[caffeine_buff]

hi.



this is something that has bothered me mildly over the years. i thought this is the perfect forum in which to ask this question because there are so many introspective people here:

can you feel it when someone loves you?

i can't. i think it. i know they love me because their thinking and behaviour prove it and they've demonstrated it.. but somehow i cannot feel that sensation of being loved unless it's in a sudden random moment when i feel very strongly connected to them.

i don't think i'm emotionally closed as a person: i love someone people very intensely and i can almost feel my heart blooming open for them. but the street going the other way seems to be alien to my emotional side.

i'm used to this by now but i've an uneasy feeling that this isn't quite right. or is this feeling loved business just random psentimental talk? :)

any ideas?

[rednet2]

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? People feel loved when that love is expressed in different ways, and it's not uncommon for other people to express it in a manner you don't naturally feel.

[March Cat]

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? People feel loved when that love is expressed in different ways, and it's not uncommon for other people to express it in a manner you don't naturally feel.

This is very true.
Here they are:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

[ChanceyRose]

I am assuming you are talking about romantic love. In which case, I have felt truly, deeply loved in only one relationship. I often have trouble identifying what other people are feeling so it takes a very powerful connection with someone for me to recognize it.

[calliope]

hi.

this is something that has bothered me mildly over the years. i thought this is the perfect forum in which to ask this question because there are so many introspective people here:

can you feel it when someone loves you?

i can't. i think it. i know they love me because their thinking and behaviour prove it and they've demonstrated it.. but somehow i cannot feel that sensation of being loved unless it's in a sudden random moment when i feel very strongly connected to them.

i don't think i'm emotionally closed as a person: i love someone people very intensely and i can almost feel my heart blooming open for them. but the street going the other way seems to be alien to my emotional side.

i'm used to this by now but i've an uneasy feeling that this isn't quite right. or is this feeling loved business just random psentimental talk? :)

any ideas?

The word emotion tends to be defined two different ways. One is the sensation in the body ("heart blooming"). And that is the literal definition. The other is more the memory of the sensation and all the beliefs that are tied up with it.

Do you mean you don't feel that physical sensation of warmth or blooming in your chest area, which is what you would imagine you would have since you have it when you feel love for someone?

I think I have a similar thing, but with both sides of the street. I don't get the blooming heart at all. What I get is the conceptual understanding that they love me by how they behave or them saying it. Then I have the feeling I would have as a result of knowing someone I care about loves me. But it's really just a feeling of emotional safety, security, knowing I am accepted, and those facts put my body in a general state of warm fuzziness. But it is not the heart blooming.

I have felt heart blooming once at 8 years old for a minute or else I wouldn't even know what the sensation was. I can feel it occasionally for large groups of people from a distance. But I don't feel it either to or from any human or animal. I tend to not care that much that I am missing a physical body sensation. I don't know why people make such a big deal out of the feeling of heart blooming. It's nice and warm... I think it's more the symbolic meaning of the emotion that is so important. I share the believe a lot of people have that loving connection with other humans is the most important thing in my life.

[Xaleph]

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time

that's how I "can feel loved"

Great question, I love "love". Love is a wonderful thing. It's not something that you can entirely wrap your mind or heart around and yet... It is so easy for us to know what is true love and what is a vapor of emotions.

[caffeine_buff]

What I get is the conceptual understanding that they love me by how they behave or them saying it. Then I have the feeling I would have as a result of knowing someone I care about loves me. But it's really just a feeling of emotional safety, security, knowing I am accepted, and those facts put my body in a general state of warm fuzziness.

aha... that's closest to what i'm talking about. y'know, when terry pratchett describes his character Death, he says Death is skeletal and lacks glands, so he can't feel kind, he just thinks kind. :)) that's pretty much what happens to me when it comes to trying to sense other people's love for me. i'm not hung up on the physical sensation per se: it's more that it think if i'm capable of feeling the emotion of love for someone else, i should be able to feel it when it's directed towards me from someone else. this warm security thing you speak of is similarly distorted in my experience: i think or reason that i'm safe with X.

oh and the warm unlocked feeling thing i've gotten from animals. not people!

[caffeine_buff]

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? People feel loved when that love is expressed in different ways, and it's not uncommon for other people to express it in a manner you don't naturally feel.

I hadn't heard of that - not my usual line of reading i guess :) and no it's not a problem of expecting a particular form of caring and not getting it. in fact i suppose because i know intellectually that they love me, i can see a person's behaviour towards me and how they try to express caring though it may not be my preferred method. it's this inability to feel anything that's nagging at me.

[lirulin]

I didn't know "loved" was supposed to be a feeling. I thought it was just a state....

I can feel happy, safe, in knowing I am loved, but being loved is just another possible reason for feeling safe, happy, not an emotion on its own. Not for me.

I could also feel tired, creeped out, or annoyed that I was loved, if it wasn't mutual. For instance.

[MuChApArAdOx]

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time

that's how I "can feel loved"

Great question, I love "love". Love is a wonderful thing. It's not something that you can entirely wrap your mind or heart around and yet... It is so easy for us to know what is true love and what is a vapor of emotions.

True love is only as true as the person in it. It could mean different things to different people.
I don't think we could compose a list to what is actually true love. For me love is individualistic,
the level and depth can only be felt by the person within the experience. Little or plenty
of depth could mean love and true for any individual.

I like the vapor of emotions idea :)