[INTJ] INTJ seduction and sex

INTJ seduction and sex

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This is a discussion on INTJ seduction and sex within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    INTJ seduction and sex

    So we have the reputation of being the coldest type in the MBTI model: introverted, no small talk, straightforward – which makes me wonder how you (mainly the men) get to know women, get sex, love etc.

    I mean do you have some sort of passive seduction techniques, silent hopes of being pursued? How did you meet your girlfriend or your wife? Work, park, party? Do you initiate? How do you establish rapport? How did it click? I've read this post about an INTJ who simply stood in the vicinity of the girl he was interested in until she noticed him. Why not, to each his own.

    Thing is I'm totally untalented when it comes to seduction or so. I know girls are attracted to me and when I enter a room they turn their heads. But that's it, they don't approach me (except ENTP women). Of course, they expect me to make the first move!

    And concerning sex: Do you have a generalized picture of your sexual partners? I just tried to type the women in my life and it seems most of them are SF or NT. That fits: ENTP and INFJ almost always find me attractive, but I run away from the latter. I can't explain the SF.
    chanteuse thanked this post.

  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    I observe prior to initiating a connection. This means I have justified deciding to connect.
    Connection always begins on a friendship basis...because I have to get to know someone before I find them attractive (of course we all can appreciate a fine looking specimen, though this is beyond that).....
    After I get to know them if I find having something I may consider beyond friendship I may flirt a little. Doesnt mean I am wanting to pursue something heavy...but playing around and teasing them means I like them enough to pay attention.

    I am not afraid to reach out to someone I am interested in though it seems I bring them to the playground quite a bit before I decide if I am willing to take it further.

    Flirting is a lot of fun.....with the right one.
    I especially like to flirt around with ISTJ's...ha, and somehow I can usually get them to respond...and get them to play with me.
    Love that!

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    No seduction technique.

    I get to know women randomly. Usually one of them invites me to join them and if they talk to me they become a friend.

    So far i've only fallen for ENFPs. I did crush really bad on an ENFJ. I recent;y figured out that an INTJ/INTP/ENTP could make a great partner.

    I really can't help myself with ENFX. Like a binary star, i have to orbit them and they have to orbit me.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Here I come to stomp all over the INTJ stereotype when it comes to flirting/sex/seduction.


    For a woman I have an exceptionally high libido, probably higher than most of the males I know. I would definitely say I am a "Type B" as was discussed in the following thread:


    I am sexually confident, and when it comes to pursuing a male/female (I'm not fussy) of interest I am borderline aggressive. I like shy people as they seem to appreciate my forwardness. I don't mind being a switch, if somebody wants to chase me and dominate me that's perfectly fine.

    The problem I have with people though is misreading signals from them. More often than not I am unaware of how they feel about me until their tongue is down my throat... I'm rather challenged in that respect.

    My SO is a very passive man (INFP). So it was up to me to chase him. I met him at a LAN, he offered to partition my hard drive and it was limerence at first sight. He had no idea what he got himself into....

    I do have a preference for INTs... the mental connection is what gets me going. I do also have a preference for "mental" relationships which would account for several internet relationships in the past.

    I have enjoyed an ESTJ and an ENFP in the past for purely physical relationships.. no mental connection. It really depends on the individual and what is being wanted at the time.

    Different strokes for different folks.
    Last edited by Hemoglobin; 06-28-2010 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Removal of information that could cause debate.
    Turututu, beth x, bionic and 5 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Here's my final answer....

    First, let me preface my answer by stating that I've only had 2 dates in my entire life, one girlfriend and that in some ways this is a great challenge for me but I'll try to answer anyway.

    I get to know people by crossing paths. This can be because she lives near me, works near me or some activity I enjoy is where she can be found,e.g. she could be in one of my support groups or meetup groups. This may not quite be the answer you wanted but it is the honest answer I'll give.

    I do have silent hopes of being pursued but little faith that that will work. I am currently single and to some extent like it that way at the moment. I'm not averse to having a girlfriend but I tend to not be the initiator of communications and thus would like to find a woman that will talk to me rather than having to put myself out there directly in the line of fire, or at least that is how I view mingling at times.

