[Napoleptic]

This confuses me. I'm all for longterm committment, but does that really mean that I have to spend all my spare time with that person? I mean there are people that I love to death and really enjoy thier company, but I don't want to hang out all of the time. That is draining to me. I think it would be great if I could find a man who traveled a lot. That would be cool. I could be married and all that but not have to make all of my time about the guy, that way I can do what I want to do.

No. What @MindBomb said.

And I think I screwed up the quote (which is stupid since that's the only thing I really felt like posting but thought the OP would appreciate having all his questions answered), I think it was "my husband is the only person I enjoy being with more than I enjoy being alone." Small distinction, but it was bugging me.



Regardless, being alone in this context was referring to the larger sense, being alone as in not being in a relationship.

[Taneka Hinton]

Marriage doesn't mean 100% time commitment. Fuck no. You both maintain separate, yet intertwined lives. In fact, a good relationship can maintain that exquisite comfortable silence...even if you are in the same room. It's kind of comforting to be reading together or surfing the internet while the other partner is pursuing whatever hobby he or she wants to pursue...

BTW, all of the other guys I know and me included, don't want to hang out with their significant others all the time either...XD

The day in day out drudgery of cohabitational relationships is equal in my mind to a 100% time commitment. When you have a live in partner everything you do is about that person. What time do you go home, who you talk to and are they of the opposite sex, what do they want for dinner, laundry, dishes, all those things have to taken into account in order to give the impression that I care about the other person. What if when I get home at whatever time I feel like I just want to eat a couple microwave burritos, take a shower, and read a book or watch the news or something? I'm not interested in talking because I've been talking all day. I don't really care what you did today and I'm probaly not going to tell you what I did today either.

The expectation of females is for them to be people pleasing and wholly concerned with thier SO's needs and wants and sesitivities. That is so not me. I have absolutely zero desire to mother a grown man. I have absolutely zero desire to depend on anyone but myself. When I think about those women who sit around wailing about how much they NEED this person I want to puke. I don't NEED anyone in order to feel complete, I am complete. I have a fully functioning physical form and a functioning brain. I'm good to go.

I appreciate comfortable silence. Unfortunately there are few others that I have met in life who are. If they aren't talking then the television is on, or the stero is blasting, or they are staring at their phone. All of that equates to an unsettled mind, to me. If I want to be silent in a relationship the guy will inevitably misconstrue that as my being cold, aloof, not interested, or whatever. Then he tries to get my attention, not realizing that he already has it, I'm just not starting at him like an owl because if I did he would think I was a crazy stalker. So then the feelings start to get hurt, or he tries to "fix" the problem. The minute this process starts I begin to become repulsed. Relationship terminiated. Back to being happy go lucky on my own. If I was still a teenager I would skip everywhere I went.

I've noticed that men become helpless when they get comfortable in a relationship. All of a sudden it is someone else's responsibility to tend to his needs, when the week before he couldn't have given a damn. Fuck that. Maybe I am selfish, but I just can't figure out how all of a sudden a guy just turns weak. If a man has a melt down then the woman is supposed to be there as a punching bag, garbage can, secretary, mother, chef, bell hop, ect. If a woman has a melt down then she is crazy. Isn't there something wrong with this picture?

So the guy puts his responsibilities to himself on the back burner in order to be "cared for" but as soon as he feels threatened in anyway, BOOM right back to being on the grind, handling business. It's a competition and he's going to win and show me just how big of a mistake I made in booting him out. Yeah, uhuh.

You have no clue how many guys I have met who automatically assume that I'm just going to fall for them and they will possess me and I'll have no other desire but to serve them like a friggin genie in a bottle. "Yes master!" They verbalize this to my face. I couldn't give two fucks if you didn't get dinner. Microwave a burrito muthafucka, I'm busy. If this was the wilderness you would be dead and I would be using your bones to make arrowheads and fish hooks so that I can get my own food. How do you like me now?!

The caveat here is that although this is my general feeling it is only that way because most men are not worth the effort it takes to keep them around. I wouldn't have an issue taking the time to show that I care for someone who had the ability to meet my needs. Men only care about getting thier needs met. Take, take, take, and no give. I've yet to meet a man who wasn't on some kind of ridiculous time limit, or who didn't hold some ridiculous expectations, or who wasn't carrying around thier body weight in baggage.

Kids with women they never wanted to impregnate but now owe child support to, alcohol, body issues, promiscuity, lack of goals, expectations that a woman is supposed to give up her goals and aspirations and pour all of her energy into making him successful, bad habits, bad attitudes, low self esteem, inordinately high self esteem, self delusion,the list goes on, men are fucking nutzo. All of the things on this list and more equate to a high maintenence man. Not attractive.

[Taneka Hinton]

No. What @MindBomb said.

And I think I screwed up the quote (which is stupid since that's the only thing I really felt like posting but thought the OP would appreciate having all his questions answered), I think it was "my husband is the only person I enjoy being with more than I enjoy being alone." Small distinction, but it was bugging me.

Regardless, being alone in this context was referring to the larger sense, being alone as in not being in a relationship.

I didn't make the comment about my husband being the only person I enjoy being with more that I enjoy being alone. And I understand that she meant being single.

I think that even if I was with my "soul mate" that I would still want to be alone. I like my solitude. It's fun for me.

[MindBomb]

Rant

All this means is that you haven't found the right person for you. You may never--your life, your happiness.

(P.S. We could probably swap the gender references above and come up with the same sweeping generalizations.)

[Green Girl]

My black hat.

Keep it, or lose it?

Since this is the relationship thread, it must be asked: what is your relationship with your hat? Why are you considering breaking up with it? Have you tried talking your problems over with the hat?

[Abraxas]

Since this is the relationship thread, it must be asked: what is your relationship with your hat? Why are you considering breaking up with it? Have you tried talking your problems over with the hat?

I tried talking to it, but that didn't help much. I felt a bit better, but I don't know about the hat, and so that brought me back down to neutral. I'm not sure if I should keep it or not, because I'm wondering how it reflects on me in the eyes of other people.

Oh man, asking an INTJ a superficial question like this... what was I thinking?

My bad!

[Green Girl]

I tried talking to it, but that didn't help much. I felt a bit better, but I don't know about the hat, and so that brought me back down to neutral. I'm not sure if I should keep it or not, because I'm wondering how it reflects on me in the eyes of other people.

Oh man, asking an INTJ a superficial question like this... what was I thinking?

My bad!

If you truly love this hat, you mustn't let what other people think come between you. You and your hat have the chance for something special, something lasting, a relationship that will grow and flower for the rest of your life!

Maybe you will someday grow apart. Maybe you will meet a snazzy fedora, maybe your hat will fly away in the wind on its own adventures. But until that day comes, treasure your black hat.

[Abraxas]

If you truly love this hat, you mustn't let what other people think come between you. You and your hat have the chance for something special, something lasting, a relationship that will grow and flower for the rest of your life!

Maybe you will someday grow apart. Maybe you will meet a snazzy fedora, maybe your hat will fly away in the wind on its own adventures. But until that day comes, treasure your black hat.

This is really profound and meaningful advice. I shall do this!

My black hat and I were meant for one another.

[Taneka Hinton]

All this means is that you haven't found the right person for you. You may never--your life, your happiness.

(P.S. We could probably swap the gender references above and come up with the same sweeping generalizations.)

sweeping generalizations are awesome.

[Svidrigailov]

My black hat.

Keep it, or lose it?

Your hat suggests to me that you wish to jump inside it, symbolizing your need to return to the womb from the awful horror of the world. I suggest that you either find a way to get inside the hat, or find a womb.

Shit just got Freudian.