Okay, I also cross posted this in the INFJ forum to get their point of view, but I'd also like the views of fellow INTJs on dealing with an INFJ parent.
Below is what I wrote:
Okay, so my mother is an INFJ, and many of her results seem to land in the middle (not extremely strong in any one area). She has even gotten the result of "You are Weird." My INTJ does not always seem to jive very well with her personality, and although we have a good relationship currently, there are definite things that seem to get in the way. For example, she is very family orientated, and would love to live next door and have my sister in the next house. I, on the other hand, am rather happy living across the country (our current situation) and (once I'm out of grad school and have the money) having visits a few times a year - if that. If I flat out say that, however, she would take it entirely the wrong way - to her, that says I don't love her. That's not the case at all, I just don't need or desire that constant in person contact. I try to work with her as best I can, but am not willing to bend over backwards for her either (did that when I was younger, and found it was still never enough).
We are both also rather opinionated on topics we feel we know something about - but again, our differences are stark. I like to research things, look at all the options, see the opinions out there, and then make an informed decision. She goes off of feelings and intuition, and often misses facts in her process. This can make discussions pretty frustrating for both of us because I feel like she's ignoring any opinions other than her own, and she feels just as strongly about her position as I do (actually, probably more so, since with enough evidence to the contrary I'm willing to change my stance - she is not).
So, from the INTJ point of view, if you've dealt with INFJs before, suggestions on how I can make our relationship smoother without constantly giving in to her (which doesn't make it smoother since I get pissed off and resentful...been there, done that, things are exponentially better now that I don't)?