[INTJ] INTJ in love

INTJ in love

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This is a discussion on INTJ in love within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; What is love like for INTJ's and what do you appreciate in a love partner? What's the best way to ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    INTJ in love

    What is love like for INTJ's and what do you appreciate in a love partner? What's the best way to love INTJ's, to show INTJ"S that they are loved in a language they understand, without encroaching upon them ? What would you want the person you're in a relationship with to understand most about you in order to have the kind of relationship you feel comfortable and happy in?

    What is the interplay between your thoughts and emotions like when you are a TJ preference?
    pinkrasputin, NeonBomb, Now and Then and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Answering for myself...

    May I suggest looking at something like Gary Chapman's "Love Languages" for ideas on how to relate to someone? While I could see caring for someone and this being part of the classic love definition there can be more to it than that. What I'd appreciate is someone that can understand that I'm sensitive, pensive, quiet and usually have a lot more going on than it may appear.

    I understand my emotions though they can be intense and sometimes there are physiological symptoms that accompany some emotions, such as crying, shaking, sweating, etc. I like my order and structure to things but at the same time I can be rather sensitive and tend to keep my emotions to myself rather than share as I wonder what is proper to share and how in depth do I go with some of it? For example, I could be more than a little surprised by something and feel the need to spend an hour getting the proper balance conveyed of where this was in the overall shock spectrum to someone else.

    I like to think and thus thoughts are common to me and I have them quite frequently. Sometimes my thoughts can be linear and one thing leads to another and sometimes I go on a curve which could confuse some other people.
    Minesweeper Queen and Havenisse thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    What is love like for INTJ's and what do you appreciate in a love partner?
    Straight forward and honest. Brutally honest.

    What's the best way to love INTJ's, to show INTJ"S that they are loved in a language they understand, without encroaching upon them ?
    Say "I Love You". Then don't play any games, intentional or unintentional.

    What would you want the person you're in a relationship with to understand most about you in order to have the kind of relationship you feel comfortable and happy in?
    Tell me what you want and need, do not hint and especially don't get mad at me when I don't get your hints.

    What is the interplay between your thoughts and emotions like when you are a TJ preference?
    Emotions will be rationalized and quantified to explain why i like someone. When i meet people in the future they are compared to previous emotions for trends. Then predictions are made based on the trends to determine future positive and negative social interactions and plan for possibilities.
    pinkrasputin, susurration, rizzy and 11 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Never been in love.
    freddo thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I have only really been in love with someone once (ESFP)... and I was a basket case. It was the longest relationship I ever had. Neither of us handled it very well, and the relationship was a tug-of-war most of the duration. I constantly made her angry or sad unintentionally, and she constantly drove me insane with her bizarre neediness, suicidal thoughts, bulimia, and her stupid ideas. She was definitely an artist, and it was her lifeblood. And I was just unwilling to buy into it.

    I most enjoyed our simple alone time with each other. She could be extraordinarily tender and loving, and, when she wasn't spinning out, we could enjoy simply "being" in each other's company. She was loving, and adored sex, and that was my kind of woman.

    I'm big on music, so I can describe it in those terms. Love was much the same as listening to fantastic music that resonates irrationally to me, and the discord was like listening music I just found trite and derivative. I could feel the passion strongly from the parts I liked, and I just cringed and couldn't tolerate the parts that sucked.

    The best way she showed me she understood me was when she gave me space, and didn't always try to "surprise!" me. God I hated surprises, and she loved them. Also, time together, being in the same room, and doing our own thing quietly, maybe close and touching each other, but not feeling the need to hash anything out, were great. I usually hated her ideas for things to do (if she ever rarely came up with one), but she was always willing to do what I wanted to do. That was pretty good. Having her own friends, and leaving me out of it, was always good.

    As for encroaching... it's a tough thing to balance. Space, but not distance. Feeling loyalty, but not neediness. No lying about your feelings, but also no harbouring anger that I'm not on the feeling train, nor I am naturally prone to attack feelings with a plan to overcome them, rather than just accept them.

    All that said, I don't have a clue what "happily in love" would be like.
    bethdeth, Hemoglobin and Laura C thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Just watch WALL-E. It's probably the best blueprint for INTJ matchmaking.
    cbelle, beqiblaqheart, Shayde and 3 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    just to digress a bit. i've been talking to this intj a lot online. but recently, he just logs out for some reason after an exchange of prolly 2 sentences! it's just plain rude sometimes. and i totally don't understand it. we used to chat a lot and i would like to believe that we were close. what happened? i may have a little crush on this intj btw. i'm an enfp. should i just delete him? it's just downright annoying. what is he trying to say? stay away?!
    entheos thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Love, ah.............i retired from that years ago!

    Love, (as defined by psychologist) exist in three parts: attachment, caring and intimacy, so to say you love you must posses these three.

    Attachment: i don't like being attached to anything or any one.Maintaining the attachment to someone for me is too difficult (emotionally).
    Caring: yeah i care.I'm just busy at the moment.
    Intimacy:let's just move on!

    I don't think i could love anyone genuinely, so I'd rather........ leave him alone.
    susurration and Blacktide thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    It's important to figure out and read the small emotional cues, which probably would have to be done in trail-and-error style. Take me for example, until someone learns to read my cues I'm a mystery but once they do I'm appearently an open book. In relationships it's doublely important because I can be hurt really easily and unintentially by the other but never bring it up because I see my emotions as irrational and therefore stupid.

    Also it is best to be straight forward with an INTJ. If you like one and have even an inkling that the INTJ likes you, please just tell. It's really frustrating for an INTJ to have someone beat around the bush, especially in emotional areas where we typically need someone else to lead.

    As for you're last question. My thought process is sort of layered. On top is my logical thought and underneath is a current of emotions. The emotions are typically subtle and dominated by thought, but while in love (and a few other cases) my emotions push through the surface and my thought struggles to rationalize what's going on to keep from being overwhelmed.
    lirulin, Dove, selfinsufficient and 5 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I would like to throw out a few open questions about this subject to INTJ's,..and a few obsevations I've made.. It seems that a lot of INTJ's ask for totally openess, honesty and straight forwardness from the partner in a relationship, to take the emotional lead so to speak.. but they also talk about the partner having to read their cues, or spot the patterns of the subtle emotions underneath the Thinking.
    Does this strike anyone as an unfair balance of information? It seems the openesss is all one way towards the INTJ, whilst the INTJ remains self contained.. if this is a fair obervaton,.. would it be the reason why so many many INTJ's choose an E person, specifically ENFP, to have as a romantic partner? Do any of you find that ENFP can keep the openess flowing from their side more than other personality types?
    Also, have any INTJ's found that a relationship with another introverted intuitive or any introvert become a stand off or stagnates becuase neither are very keen to be the one to open up or be the 'emotional, open leader'?
    Thanks in advance to anyone who chooses to try and answer these questions.
    G. xx
    fievre, nallyha, NaughyChimp and 5 others thanked this post.


 

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