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Relationship Questions For INTJs.

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This is a discussion on Relationship Questions For INTJs. within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by brightlywound Would you adapt your love language to someone who was more used to verbal affection than ...

  1. #11
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    Would you adapt your love language to someone who was more used to verbal affection than loving through doing, or would that sort of adaptation feel forced and unnatural?
    We're not as inflexible as some of the other types (or even some INTJs for that matter) would lead you to think.

    Honesty is the best policy, because it leads to improvements.
    And we're generally obsessed with improving our relationships with those we care about (in a good way that it, I may have worded that poorly), so if we find out that our SO likes compliments, we'll try to keep that in mind and compliment more freely.

    It's not that we dislike comlimenting other people, it's more that we don't really appreciate that it's important on a subconscious level.


    Quote Originally Posted by SteffSweetlySour View Post
    A relationship question...
    Do the personality types of your parental figures have any affect on whether or not you will pursue a relationship with persons of those types, regardless of how compatible, or not MBTI may say you are?
    In an ideal world, people wouldn't generally think of MBTI as a means of checking how well you'p might get a long with someone (as obviously there's a lot of variance between people even of e same type to give a precise judgement).
    If you have a parental figure that is healthy, perhaps you'd become an advocate of their type.

    Personally, my parents are ESXJs, and they've ruined any consideration of me dating someone as loud or as rule-bound as they are.
    But, if I were to meet a health ESFJ or ESTJ, en perhaps my opinion would change.

    Most of the MBTI relationship stuff is assumption, which can either come from two areas:
    - Previous experiences with the type.
    - Representations from the type descriptions.

    So, yes, parental figures can definitely affect what preference you have in regards to dating certain types.
    Though, it'd probably be best if you threw out assumptions that types give.
    The I in MBTI stands for Indicator, it's not a dictionary, if you follow.

  2. #12
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    Would you adapt your love language to someone who was more used to verbal affection than loving through doing, or would that sort of adaptation feel forced and unnatural?
    Yes, nothing warms my heart more than being someone else's bitch. I love coming 'out of my shell' and sharing my 'gooey' insides with a loved one. I feel so alive and complete. I need others to tell me that I'm expressing emotions and to tell me when it's "OK" to do so. I don't know how to manage my emotions and seek support because I am paralyzed from the waste down, especially when it comes to love, if you catch my drift. *wink* I'm emotionally ignorant of the beauty that unites us all wonderful and unique individuals and I cherish the day that the beauty of love connects our souls as one.

  3. #13
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    There are two more posts now after FlaylexFayte's! I wrote my response after reading hers.

    In what way is it difficult to say stuff like, I dunno, "You are so beautiful." and "I love your laugh." and "You handled that situation with such strength and composure. I'm so happy to have you in my life..." etc. ?

    I'm honestly curious as to why it doesn't cross your mind to say such things, I guess? I hope that doesn't sound like a rude question. It just... takes 2 seconds to say something like that, and I'd wager it takes a lot less effort than doing a something kind. Do you think words can be empty and therefore that sort of talk is useless?

  4. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    Would you adapt your love language to someone who was more used to verbal affection than loving through doing, or would that sort of adaptation feel forced and unnatural?
    I've tried, and it didn't work... My biggest problem with it, (other than what bethdeth said) is that even if I mean what I am saying I tend to come off disingenuously, somehow... And then the SO feels like I really don't care, and I'm just saying what they want to hear. Which is true in a sense, but not because I don't mean it, it's just because I'm hopeless and awkward at putting it all in words... And it all ends with me confused and the SO's feelings hurt... :(
    lirulin, Ms.Gymnast, prsvrnc and 10 others thanked this post.

  5. #15
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    Quote Originally Posted by MissJordan View Post
    We're not as inflexible as some of the other types (or even some INTJs for that matter) would lead you to think.

    Honesty is the best policy, because it leads to improvements.
    And we're generally obsessed with improving our relationships with those we care about (in a good way that it, I may have worded that poorly), so if we find out that our SO likes compliments, we'll try to keep that in mind and compliment more freely.

    It's not that we dislike comlimenting other people, it's more that we don't really appreciate that it's important on a subconscious level.
    That was enlightening. Thank you!

    Yes, nothing warms my heart more than being someone else's bitch. I love coming 'out of my shell' and sharing my 'gooey' insides with a loved one. I feel so alive and complete. I need others to tell me that I'm expressing emotions and to tell me when it's "OK" to do so. I don't know how to manage my emotions and seek support because I am paralyzed from the waste down, especially when it comes to love, if you catch my drift. *wink* I'm emotionally ignorant of the beauty that unites us all wonderful and unique individuals and I cherish the day that the beauty of love connects our souls as one.
    I'm guessing you were trying to be sarcastic here. That is one language I do not speak very well. ;)
    Destiny Lund, Skygazer and emiebean thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    Would you adapt your love language to someone who was more used to verbal affection than loving through doing, or would that sort of behavioral modification feel forced and unnatural?
    As long as I loved them I would definitely work on it :). It might take some effort at first to make it occur on a regular basis, but I wouldn't tell someone I loved them if it weren't true, or any other such verbal sweetness. So yes, I don't think it would be too hard to do so long as it were true :), and I think it would become more natural over time.
    Eylrid, SteffSweetlySour, FreeSpirit and 12 others thanked this post.

  7. #17
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    There are two more posts now after FlaylexFayte's! I wrote my response after reading hers.

    In what way is it difficult to say stuff like, I dunno, "You are so beautiful." and "I love your laugh." and "You handled that situation with such strength and composure. I'm so happy to have you in my life..." etc. ?

    I'm honestly curious as to why it doesn't cross your mind to say such things, I guess? I hope that doesn't sound like a rude question. It just... takes 2 seconds to say something like that, and I'd wager it takes a lot less effort than doing a something kind. Do you think words can be empty and therefore that sort of talk is useless?
    Well firstly, there's the issue of INTJs being generally very independent, we don't require compliments and we don't think of them as 'a big deal' as a result.

    But, more importantly, a lot of INTJs are paranoid of complimenting and showing affection.
    We're the sort that analyze the problems and variables and trouble-points. We can't exactly do that in this scenario because we're socially awkward enough, really.
    For us, complimenting is pretty much the equivalent of approaching to the pretty girl in the bar. We can't predict how it will go, we just generally assume it will go poorly... Very poorly...

    Another dilemma is our poor ability to word things and our inability to predict how others will interpret things.
    I once told a girl that she had "big thighs".
    What I meant was that she has a much more feminine shape than I had expected and her legs took me off guard for how appealing they were.

  8. #18
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by brightlywound View Post
    That was enlightening. Thank you!


    I'm guessing you were trying to be sarcastic here. That is one language I do not speak very well. ;)
    Not at all, I would do anything. This is one of my favorite songs regarding love btw.

    Eylrid, beth x, Destiny Lund and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #19

    I find it hilarious that INTJ's are the new "go to" people for relationship advice, given the way we are looked at from other types.

    @MissJordan I thank you personally for making this thread. The amount of posts of late for this INTJ relationship phenomena is getting out of hand.
    lirulin, SteffSweetlySour, Jomama and 10 others thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by Jessy Lashway View Post
    I find it hilarious that INTJ's are the new "go to" people for relationship advice, given the way we are looked at from other types.

    @MissJordan I thank you personally for making this thread. The amount of posts of late for this INTJ relationship phenomena is getting out of hand.
    Yeah, it's pretty bizarre how many people we attract.

    They just want us for our sexy, sexy logic...
    SteffSweetlySour, wsmf, Napoleptic and 19 others thanked this post.


     
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