[tooboku]

I called in sick today. Fi was killing it like a boss this weekend - decided that I should accept an invitation to drive 3 hours for a college party. 'Plus one' had made plenty of excuses recently to visit so it was time I had a turn at making the voyage.

The real reason however is that I had putting off something I had been intent on doing ever since I came back from Korea. At the very last second I had found a convenient little emotional escape called IU... who I still love dearly. Upon reaching the venue, I had met my cousin and the woman previously referred to as "Plus one" or "Sister's bff" prior to meeting 750ml a bottle of tequila that I passionately made love to for the remainder of the evening.

With two thirds of said bottle now consumed, the emotional lubrication had taken partial effect. One slightly impaired Ni dominant, hitherto referred to as Party B, happened to mention something about the need for precaution when exercising certain gratifying activities with a severely impaired Ne dominant with an auxiliary Fi, who will be known from now on as Party A. The latter overheard the comment and then proceeded to corner the prior with intentions to confront him on what he meant by said comment. The Ni dominant, being intoxicated like a sir, sought out a quiet place where both parties could say their peace... which they were promptly kicked out of for fear from other parties that the precaution was not being observed. They then proceeded outside of the venue to continue their meeting of the impaired minds.



After roaming the cold streets for an hour or so, it was revealed that Party A had indeed been attracted to Party B for a few years now but had been obligated to yet another party. Party B also stated his mutual attraction to Party A which began almost a year prior to the current event. Once again, Party B was pleasantly surprised by Party A when she had stated her intentions - they exercised similar modes of reasoning in regards to the way they should interact. It was quite a relief to both parties that both held that friendship was the priority and that any intent for romance must be delayed in the name of healing and self discovery. All was fine until Party B stated that despite the agreement, he would like to take part in a certain activity. Party A stated that she would not consider it a breach of the agreement if such an activity were to take place. Party B took said comment as an invitation. From this point, the proceedings of the story for the remainder of the evening are irrelevant.

As per Canadian law of contracts, agreements made while one or more parties are intoxicated are voidable on the condition that one party is too intoxicated to appreciate the subject matter of the agreement and that the other party is aware of such intoxication. Once sober, one party must make a prompt election to avoid the agreement. All three conditions were met as the next day, Party A claimed not to recollect the events from the night before. It was also April 1st, so Party B elected to remain silent until sufficient evidence was collected that this was indeed the case.

After re-hydrating and taken sufficient measures in preparation for driving, Party B had made a gratuitous offer to deliver Party A to her home as well as some dinner. Other parties were also invited but were persuaded to decline with a very convincing death stare. After a somewhat awkward yet still pleasant dinner, Party B revealed to Party A the events of the night before - that Party A had said some very embarrassing things and that, in good faith, it was now Party B's turn to share some embarrassing information. Party A, now sober, was reminded of the agreement and behaved shyly as Party B initiated the activity from the night before. Now at Party A's home, tea was being prepared while Party B continued in the activity before embarking on the three hour drive home.

Party B, although very pleased with the now affirmed agreement remains in a twitterpated state. It is very confusing as one minute Party B is certain that he will take advantage of his liberties within the agreement but the next, he is incredibly curious about how to improve his performance in said activity. It seems Party B is very interested in discovering more of Party A as well. This definitely needs a couple days to cool over before contact is re-engaged.

[SarcasticApple]

Currently I concluded-or rather, I "feel" that I concluded, that I will most certainly be alone in life. Quite dramatic, but I suppose that those are the effects of highschool in general. I think it stems from the observation that my close friends have something to be passionate about while I am left wondering and indecisive.
However, my mind keeps circling to the thought that states I probably wouldn't mind being alone anyway.
Is that gooey enough? I'd like to think its something very common.

[nonnaci]

@tooboku. Tequila + intj = semantics parser

[Abraxas]

No one understands the emotions I feel. Nobody can feel these emotions, they are unique in all of infinity. Ni + Fi = the vision to see all that is at stake. To comprehend everything and weigh it all in your heart.

Sometimes the weight is so much to bear, I cry and don't even know why. Things hurt that I don't even understand. Abstract concepts so profound and so deeply negating, that I can barely type this post. I have to pull myself away from that gravity well of meaninglessness and defeat. It is like trying to escape a black hole. You can't. But you can take some small relief in the fact that you will never reach the event horizon.

Not until the end of time.

... Times like this, the loneliness is almost unbearable. Any distraction will do.

Anything.

.... Something.

[Isis]

... Times like this, the loneliness is almost unbearable. Any distraction will do.

Anything.

.... Something.

I know this is totally pathetic.... but it is something (and not a rutabaga)

[SarcasticApple]

Sometimes the weight is so much to bear, I cry and don't even know why. Things hurt that I don't even understand. Abstract concepts so profound and so deeply negating, that I can barely type this post. I have to pull myself away from that gravity well of meaninglessness and defeat. It is like trying to escape a black hole. You can't. But you can take some small relief in the fact that you will never reach the event horizon.

Not until the end of time.

... Times like this, the loneliness is almost unbearable. Any distraction will do.

Anything.

.... Something.

Let me say, this resonated with me incredibly. What you just described are the exact things I experience. Especially the crying part. Its weird how I can desperately scramble for something to distract myself or something especially mind stimulating. Thats all I think I really want.

[Cetanu]

Distraction is the focus of most human life on this planet. Anything to avoid looking at one's self. Anything to avoid hearing your own heart pump blood, your lungs expanding and contracting, stomach gurgling juices, joints creaking, the fragility of your existence, the thought that anything could kill you at any moment no matter how big or small, ultimately the thought that you are just a meaningless piece of meat pointlessly powered by what seems to be endless energy from all the garbage you consume coupled with the delusion that you have some kind of purpose in life which seems to keep at least most of society from killing themselves. Always one inch away from realizing how pointless 'life' is... then realizing that life is really just the bad part. It's the hell that we must experience. The black side of the yin and yang. Without life we would never fully appreciate death.
However nobody alive appreciates death. It is feared and rejected... like most opportunities.

What the fuck did I just type? Who just typed that?

Carrying on...

[tooboku]

Currently I concluded-or rather, I "feel" that I concluded, that I will most certainly be alone in life. Quite dramatic, but I suppose that those are the effects of highschool in general. I think it stems from the observation that my close friends have something to be passionate about while I am left wondering and indecisive.
However, my mind keeps circling to the thought that states I probably wouldn't mind being alone anyway.
Is that gooey enough? I'd like to think its something very common.

Quite common.


The lack of inspiration is discouraging though. I hope you find something interesting enough to you to make it your profession. They don't really give you a lot of time in high school as the prerequisites of a lot of university programs have prerequisites in earlier grades and so on. :/

[TrueNorth]

*creeps in* I'm new to the forum and was directed here while in...well, some kind of typical INFP state. This thread is a thing of beauty. I think I understand better now why I've always felt a little protective of the INTJs I've known in my life.

Thank you for being who you are and not being afraid to be who you are.

*warm INFP hugs*

[tooboku]

Yes, yes, I'm a horrible religious right wing racist but I went to church today and they showed a video where Jesus was depicted as a brown guy with a lot of Palestinian features. I have no idea why simply a matter of slightly more educated guess at the appearance of Jesus holds so much more emotional weight to it for me.

My guess is that people are now acknowledging that Jesus was probably not a Caucasian male with blue eyes.

My Fi tells me different. My Fi tells me it's because I've learned to be weary around brown guys but here comes Jesus, the one who I claim to love, and he looks like someone I've trained myself to hate.