EidtL: don't mINd me.
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This is a discussion on The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ. within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; EidtL: don't mINd me....
EidtL: don't mINd me.
Last edited by Eylrid; 07-20-2012 at 01:49 PM.
Having an INTJ mentor, when you are a growing INTJ, is possibly the best thing that's happened to me this decade. I highly recommend it.
I ordered the little bits starter kit. Maybe I can get some creative juices flowing. It's back ordered, though, so I'll have to wait about a month for it.
Ya! Interview complete.
I think they liked me and my brain. muhahahaha
When cosplay goes too far:
Aurora 'Dark Knight' Suspect James Holmes Says He 'Was the Joker': Cops - ABC News
@Abraxas, I don't really think I've seen evidence of tertiary Fe from you on here. Fe, in a sense, can be thought of as surrendering your own beliefs and emotions for someone else's - how would you feel if X happened to you - that must be exactly how they feel. It's strives for absolute certainty with these emotions, and is often based either off of physical remembrances of past experiences (Si), or intangible hunches (Ni). I just don't see how the tone of your interpolations of self-growth and morphing over time would point to such functional poignance. Unless you've masked your wording this whole time to fit something else.
The difference between Fi empathy and Fe empathy is quite salient, actually. Fi can be equally empathetic towards others. It might involve searching for the self to better serve others, and it might involve understanding others better so one can provide them with what they need to feel happier. But, importantly, these feelings are convergent with the individual feeling them. That is, you feel the feeling and act - you don't feel the feeling for them, or on their behalf.
I believe the reason INTJ's feel pressured by Fe is that their use of Fi, feeling their own feelings on behalf of someone else, is itself underdeveloped and therefore something to improve, and work at - this is itself a challenge. Let alone they be expected to literally become someone else at an emotional level. This requires one to possess the mental vigor to pay attention to others constantly - or you'd probably miss something important about them. What time would we have for our inner worlds, and inner feelings?
If I had been in my friend's shoes, I would have wanted to be alone. But I also know that some people deal with grief over a death by wanting to be surrounded by friends. So I texted her saying I had seen the news and wanted to know whether she wanted my company that weekend or would rather have some time to herself before I came to visit.
I told my boss about it, and her immediate, vehement response was, "I would want all my friends there, you should go." I gently explained that yes, she would want friends there, but not everyone would feel that way. Again, her response was "I would want all my friends there, you should go." So I then told her that I would rather be alone, but since I knew other people might want friends there, I left the choice in my friend's hands. My boss responded yet again with "I would want all my friends there, you should go." I mentally facepalmed and was going to drop the subject except my friend texted back just then saying she wanted to be alone. My boss asked to see the text because she just couldn't believe someone would feel differently than she did.
To her, the appropriate response is based on how SHE would feel in their shoes; if she has no experience with the situation, she acts based on what the socially accepted conventional response would be. To me, on the other hand, the appropriate response is based on what the individual is feeling; I hold back and try to gauge what the other person is feeling and respond based on that and if I can't figure it out on my own, only then do I make a decision based on how I would feel in their shoes - and only then does it become obvious I'm just as bound by my own perspective as she is, because I then respond based on the way I would feel, which is generally just wanting to not be intruded upon. So if I'm really uncertain I generally do nothing or try to let them feel my presence but try not to intrude, rather than put my trust in socially conventional responses which are usually inappropriate given how I'm feeling - most people apparently don't withdraw/isolate the way I do.
I any one way right or wrong? She may respond inappropriately at times, but I often fail to respond when I should. It's hard to say, really.
No idea whether this is Fe vs. Fi, but I often use the story to explain the biggest source of frustration for me in trying to understand my boss. I have never met someone so unable to see things from another person's perspective, everything is how SHE would feel, how SHE would respond, what SHE would do in that situation - there have been times when she's literally been incapable of accepting the words coming out of someone's mouth because they are not responding in the same way she would. And I've never understood when she takes the stance that some feelings are inappropriate - feelings just *are*, they just happen and that's that - it's how we respond to them that can be determined as appropriate or inappropriate.
Looks like I've just missed like ... 30 pages of chat. Serves me right for spending the past couple days with /gasp/ an extrovert AND engaged in social activity /double-gasp/.