[WolfStar]

Hello INTJs, I need help on dating advice.

I've known this guy since April 2012. He is an INTJ and I'm an ENFP.



At first, he would text me every morning and we would go out for dinner/movie every weekend. He kept me updated about his daily life. After about two months, he started to get busy with his work. He still sent me text messages once a while. But then he stopped contact me for about a month.

During the time we seeing each other, I'd say we always had fun. He remembered everything I told him about myself, even tiny little details. He was attentive and dependable. We have many shared interests. That's why I like him a lot.

Two weeks ago, I decided to contact him to see if there is still chance for us. He replied, like there was nothing happened (I mean we didn't talk to each other for a month), Well, he did apologized about not contacting me because he was busy working. And he asked me out. We had a good time hanging out together. Before he left, he said "We should meet again next weekend.Just shoot me a text. " But he didn't reply my messages for a week.

I just got a text message from him today. We chatted for a bit.
Actually, I don't even know if we're dating. Because:
-We didn't talk about relationship or any emotional topics. He did tell me many childhood stories of his.
-We didn't have any physical contact. Every time he accidentally touched me, he would apologize. (He is not religious at all.)

Does he like me? Should I just give up? Honestly I don't want to, because I like him very much.

Straight up ask him. If you don't want to give up, don't. It's a little difficult to say if he likes you, but I mean, he does keep coming back and he spends time with you, which is meaningful.

[sherkanner]

Hello INTJs, I need help on dating advice.

I've known this guy since April 2012. He is an INTJ and I'm an ENFP.

At first, he would text me every morning and we would go out for dinner/movie every weekend. He kept me updated about his daily life. After about two months, he started to get busy with his work. He still sent me text messages once a while. But then he stopped contact me for about a month.

During the time we seeing each other, I'd say we always had fun. He remembered everything I told him about myself, even tiny little details. He was attentive and dependable. We have many shared interests. That's why I like him a lot.

Two weeks ago, I decided to contact him to see if there is still chance for us. He replied, like there was nothing happened (I mean we didn't talk to each other for a month), Well, he did apologized about not contacting me because he was busy working. And he asked me out. We had a good time hanging out together. Before he left, he said "We should meet again next weekend.Just shoot me a text. " But he didn't reply my messages for a week.

I just got a text message from him today. We chatted for a bit.
Actually, I don't even know if we're dating. Because:
-We didn't talk about relationship or any emotional topics. He did tell me many childhood stories of his.
-We didn't have any physical contact. Every time he accidentally touched me, he would apologize. (He is not religious at all.)

Does he like me? Should I just give up? Honestly I don't want to, because I like him very much.

Warning: What I write can be complete BS, or advice to listen to, I let you be the judge of that.

Not replying to you?
Don't worry, he is certainly too busy at work, and due to that, he can forget you (yes, he can, we are passionate about what we like). It is by no mean that he doesn't want to see you, only he doesn't have time enough for you, and as I understand, he wants to spend quality time with you, not only rushed through with meaningless time ^^

And if you wanna know if he likes you and to what extend, ask him. Be direct, but non aggressive, and non judgmental, just with honesty (which is the default healthy ENFP mode)
If you want to date him, ask him out, make the first move, he won't judge you, and he certainly won't mind you asking ^^.
It might turn out awkward, but I've always known ENFP to deal with awkward fairly well

Most INTJ are not at ease with human contact (I am definitely not at ease with that), which could explain his reaction.

Advice: you might be rejected because he doesn't feel ready for a relationship. It will be by no mean your fault, only that he would not judge it fair to you to enter a relationship if he can not give you his full attention.

Be direct with him, don't assume anything. (assume is to make an ASS of U and ME). In case of doubt, ask!

[Flora]

I dunno if one type can be sleazier than others. Anyone can come up with rationalizations for anything. I knew an INFP with the worst morals you could possibly think of.

Taking online stereotypes aside, I agree that in real life there are vast differences between people of the same type. The type really only measures how you prefer to "operate" so to speak, the form. You fill in the content with your experiences, values, principles, education, environment..etc.

INFPs are not all rainbow pony warriors. For example, it's true that INFPs may prefer sexual relationships that are not casual, but the epitome of the beauty of two souls bonding. Yep. But if you meet a promiscous little dreamy cutie, don't rule out INFP when you are trying to type them as Fi can also be a little messed up people pleaser that looks for love in the worst places...I know because I was one of them. And Fi's values are very strongly held, but that doesnt meant they have to be "good fluffly values" either..

[WolfStar]

Taking online stereotypes aside, I agree that in real life there are vast differences between people of the same type. The type really only measures how you prefer to "operate" so to speak, the form. You fill in the content with your experiences, values, principles, education, environment..etc.

INFPs are not all rainbow pony warriors. For example, it's true that INFPs may prefer sexual relationships that are not casual, but the epitome of the beauty of two souls bonding. Yep. But if you meet a promiscous little dreamy cutie, don't rule out INFP when you are trying to type them as Fi can also be a little messed up people pleaser that looks for love in the worst places...I know because I was one of them. And Fi's values are very strongly held, but that doesnt meant they have to be "good fluffly values" either..

