[sanari]

This is one area where I actually like what Socionics has to say, because it presents the idea of "romance styles." The styles are based on which Perceiving function is preferred. Let's see if I've got this right: Si (SJ's) is the "Caregiver"; Se (SP's) is the "Aggressor"; Ni (NJ's) is the "Victim"; and Ne (NP's) is the "Child."

My understanding of the Ni romance style is that it's concerned about the likelihood of success in the relationship. Therefore, it looks at whether the attraction is mutual, or at least has the potential to be mutual. It's actually more comfortable with being seen as attractive first, with being a "Victim" of love, and, under Socionics theory, prefers the Se "Aggressor" type in a potential mate. Basically, since you care about the future of your love, you want to know that you too are loved. Your loving them is important too, but you're not likely to give it a shot if you don't believe there's a chance of reciprocation.

Hmmm. Something to think about.

[RedX]

I've always wondered something. My fiance watches the television show "Sister Wives". Religion excluded, how do INTJs generally feel about polygamy or just polyamory in general.

I have no interest in it, having tried polyamory once for...a week. It aggravated me. I'm not the jealous type, but I can't deal with it because it divides my attention too much and makes me feel like I'm gipping the other parties involved.

I have no issues with people who choose to practice it though. Just not for me.

[GiaLynn]

Yeah I think I've got a good grasp of what happened, it was really terrible. It's taken a lot of reading and a lot of introspection over a long time. I always knew what my issues were it was fixing them that was the hurdle. I can't say that sort of thing is ever completely done, it's a process. However where I was when I was doing these things to her and where I was after we split and where I am now are completely different. It was crazy being in the state of mind I was in, the only way I can explain it is it felt like I was doing things that I knew were mean and I just justified it because I felt she should have left me anyway. When she had a harsh response to that I had a harsher one back. I'm still not quite back to the point I was when I just met her. I have no real desire for a relationship right now but when I met her I was looking for one. I figure that will go away with time but who knows.

But yeah I'm pretty mushy now, I'm more open. I was pretty awesome at being a cold and uncaring before. Pretty awesome at keeping my feelings to myself a lot was to hide things though, now I am more comfortable with who I am. I guess a long relationship with a feeler changes that lol.

i only wish that my ex friend could come to the point you have. you really have come a long way. it takes a lot of strength to go back and look at your faults, realize them, understand them, and try to do away with them. it may be something that might always be in the back of your mind, and you just have to learn how to cope better or handle things better. and it sounds like you're on the right path.

some people take a lifetime to do this. some NEVER figure it out. but you seem to be a bit ahead of the game now.

you kind of sound like my ex friend. i just truly wish i knew what was going through his head. and i truly wish, from the bottom of my heart, that i influenced him in some way to go more in the direction you are.

he did say so many things that made me think he really did know what he had. especially when he said he had lost sight of what was really important to him and that now that he has seen the end, he doesn't want it.

just makes me sad that it all had to end the way it did. we had something so great, and there was just no reason for anything that happened.

i am glad, though, that you have forgiven yourself. that's also very important. i'm working on that as well, so far, no luck..... :/

[NT the DC]

i only wish that my ex friend could come to the point you have. you really have come a long way. it takes a lot of strength to go back and look at your faults, realize them, understand them, and try to do away with them. it may be something that might always be in the back of your mind, and you just have to learn how to cope better or handle things better. and it sounds like you're on the right path.

some people take a lifetime to do this. some NEVER figure it out. but you seem to be a bit ahead of the game now.

you kind of sound like my ex friend. i just truly wish i knew what was going through his head. and i truly wish, from the bottom of my heart, that i influenced him in some way to go more in the direction you are.

he did say so many things that made me think he really did know what he had. especially when he said he had lost sight of what was really important to him and that now that he has seen the end, he doesn't want it.

just makes me sad that it all had to end the way it did. we had something so great, and there was just no reason for anything that happened.

i am glad, though, that you have forgiven yourself. that's also very important. i'm working on that as well, so far, no luck..... :/

Judging by the quiz in the subforum you can conclude that we don't actually date a lot of people lol.

[RedX]

Judging by the quiz in the subforum you can conclude that we don't actually date a lot of people lol.

Speak for yourself.

[NT the DC]

Speak for yourself.

MMM 'kay?
Calm down we have a big time player over here.

[GiaLynn]

my ex-intj was a major womanizer. an INTJ with a cute face and style.

pretty damn deadly.

but he admittedly learned everything he knows from "older women" and some sort of "manual" that was like a literal Bible for picking up women.

so yeah, all his wooing was done from a book, and not from his heart. :/

[dingo]

my ex-intj was a major womanizer. an INTJ with a cute face and style.

pretty damn deadly.

but he admittedly learned everything he knows from "older women" and some sort of "manual" that was like a literal Bible for picking up women.

so yeah, all his wooing was done from a book, and not from his heart. :/

Eeeeeeyeah...

I've actually thought before that an INTJ could be a very intelligent, effective slut if they really wanted to be. I've heard a few stories on PerC and elsewhere, and it can get ugly. Compromise sexual morality, and an INTJ can be the sleaziest of them all.

[sherkanner]

Eeeeeeyeah...

I've actually thought before that an INTJ could be a very intelligent, effective slut if they really wanted to be. I've heard a few stories on PerC and elsewhere, and it can get ugly. Compromise sexual morality, and an INTJ can be the sleaziest of them all.

Hey, we can be the best at what we focus on, and we can focus on anything, that's the description of an INTJ ^^

[Noumenon]

My partner and I are long distance at the moment because of study, and we will be till the end of the year (maybe a little longer). So while we are far apart (we get to spend a day or two together ever couple of weeks), there is another woman who is hitting him . That’s not how he puts it, but my strong suspicion is that she is smitten with him (hell I am). Hears the go:

- He is an INTJ, I am an ENTP - I’ve never met her in person but she sounds like an INFP
- We have been together 4 year, I was his first gf and his first everything else
- She is a little hottie, about 3 years older then us
- He NEVER gets jealous of me - ever. I get hit on a lot (I work with drunk men and sex offenders, so yeah such a catch – LOL, but also by normal lovely men), which means the novelty is minimal, not to mention I am cynical of infatuation - and I work hard at being an honest partner. He however doesn’t get hit on a lot. Its not that I think this girl has super powers I don’t possess, but she has novelty because she is different and new.
- They have lunch together twice a week and have gone out to the museum and art shows together

The thing is I am never going to ask him to stop seeing her. I am still friends with guys who think they love me and he has never asked me to alter that because he trusts me. I for the record trust him not to cheat (Not physically that is - emotionally I am not sure anyone can promise you that).

I get that I cant stop anyone from doing anything they want. My question is, is there anything I can do to maybe just up my, My Girlfriend Is Awesome factor. I am happy to go on the offense – just as long as it’s not games / guilt tripping and I don’t ask him to stop hanging out with her.

Please help - now she is buying him stuff