[hornet]

I'm interested in hearing about common problems or limitations that
we INTJ's have and how you go about dealing with or even solving them.



I post this in hope of this thread being a repository of solutions to
common problems our type face so that we of our type can better our life's.

If you have alternative solutions to situations posted feel free to share them!
That goes for all types. Especially types that have our problem areas handled!

Let me start.

When I get into situations with females I like, that make me feel some sort of
romantic feeling, I leave.
I really would like to stay,but I just leave or at least creates
as much physical space between me and her as possible in the situation.

I'm trying to solve this by making myself endure such feelings longer or
not pull away as far as I used to, but it is kind of a knee-jerk response.

So in this example the way I deal with my emotions is to pull away and
my solution is trying to take control over the pull away response.

[CounterPoint]

Develop your two weakest functions if you want to be able to approach people. Tertiary Fi means INTJs find it hard to be vulnerable (fear of rejection), and inferior Se equates to the lack of expansiveness. If you want to deal with people better, tone down the ego (Fi) and increase your willingness to get into peoples' space (Se).

[hornet]

So I am Ne, Ti, Se, Fi

And the answer is tone down ego and increase willingness to enter other peoples space!

That is a good goal!
Thanks man!

[hornet]

New situation with a solution that I have discovered.

Got to think about this when I read the "Questions you hate from other people" thread.
Got the solution from observing a ENTJ's assertiveness.

Say someone ask you something that you wish they never asked.
You can answer, but you kinda feel that the other person is controlling by making you answer.

The solution is to tell the truth.
I don't want to answer your question!

You may frame this however you want, but the principle is the same!

So...
I'm not comfortable answering that.
I'm not telling you.
Don't ask me questions.
Why are you asking me that?
My lips are sealed.
That is a secret.
I don't want you to know that.

I think you get the point.
This may seem very harsh from our point of view, but it is very effective.

Some questions need answers, but many are just nosy questions
from people trying to see how far they can push your privacy boundaries in my experience.

[Bunker Man]

My only problem dealing with INTJ limitations is inability to properly communicate with people. My unfortunate solution I have to stick with for the time being, til I can do better myself is to get what is essentially a translator.

...It's rather dismaying

[dalsgaard]

My only problem dealing with INTJ limitations is inability to properly communicate with people. My unfortunate solution I have to stick with for the time being, til I can do better myself is to get what is essentially a translator.

...It's rather dismaying

Two things vastly approve my ability to perform in social situations: Drugs and alcohol.

The same thing goes with being very tired. When I'm tired I can "Relax" a lot easier.

I think it has something to do with letting your guard down, and a diminishing self-consciousness. I tend to use my mind actively in social situations, and analyze everything, rather than just letting go and go with the flow (The one thing that an INTJ cannot do). But when I'm drunk or tired my analyzing mind just stops putting everything in context for a while, and I can suddenly just be.

I've gotten pretty good at faking small-talk, but I still creep people out, even on my best days.

[hornet]

Yeah faking small talk! Love it!
A quick fix to the problem that other people seem to be content talking about nothing!

However I have noticed after reading about it that the idea that they talk about
nothing is an INTJ misconception that stem from the fact that we miss
body-language and voice tone in our internal, logical, abstract analysis of their communication.

Cause most people say much more that we often fail to pick up on.
Since like 92% of the communication is not the words.
I hated that fact when I first tripped over it.

[tooboku]

Honestly, it's as simple as exposing yourself to these situations more often and practicing.
Go out, meet people, stick around, get used to it, then go home and rest.

You'll find that most of you are really just selling yourselves short and can be just as sociable as anyone else given the practice.

[hornet]

I agree, good point!

But, it is good to know what limitations you have and what situations you need to
expose yourself too to fix it!

We have our limitations in Se and Fi especially.

[jbking]

"INTJ Personal Growth" has some nice suggestions:

To grow as an individual, the INTJ needs to focus on applying their judgment to things only after they have gone through their intuition. In other words, the INTJ needs to consciously try not to use their judgment to dismiss ideas prematurely. Rather, they should use their judgment against their own ideas. One cannot effectively judge something that they don't understand. The INTJ needs to take things entirely into their intuition in order to understand them. It may be necessary to give your intuition enough time to work through the new information so that it can rebuild its global framework of understanding. INTJs need to focus on using their judgment not to dismiss ideas, but rather to support their intuitive framework.
An INTJ who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to the subject of their judgments, and their motivation for making judgments. Are they judging something external to themselves, or are they judging something that they have sifted through their intuition? Is the motivation for judging something to be able to understand its usefulness in the world, or to dismiss it? Too often, an INTJ will judge something without properly understanding it, and with the intention of dismissing it. Seek first to understand, then to judge.

Notice that the quote says nothing about Fi or Se.

My current main strategy is to try to look at things from a balanced perspective, trying to see things from "the other" perspective that has led to some indecisiveness but upped my flexibility which can be useful in some situations rather than trying to have 1,001 plans for any situation. This is useful at times when it comes to battling some of my anxiety and depression stuff. Another way to view this is to try to have moderation in almost everything as even moderation needs moderation, right?