[s1ng4m3]

I'm not sure that's the best way to phrase what I'm asking, but it'll have to do.

I'm a fairly strong I...last test, it was 84/16. I do alright in social situations, like my work in an open office with a group of other women 35 hours a week. I can hold my own, anyway, and sometimes I even seem like I'm enjoying all the not-working, let's-chat-about-life stuff. But this past weekend, I had family visiting, and I swear I felt like I was purposely avoiding contact because I couldn't handle it. I tried. I'm usually not this bad.

I don't know if I was just overwhelmed and felt the need to hide (..the inevitable result). Maybe it's because they're all F's, and I never fit in the conversation well for that reason. I'm not sure, really, it was kind of surprising. I thought I was fairly balanced - I grew up in a big family so I had to get used to large social functions. I'm more of an only child now though, maybe that's part of it.



So. Any advice? My (only) INTJ friend recommended I push into some social groups just to make sure I don't become a hermit. Really, though, I do have some fantastic friends that I love spending time with (and some are E's, which really helps). I guess I just saw "group of people who want to have a conversation that isn't about either cold-hard-facts or extremely abstract ideas" and knowing it could get 'emotional' for lack of a better term, I panicked. And read a book inside by myself instead.

(oh, it was a fantastic book though...)

[Harley]

I can definitely relate to your situation. I would literally hide whenever company came over to my house when I was younger, and I remember when I decided to go swimming with a friend of mine she decided to bring her friend without telling me. When I saw this other girl with my friend hanging by the porch I literally ran all the way back home b\c the thought of having to hang with someone I didn't know frightened me .

As I've grown older I've been able to combat this fear of people, by just forcing myself into social situations. I know it doesn't sound like the most diplomatic answer, but it's likes taking bad cough medicine. It might not be something you want to do but you just force yourself to do it anyways. The worst that could happen is that they tell you to fuck off, and while it may sting a bit you just move one and rationalize that it wasn't meant to be. Of course I'm still not a social butterfly to this day, but as time goes on, I'm getting better.

Another thing I would recommend is body language, and voice. Even though your nervous has hell on the inside at least try to give off that you're not shy. I find my plight ironic b\c even though I can't go up and talk to people, I love doing public presentations for classes, and talking in in front of large groups of people. For some reason I'm not nervous at all when I'm doing that. I wonder why

[s1ng4m3]

I can definitely relate to your situation. I would literally hide whenever company came over to my house when I was younger, and I remember when I decided to go swimming with a friend of mine she decided to bring her friend without telling me. When I saw this other girl with my friend hanging by the porch I literally ran all the way back home b\c the thought of having to hang with someone I didn't know frightened me .

As I've grown older I've been able to combat this fear of people, by just forcing myself into social situations. I know it doesn't sound like the most diplomatic answer, but it's likes taking bad cough medicine. It might not be something you want to do but you just force yourself to do it anyways. The worst that could happen is that they tell you to fuck off, and while it may sting a bit you just move one and rationalize that it wasn't meant to be. Of course I'm still not a social butterfly to this day, but as time goes on, I'm getting better.

Another thing I would recommend is body language, and voice. Even though your nervous has hell on the inside at least try to give off that you're not shy. I find my plight ironic b\c even though I can't go up and talk to people, I love doing public presentations for classes, and talking in in front of large groups of people. For some reason I'm not nervous at all when I'm doing that. I wonder why

See...it's weird. When I was little, I wouldn't say I was a social butterfly but I was definitely better at meeting new people, dealing with big groups, etc. Now it's like I've come to the realization that we don't have to be those kids at recess that play with everyone else. It's okay that I want to sit in the corner and read by myself. ...that is okay, right?

I'm working on the whole forced-social-interaction thing. Can't promise anything but I'll try.
And I *hate* public presentations...funny how that works.

