She admits that her behavior is non-traditional. Why should she feel bad about talking about it? If she wants to live her life by not using other peoples' feelings to affect her decisions, who am I to say that is horrible? It seems very INTJ, as a matter of fact. I don't have the guts to say whatever I want to others. When I see her behavior I get shocked. I recognize that maybe I could use a little more of what she is doing, otherwise why would I get so shocked. I am willing to accept other ways of thinking, but I like to examine them, particularly when I am afraid of them.
It is a question of not perceiving the concept of behaviors from a personal standpoint. As I said, I wouldn't talk about your behavior publicly, ever. But, yes, someone who is out about their not following social rules and who has very defined identity, I feel that I can ask any question. Like, "Hey, did you really mean that you are laughing at us and we are a joke intellectually?" I can ask that to her. She made the statement, and I can ask.
Also, if she is telling newcomers that their posts are unwanted when they are new on our subforum, I can say, "Wow. That would be interpreted as really bad in the outside world," and ask her, without insulting her, what her beliefs about it are. Of course I know she isn't hazing people. But I would never just criticize someone right out on their choice of post content unless I knew them well. Why? Because I care what others think about that. So who is correct, me or her? Am I more correct because I choose to care what others think?
These are very interesting questions for me and it applies directly to my life, that spectrum of taking other people's feelings and thoughts into account. Yeah, if she is willing to talk, I am willing to ask her. Talking about others' behavior is very controversial. But that's what we are here for.