[abysmalbeauty]

I could sure use some help understanding the logic behind this...

I tried to ask a INTJ i know to hang out today. I got shot down as i halfway expected to be, because "I would think he is boring, and that will make things awkward between us" (paraphrased). However after all that was said and done and I was moving on to accept my rejection gracefully he "tests" me asking if I recall what was discussed in our first ever conversation. (which I admitted I do not as it was several years ago). So he tells me he recalls it clearly like it was yesterday. I asked why, and he said he recalls conversations and interactions with people who stand out to him.

Why would he tell me that after rejecting my request? I don't understand.

[searcheagle]

I really can't tell what happened here because you left out a lot of details.

I could sure use some help understanding the logic behind this...

I tried to ask a INTJ i know to hang out today. I got shot down as i halfway expected to be, because "I would think he is boring, and that will make things awkward between us" (paraphrased).

So, this says to me that either he isn't very confident or you don't know him well because he thinks he will bore you if you knew him better.

However after all that was said and done and I was moving on to accept my rejection gracefully he "tests" me asking if I recall what was discussed in our first ever conversation. (which I admitted I do not as it was several years ago). So he tells me he recalls it clearly like it was yesterday. I asked why, and he said he recalls conversations and interactions with people who stand out to him.

Why would he tell me that after rejecting my request? I don't understand.

I don't know. Did you offer a clear activity in mind? How did he reject you? Is it possible that you offered a specific activity but he was busy at the time but he would be up for it at another time?

It sounds like he's either indecisive, debating his interest in you, or didn't know what you were asking. Beyond that, I don't know what to say.

[abysmalbeauty]

I really can't tell what happened here because you left out a lot of details.



So, this says to me that either he isn't very confident or you don't know him well because he thinks he will bore you if you knew him better.



I don't know. Did you offer a clear activity in mind? How did he reject you? Is it possible that you offered a specific activity but he was busy at the time but he would be up for it at another time?

It sounds like he's either indecisive, debating his interest in you, or didn't know what you were asking. Beyond that, I don't know what to say.

I took the "you will think i'm boring and i wouldn't want things to feel awkward" as the rejection. I tried to make it more blunt today by just giving him my number and asking him to text/call me. I suppose I will know for sure if i am in fact being rejected soon enough.

[abysmalbeauty]

I took the "you will think i'm boring and i wouldn't want things to feel awkward" as the rejection. I tried to make it more blunt today by just giving him my number and asking him to text/call me. I suppose I will know for sure if i am in fact being rejected soon enough.

I got my answer... I was in fact being rejected as i initially assumed. Thanks anyways for the help guys and gals!

[LittlexLady07]

I got my answer... I was in fact being rejected as i initially assumed. Thanks anyways for the help guys and gals!

(sigh) I remember this phase in my interpersonal development. In my mid-teens, I realized that I was being overly-harsh with people, particularly when it came to rejecting them in some way. In an effort to correct this, I accidentally began responding in a way that caused the opposite issue. I was so gentle/vague when rejecting others that my rejections often weren't taken as rejections and those being rejected were just left confused (as you were). I am now in my mid-20s, and I THINK I have found a good middle-ground.

I admire INFJs...these things just seem to come so naturally to you all.

[abysmalbeauty]

(sigh) I remember this phase in my interpersonal development. In my mid-teens, I realized that I was being overly-harsh with people, particularly when it came to rejecting them in some way. In an effort to correct this, I accidentally began responding in a way that caused the opposite issue. I was so gentle/vague when rejecting others that my rejections often weren't taken as rejections and those being rejected were just left confused (as you were). I am now in my mid-20s, and I THINK I have found a good middle-ground.

I admire INFJs...these things just seem to come so naturally to you all.

That makes complete sense. Before you admire us though please keep in mind that we INFJs think about what we are going to say a long time before we say it... at least I do. I think about the different ways a conversation might go sometimes days and weeks in advance and then run through what my most diplomatic response would be in any of those scenarios. Its quite tiring lol

[Otawan]

How do you ask an INTJ out? Are the any specific do's and don'ts I should know about? Also, how comfortable would you be in a relationship where the majority of your ideological values are the opposite?

[Cetanu]

How do you ask an INTJ out? Are the any specific do's and don'ts I should know about? Also, how comfortable would you be in a relationship where the majority of your ideological values are the opposite?

Hi,

First of all, "Going out" is an abstract concept.
What is "Going out"?
If it is "Having an exclusive sexual/romantic relationship with each other"
then you should ask your INTJ friend/male exactly that: "I want to have an exclusive sexual/romantic relationship with you. What do you think?"
He might ask "Why?" - have a reason prepared for this (it's actually better to say why before he has to ask.)

What are your ideological values?

[Otawan]

Hi,

First of all, "Going out" is an abstract concept.
What is "Going out"?
If it is "Having an exclusive sexual/romantic relationship with each other"
then you should ask your INTJ friend/male exactly that: "I want to have an exclusive sexual/romantic relationship with you. What do you think?"
He might ask "Why?" - have a reason prepared for this (it's actually better to say why before he has to ask.)

What are your ideological values?

So would I be correct in amusing that the format of stating my attraction, stating a brief summary of why I think a relationship would be possible and functional, and then asking him if he's interested in perusing a monogamous sexual-romantic type of relationship with me, would be a good way of approach him on this subject?

I'm left-wing to moderate politically and atheist, but I'm pretty flexible to growth, as many of my beliefs and few of my values are concrete to me.

[Figure]

How do you ask an INTJ out? Are the any specific do's and don'ts I should know about? Also, how comfortable would you be in a relationship where the majority of your ideological values are the opposite?

Why do you want to ask an INTJ out?