[SteffSweetlySour]

I'm honestly curious as to why it doesn't cross your mind to say such things, I guess? I hope that doesn't sound like a rude question. It just... takes 2 seconds to say something like that, and I'd wager it takes a lot less effort than doing a something kind. Do you think words can be empty and therefore that sort of talk is useless?

In the past, for me, any verbal expression of feelings has turned into a whole discussion... Then the water level rises and I drowned...
Instead I try to do things for those I love, like if I'm out I might think, ", has been really great lately, and I know he has been dying for that new , I'll surprise him!"... I find ways to show my feelings the best I can, whether by buying things, helping out, or giving a massage... Whatever, just something that says "I care", "I think about you". But doesn't leave me wide open for a sharing session...

[MissJordan]

In response to the topics of compliments and showing appreciation:

It took me three attempts before I managed to decide on what to write for a simple "thank you" message to Happy for stickying this thread...

[SteffSweetlySour]

In response to the topics of compliments and showing appreciation:

It took me three attempts before I managed to decide on what to write for a simple "thank you" message to Happy for stickying this thread...

Exactly! I don't need or even like complements... And since I clearly don't get the appeal I can never figure out what anyone else would find so great about them... I end up agonizing over it, trying to pinpoint what makes people like them so I do it right ... Then when I say the right thing I do it with the wrong inflection or something... Gah :(

[MissJordan]

Exactly! I don't need or even like complements... And since I clearly don't get the appeal I can never figure out what anyone else would find so great about them... I end up agonizing over it, trying to pinpoint what makes people like them so I do it right ... Then when I say the right thing I do it with the wrong inflection or something... Gah :(

At first it was going to be a joke, but then I realized the danger (and the probability) of him taking it literally.

Then I tried to sympathize in a sense, going to comment on how many of these threads are popping up, but I was afraid of sounding like I was frustrated with it all.

In the end, I just went for an "Award Speech" thank you... (A sort of forced enthusiasm towards the 'greater good')





Socializing is hard...

[calliope]

There are two more posts now after FlaylexFayte's! I wrote my response after reading hers.

In what way is it difficult to say stuff like, I dunno, "You are so beautiful." and "I love your laugh." and "You handled that situation with such strength and composure. I'm so happy to have you in my life..." etc. ?

I'm honestly curious as to why it doesn't cross your mind to say such things, I guess? I hope that doesn't sound like a rude question. It just... takes 2 seconds to say something like that, and I'd wager it takes a lot less effort than doing a something kind. Do you think words can be empty and therefore that sort of talk is useless?

Yes, that kind of talk is useless. It is nauseating. I would run far, far away if anyone said any of those quotes to me. They are a Hallmark card, a parody.

I can easily say, "Excellent comeback last night when you were talking to so and so," or "You are very, very funny." Or that was hysterical what you said yesterday." Or, "You look great in that." Or any number of true statements.

Feelers often cannot not "read" these compliments. They are dry. They want something beyond real and honest. They want to be taken into a euphoric state where they are told that they are better than good, that they are magical. That is not a comfortable place for most INTJs. And if someone feels that they need to be told they are fantastic just to feel like they are okay in their relationship, then there is an insecurity problem there. An INTJ would probably not be happy or compatible with someone that insecure.

[bethdeth]

Then the water level rises and I drowned...

Like this?




This cat is now known as analogy cat. I can use this wonderful gif everywhere!

[SteffSweetlySour]

Yes, just like that! :)

[MissJordan]

Yes, just like that! :)

Analogy Cat saves the day!

[Abraxas]

Yeah, it's pretty bizarre how many people we attract.

They just want us for our sexy, sexy logic...

Awww yeahh... dat logic...

[Bogspirit]

Yes, we know those are there... But the point of this is to hopefully cut down the number of new threads created by persons coming to the INTJ forum and not appropriately searching the threads they need before creating new ones. For further clarification please see Should We Make...

Yeah, Steff! I find the sheer number of those sorts of threads really tedious and always skip past them or go UGH/SIGH isn't there an interesting thread to chime in on, I mean even a COOKING THREAD would be more interesting. Great to lump them all in this one sticky and stop them from cluttering the board and making it boring.