Exactly, well said.

[Paprikaku]

Warning: What I write can be complete BS, or advice to listen to, I let you be the judge of that.

Not replying to you?
Don't worry, he is certainly too busy at work, and due to that, he can forget you (yes, he can, we are passionate about what we like). It is by no mean that he doesn't want to see you, only he doesn't have time enough for you, and as I understand, he wants to spend quality time with you, not only rushed through with meaningless time ^^

And if you wanna know if he likes you and to what extend, ask him. Be direct, but non aggressive, and non judgmental, just with honesty (which is the default healthy ENFP mode)
If you want to date him, ask him out, make the first move, he won't judge you, and he certainly won't mind you asking ^^.
It might turn out awkward, but I've always known ENFP to deal with awkward fairly well

Most INTJ are not at ease with human contact (I am definitely not at ease with that), which could explain his reaction.

Advice: you might be rejected because he doesn't feel ready for a relationship. It will be by no mean your fault, only that he would not judge it fair to you to enter a relationship if he can not give you his full attention.

Be direct with him, don't assume anything. (assume is to make an ASS of U and ME). In case of doubt, ask!

Thank you for your advice ! They really helped. I was confused by his reactions before since I didn't meet many INTJs.
I will just ask him. I wanted to but I was worried that I might scare himXD

[dingo]

I dunno if one type can be sleazier than others. Anyone can come up with rationalizations for anything. I knew an INFP with the worst morals you could possibly think of.

Not what I meant. No type is better or worse than another. I was talking about the way in which INTJ's go about being sleazy: careful, strategic, methodical, and driven. An INTJ can turn sluttiness into a project with vision and direction. It's an awful thing to be good at.

Advice: you might be rejected because he doesn't feel ready for a relationship. It will be by no mean your fault, only that he would not judge it fair to you to enter a relationship if he can not give you his full attention.

Yes. Often we will withhold "liking" until we know that the relationship will go somewhere. If we're unsure, setting the record straight about the other's affections will often allow us to indulge our own.


That said, @Paprikaku, I would guess that this guy likes you based on his behaviour. The bit about remembering tiny details is a classic tell that an INTJ likes you, or at least holds you in high regard (the line can be a little blurry there). He's trying to get to know you, building an intuitive image of who you are as a person. Most people and things aren't interesting enough to an INTJ to warrant learning and remembering tiny details.


It's completely legitimate to ask how he sees your relationship, and he'll likely have thought about it. You can say it pretty bluntly, actually. Make it clear that you like him, and then see what happens. Don't be afraid of scaring him, though it might take him some time to process things once he knows.

[GiaLynn]

Not what I meant. No type is better or worse than another. I was talking about the way in which INTJ's go about being sleazy: careful, strategic, methodical, and driven. An INTJ can turn sluttiness into a project with vision and direction. It's an awful thing to be good at.

i totally took your post as just that. Not saying INTJs are sleazier than others, just *insert bolded words*. and whoa, is that true.

[clandestine]

This isn't a question; it's really more of a comment that perhaps could be a separate thread, but oh well. As if there arent enough threads.

First off, let me just start by saying that my INTJ and I have been "officially" dating for a little over a month now, and boy does time fly by when you are having fun, other clichés, etc. Okay, but no. Seriously. I am falling for him so hard every single day. We spend at least 72 hours a week with each other, and ugh. It's just really great, and I am so appreciative of his existence in my life.

Now onto my current thoughts...

Fi. So. Yeah. It's funny how dating him has made me realize a LOT about myself. We haven't had a proper fight yet or anything, but we both have been stressed out due to work and our roommate situations as of late, and we've each had moments where we've flashed our anger. And I realized he reacts to things almost EXACTLY the same way that I do; the only difference is that he is a little more aggressive and direct with his outbursts. But yeah, he does the bottle it up approach (though his bottle apparently has far less volume than mine), then BOOM STRAW CAMELS BACK ANGRY ANGER IN YOUR FACE scowl scowl mutter scowlllllll pout.

That is basically me, only I use fewer caps and pout longer than I scowl.

And in NONE of those phases can you mollify or console him. None. And at first, that irritated me because I felt like he was being an irrational, melodramatic ass who was overreacting and then ohmygod I realized I do the same exact thing, and people think the same things about me because they don't realize just how much and for how long I've kept it all bottled up.

So now I know to give him a half hour or so to cool down completely, and like me, he's totally fine then.

I love when I can apply MBTI in real life with complete success. It's not a perfect system, but gah does it work well sometimes...

[dingo]

And in NONE of those phases can you mollify or console him. None.

No, attempts at consolation are almost more annoying to an angry INTJ. Being able to bitch at a trusted loved one about your problems is much more helpful. :P And it feels more equal; you don't have this perception that the person thinks you need them. Desire and need are not the same thing.

Now, that's anger. Sadness is dealt with differently.

[Green Girl]

We spend at least 72 hours a week with each other, and ugh. It's just really great, and I am so appreciative of his existence in my life.

Ugh? 72 hours a week with anyone would definitely make me say ugh, but why are you saying it here?