[Harley]

See...it's weird. When I was little, I wouldn't say I was a social butterfly but I was definitely better at meeting new people, dealing with big groups, etc. Now it's like I've come to the realization that we don't have to be those kids at recess that play with everyone else. It's okay that I want to sit in the corner and read by myself. ...that is okay, right?

I'm working on the whole forced-social-interaction thing. Can't promise anything but I'll try.
And I *hate* public presentations...funny how that works.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the person sitting alone and reading a book, in fact that's what I do! I find that there is nothing wrong with being anti-social as long as it is not detrimental to your overall health. It's funny, because I think of all the friends I have (not many might I add) and in the beginning of our friendship they approached me, and kept on pestering me, so to be honest I don't think I have ever initiated a relationship of any kind with anybody since I was like in grade school.

And I agree I was much better at talking to random people when I was younger too. I don't know what happened but as I got older I guess I just closed myself off to more people.

As for the forces interaction thing, it sucks but I find myself having to use this method not only in social situations with new people but with salespersons and cashiers also, it's terrible. I can never go up pay things if no one else is in front, I have to wait for someone to come then I line up behind them and pay my things. It's stupid but for some reason I just can't face those cashiers and their "how was everything?" cheeriness.

[InvisibleJim]

I understand the situation. If I'm grumpy I really cant go family around me for any length of time. Especially certain members who just want to keep talking etc. It tends to interrupt my chain of thought to an unacceptable degree.

[Kevinaswell]

Dddduuuuuudddddddeeeeee.

Don't feel bad my NT buddy :)

That situation sounded annoying as hell >.<

Granted, it was family, so I feel like you should have felt comfortable enough to be all "wtf is up you feelers", but whatever that doesn't really matter.

That sounded like an annoying situation, so don't hold it against yourself for not being super cool with it :)

You're few friends are all you need. :) I'm sure you got a couple acquaintances...but those are silly anyways :)

You'll know if you're a hermit. And you'll make a thread about it, and we'll solve that problem when it happens :) Which it probably won't :)

Holy shit I keep typing fucking smilies :)

[Munchies]

i understand how you feel, i think its because i force myself to be Extroverted, but naturally i think i am Introverted...
I usually convince myself that i am being self centered by not talking to anyone, avoiding family contactl. So i force myself to be more natural around them, be more happy... and soon enough its no problem. So i guess my advise would be to just put yourself out there, and see how that goes.

[Ninja]

You feel separated, and self excluded because you do it to yourself. This isn't a bad thing. You don't want to be involved so you don't get involved. I may steer away from the cold hard facts discussion and go to the emotional one :) It seems as if you are giving yourself trouble about who you are and what you do more than anyone else is giving you a reason to doubt your actions.

[s1ng4m3]

Dddduuuuuudddddddeeeeee.

Don't feel bad my NT buddy :)

That situation sounded annoying as hell >.<

Granted, it was family, so I feel like you should have felt comfortable enough to be all "wtf is up you feelers", but whatever that doesn't really matter.

That sounded like an annoying situation, so don't hold it against yourself for not being super cool with it :)

You're few friends are all you need. :) I'm sure you got a couple acquaintances...but those are silly anyways :)

You'll know if you're a hermit. And you'll make a thread about it, and we'll solve that problem when it happens :) Which it probably won't :)

Holy shit I keep typing fucking smilies :)

Wow. What a speech, thank you friend. And you're right, it was an annoying as hell situation, and normally I'm all "Remember me, I'm the heartless one in the corner that could care less how emotional you're all being" but i walked in on a cry-fest (oh god, crying, noooooo) and from that point on I was gone. :P

And I appreciate all the smilies. Although it reminds me of my over-feeler sister-in-law who drives me *crazy*. But you seem sane...as sane as any one of us NT's can be.

[s1ng4m3]

i understand how you feel, i think its because i force myself to be Extroverted, but naturally i think i am Introverted...

That's pretty much how I used to be, due to the large-family and busy-workplace thing. But lately I'm just kinda going 'screw it' and embracing my I self. I guess moderation in everything...