    At times I can be denser than most people I'd imagine. I had a couple of women stop me once and instead of asking for their numbers, I answered their question and headed off to complete my mission of getting to my ride. Other times, I've had the gumption to either know someone from various previous meetings or just go ahead and throw myself out there and see what happens.

    Concerning sex, I've only had the one sexual partner so I think I'll ignore this part for now as I'm likely in a minority of celibate Christians awaiting marriage someday.
    Obstructor and Summery thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I can be quite passive; unless someone has mastered my cheat code, then I'm drooling all over the place like a madman. Basically one requires and is happy to have a female who initiates as often as they like.

    I've spotted on other boards a relation between people being INTJ and being somewhat kinky; apparently people think this is quite true. I've had positive results. Kinkier the better.
    bionic, OneiricEntropy, ficsci and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    ^Oh My^

    *Steps into a cold shower*
    vel, L'Empereur and NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by fragrance View Post
    I just tried to type the women in my life and it seems most of them are SF or NT. That fits: ENTP and INFJ almost always find me attractive, but I run away from the latter. I can't explain the SF.
    why do you run away from us?

    One of the INTJs I know used to DJ at the parties when he was younger. This way he wasn't really out there mingling with the crowd. He got to play around with the equipment and girls still took notice of him and approached him for conversation. That's how he met his SF wife. He also had a repertoire of jokes which he knew (and still knows) how to tell just at the right moment, which endeared him to others. He basically knew how to make people laugh. Second INTJ would approach girls at grad school parties, but he has had more problems with keeping relationships going.

    How do people initiate conversation ... well here's an example. A friend drags me out to a party. At some point some dude flies up to me and starts speaking German to me out of the blue. I tell him that although I understand what he is saying I don't "sprechen ze deusch" myself, but how come he thought that I do and where did he learn to speak it so well himself. And so conversation starts. Basically don't be afraid of being a bit random. This is how ENTPs catch attention. They are not afraid of approaching and saying some random and perhaps somewhat silly things but with confidence and resolve. Drink a bit of alcohol to loosen up as needed. T-type extraverts are more likely to approach you first, but they are also more likely to approach a bunch of other people as well. You yourself can look for fellow introverts - girls who seem quieter and prefer one-on-one conversations.

    Observing people from distance a bit before approaching is a good idea. That's usually what INxJs do. If you go to a party, make it your goal to looks around and approach at least one girl and start a conversation yourself. You're not untalented. You just need to practice. With more practice your introverted intuition will start receiving data to start making some patterns and connections, then you will get a better sense of what to do. And expect some conversations to die out or just lead no where. I mean the point is to find that one person you would click well with and that can take some time and several conversations.
    rizzy, Matt Cork, Delilah and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by hemoglobin View Post
    My SO is a very passive man (INFP). So it was up to me to chase him. I met him at a LAN, he offered to partition my hard drive and it was limerence at first sight.
    I'm sorry, it's not meant as an insult, I just love playing with my imagination. When I read that line I immediately imagined myself at a LAN approaching a girl with a porn look on my face and asking "Hey, would you like me to partition your hard drive?"

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    I've spotted on other boards a relation between people being INTJ and being somewhat kinky ... Kinkier the better.
    What's erotic? Using a feather. What's kinky? Using the whole damn chicken.

    Quote Originally Posted by vel View Post
    why do you run away from us? ... How do people initiate conversation ... well here's an example.
    I don't know, but the INFJ girls I met were all a bit too esoteric. The last one showed me her altar and that really scared me. The one before her flirted with me by asking "Do you still carry the soul of your last life?". They were all beautiful and sexy, but I'm at a loss with such topics. Compare that to the last ENTP approach: I was drinking something at a party near the dancefloor and she came up from behind and "fucked" me from behind like 50x!

    Oh, I didn't communicate very well there: I have no problems with approaching people. My friends even think I'm the most extrovert person they know. My problem is the seduction or flirt phase, the thing that connects approach with relationship/sex.
    Hemoglobin, vel, Lestat and 4 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by fragrance View Post
    What's erotic? Using a feather. What's kinky? Using the whole damn chicken.
    If I have to give details you don't want to know (yet).
    carrina thanked this post.

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