Einstein once remarked that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Attrition has become deeply exhausting and, hence, I’m afraid an “exit strategy” is needed to retire with dignity from the dating scene. This might sound sad or depressing but I fear that, in my case, it’s the wise thing to do under the circumstances.
So, I wonder if some fellow INTJs have reached similar conclusions. I would very much appreciate your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, advice, recommendations, interpretations, explanations and theories. Non-INTJs, please feel free to share your comments as well, if you like. Your insights will be more than welcome.
PS: @CroolUniqorn, @EyesOpen, @jeb, @Lucyyy, @Meltedsorbet, @OrangeAppled, @Zuflex, @Wytch, @pinky_whiz, @StaceofBass; @sweetraglansweater I would really appreciate your input.
However, the big picture tells that this is just the latest defeat in a chain which goes back many years. This is even more perplexing because I’m relatively young (in my late 20s), professionally successful, academically smart, reasonably diplomatic –for INTJ standards–, pretty cosmopolitan, and intellectually curious. If I’m not mistaken, I guess those are desirable traits. Moreover, a woman once told me I’m a handsome man and that, if my personality were different, women would melt for me. However, I cannot just relinquish my INTJ-ness and become an ExTJ, I don’t know if such thing is possible, even if I wanted.
Furthermore, even the most enduring relationships I’ve ever had (with ESFP, ESFJ and ENFP women) eventually have come to an end. I honestly wonder if those relationships weren’t meant to last from the very beginning. Since the latest of them ended a few years ago, I’ve only experienced several one-night stands, which are highly gratifying, but are far from being fulfilling and/or meaningful. All women I’ve dated ever since (ESTP, ENTP, INFP) have either friendzoned me or chosen an alpha male (a.k.a. knight in shining armor) over me. This situation makes me believe INTJ-ness is a blessing and, simultaneously, a curse (pretty much like the mythical “mark of Cain”). Perhaps ignorance is indeed bliss.
On the other hand, failure is difficult to assimilate but, as an ultimate rational pragmatist (knowledgeable about political science, economics, history, finance and even high strategy), I’m reaching the conclusion that it’s utterly foolish to venture into endeavors for which I lack talent –i.e. no competitive advantage to speak of in the realm of romance–. Clever strategists often teach the metaphor that not all waterways are to be navigated; in other words, we cannot excel at every facet of life.
All of the above plus the aforementioned crushing defeat are discouraging. I feel like I should never lift a single finger for the sake of romance again. Perhaps this is the lesson I’m supposed to learn from this painful experience. After all, it’s not rational to invest in fruitless pursuits only because of wishful thinking. The situation I’m describing is like playing a stressful game that cannot be possibly won and whose ambiguous rules are mostly unclear, alien and incomprehensible for me.
Therefore, I’m seriously contemplating the idea of making peace with the possibility of remaining perpetually single. I realize it doesn’t sound pleasant at all but I think maybe it’s the lesser evil. The alternative would be recurrent failure and an increased bitterness (no expectations = no disappointments). Albert Einstein once remarked that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Attrition has become deeply exhausting and, hence, I’m afraid an “exit strategy” is needed to retire with dignity from the dating scene. This might sound sad or depressing but I fear that, in my case, it’s the wise thing to do under the circumstances.
So, I wonder if some fellow INTJs have reached similar conclusions. I would very much appreciate your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, advice, recommendations, interpretations, explanations and theories. Non-INTJs, please feel free to share your comments as well, if you like. Your insights will be more than welcome.
PS: @CroolUniqorn, @EyesOpen, @jeb, @Lucyyy, @Meltedsorbet, @OrangeAppled, @Zuflex, @Wytch, @pinky_whiz, @StaceofBass; @sweetraglansweater I would really appreciate your input.