[firedell]

This thing with my male INTJ friend has been going on for two years now.
It is the longest story you will ever here in you LIFE. Well not exactly, but I won't bore you with all of it.

Basically the "relationship" goes round in circles because he won't say if he likes me or not, he has yes slept with me, and in his ways tells me he likes me. I on the other hand am scared to lose him as a friend if I asked him if he wants a relationship or not. Or scared of rejection, I don't know. But I am fed up, two years is enough, but part of me always has my hopes up when he flirts with me and acts kind. I have a real lsoft spot for the guy, he could wrap me around his finger. I want to tell him, "Either say you like me or not, or be done with it."

What has got me asking you is, recently (today actually) my INFP guy friend told me he slept with another girl,(about a month ago) which of course has made me very upset. The friend didn't do it out of curelty, he only said it because I asked him who this girl was. I don't know the girl, but he went a long way to meet her, and she pops up on his Facebook a lot. I'm not the jealous type really, but I don't like it. He hasn't boasted about her to his friends, like the others (his ex girlfriends), and me, so this makes me think he is saving my feelings, but my ESTJ friend said he may be ashamed of what he did.



The guy in generally has cheated on both his girlfriend he has had with me, he has never liked any of the girls he has been out with, so he says, and always comes back to me. I'm strung along, sitting, waiting, wishing (a bit of Jack Johnson in there) that one day he will pick me up off my feet, and he will have the courage to tell me how he feels one day. He has told me previously that emotions aren't something he really pays attention to, as in he doesn't think about them much.

When he told me (he was drunk) how he felt about me, I was sober (I don't drink) all I could say was "Ok." to whatever he said to me, I didn't know what to say, he shocked me because he doesn't say much about "us". So I am sitting there like a mute, probably giving him the wrong impression. So I am blaming myself for him sleeping with someone else, yet I would... because I want to believe he is a good person, and possibly I am in the wrong.

As an ENFP it is hard to keep this all in, and I want to know what the best way to deal with this from an INTJ point of view (of course other people's views are welcome). Is this normal INTJ behavoir? =/

Sorry this is pretty long, it could have been four paragraphs longer.

[Viktoria]

I've been in the situation before, with my best friend. It's extremely frustrating, and I understand completely where you are coming from.

I know you may be nervous around him, and I especially know you don;t want to lose him as a friend. However, you need to tell him you care for him as more than a friend, and tell him you actually want to go out with him. He may be too oblivious or nervous to ask you, and I know you don't want to, but it's up to you to take the first step. He may be having his doubts about you as well.

If you don't tell him, you will be stuck with the agony of waiting, for a very long time. This will hurt you in the long run, and after a while you may start to feel like you can't even get a guy due to your waiting around for this one. This happened to me, it could easily happen to you. He may not even say anything and move on with his life. How would you feel then? Horrible.

If you do tell him, it's a win-win situation. How so? Well, you will have a new boyfriend. What happens if you don't? You lose one person out of your life. Just one. And yes, he's important, however it's still just one person, and even if it takes time, you can easily get another. What happens if he says no, you may ask? Well, you're free from him, and you don;t have to worry about anymore. You find someone better. you move on. Will it take a little bit of time? Yes. Will it hurt you? Yes. But it's better than what you are going through now. This is the worst part of it, and it can only get better from here.

you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't just talk to him about it. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself. So do it. Right now.

And I wish you two the best of luck.

[firedell]

If you do tell him, it's a win-win situation. How so? Well, you will have a new boyfriend. What happens if you don't? You lose one person out of your life. Just one. And yes, he's important, however it's still just one person, and even if it takes time, you can easily get another. What happens if he says no, you may ask? Well, you're free from him, and you don;t have to worry about anymore. You find someone better. you move on. Will it take a little bit of time? Yes. Will it hurt you? Yes. But it's better than what you are going through now. This is the worst part of it, and it can only get better from here.

you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't just talk to him about it. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself. So do it. Right now.

And I wish you two the best of luck.

So I need to take a deep breath and take the plunge? I always need a little nudge. I will re-read this over and over and hope it gives me some courage to ask him.
Thank you.

[Viktoria]

So I need to take a deep breath and take the plunge? I always need a little nudge. I will re-read this over and over and hope it gives me some courage to ask him.
Thank you.

Yes. Take a deep breath and do it. It may help if you write it on a piece of paper, like a note, and give it to him if you are too nervous to actually talk to him about it. Or write out how you feel andread it to him to tell him. Tell me how it goes, I'd love to hear what happened and I'll be here for emotional support if you need someone to talk to, assuming it goes wrong, which it wont.

[InvisibleJim]

Ask him, sounds to me like he does. I know I cant make real emotonal approaches with girls for love nor money.

[Deagalman]

I honestly think this in in the wrong section of the fourm, if someone could move it I dunno.
Maybe the Advice section? I was just too upset to look.

Thnank you. I think it should just be deleted. I hope it works out for you.

[starri]

This is weird to me because the INTJs I know would make what they want clear and are ok with initiatives. It's the INTPs that need their partner to initiate.

The guy in generally has cheated on both his girlfriend he has had with me, he has never liked any of the girls he has been out with, so he says, and always comes back to me. I'm strung along, sitting, waiting, wishing (a bit of Jack Johnson in there) that one day he will pick me up off my feet, and he will have the courage to tell me how he feels one day. He has told me previously that emotions aren't something he really pays attention to, as in he doesn't think about them much.

Hmm. Be careful.

[firedell]

Ask him, sounds to me like he does. I know I cant make real emotonal approaches with girls for love nor money.

Dam
Damn you! ;p

[InvisibleJim]

Dam
Damn you! ;p

Seriously! C'est impossible!

Ne me demandez pas de faire une approche, comme la torture thats. Amitié dormir avec moi, puis me dire que je suis votre ami.

Thats the way my relationships start anyway :)

[firedell]

Seriously! C'est impossible!

Ne me demandez pas de faire une approche, comme la torture thats. Amitié dormir avec moi, puis me dire que je suis votre ami.

Thats the way my relationships start anyway :)

Makes sense with his past relationships, the girls made it "official".
Thanks for your input. =]