[mdawn]

im beginning to think that INTJs may actually be better off single. now before anyone shits a brick, im not being negative.. im just throwing out an idea.

thoughts?

[wealldie]

I have no idea if I am better off single. But I sure don't feel better off in the doldrums of a relationship. If a relationship could find a reasonable balance where I don't feel I have to keep giving reassurances, or I don't feel like I am being held hostage by emotionalism, I might be more interested. I usually only get to a certain point, and then I can't take it anymore. I do enjoy the early parts of relationships... I just can't stand them longterm.

[bethdeth]

I do like the beginning of a relationship before everything goes pear shaped and feeling trapped. I too find emotive traps laid out like a minefield all too boring and draining.

Generally I do better over all in achievements alone. I had to put off careers, studying....been financially worse off etc with a partner around.

But I like the idea of someday actually having a companion......surely I should be more cynical?

[ariana20]

since i was young, almost without exception, all my long term relationships have been long distance of one kind or another, i only just realised there was this pattern after i got divorced from someone who used to work away at sea for about 4-6 months at a time on oil tankers, he was then home for usually an equivalent amount of time, during which time our relationship would go from an exhilerating high to a point where we couldnt wait to get away from each other, i certainly resented the fact that my private space was invaded, i didnt have anywhere i could go to be alone when i needed to be, our relationship issues were too long and complex to describe here but although his faults were many and his actions frequently despicable and quite frankly he could have been locked up for some of the things he did to me over the years, i now wonder in retrospect whether my intj tendencies may have also contributed to the way things went from the get go, in fact i think its a near certainty that they did. since we split up my life has definitely improved no end, i have found strengths i didnt know i had, i have grown immensely as a person and know who i am now, i've studied, got much better jobs and feel so much happier now i am not trying to be someone else. i am now in a relationship with a wonderful guy who is in the army and consequently works away, it works fine for me as i am not bothered by being alone for long periods of time at all,its got all the benefits of being single with all the advantages of being together at the same time even if i do have to wait, and he is nothing like my ex at all, but i dont want to replicate my mistakes so am trying to be more understanding of what i am like in relationships and how i can be better; i want this one to work out i think he is a very special catch indeed and dont want to get it wrong again

[bethdeth]

, i certainly resented the fact that my private space was invaded, i didnt have anywhere i could go to be alone when i needed to be, our relationship issues were too long and complex to describe here but although his faults were many and his actions frequently despicable and quite frankly he could have been locked up for some of the things he did to me over the years, i now wonder in retrospect whether my intj tendencies may have also contributed to the way things went from the get go, in fact i think its a near certainty that they did.

i dont want to replicate my mistakes so am trying to be more understanding of what i am like in relationships and how i can be better; i want this one to work out ....and dont want to get it wrong again

I can relate to that.

I can take responsibility for the lack of exuberance on my face which seems to drive SO's nuts....I was told that I lacked that certain "pleased to see you look" which lends to insecurity...I don't think it was ever there though....strange

[InvisibleJim]

Like all types INTJs can do 'better' in a positive relationship if they are free to do what they need to do; but we tend to be more independent than other and therefore this benefit appears much less than it does to others so we tend not to aim for it.

Also the INTJ life goals are often quite opposed to what can occur if a relationship becomes restrictive.

[ariana20]

I can relate to that. I can take responsibility for the lack of exuberance on my face which seems to drive SO's nuts....I was told that I lacked that certain "pleased to see you look" which lends to insecurity...I don't think it was ever there though....strange

i think you read my mind, its almost what i wrote and then deleted, my ex was soooo insecure and jealous it was beyond a joke many times over

anyway i am actively working on trying to correct this in myself now i have acknowledged it, so that the excitement which does exist in my mind about this particular individual is not stifled and suppressed subconsciously but rather consciously replicated in my face and actions and the words i use, its taking a small degree of effort on my part but i am hoping the rewards reaped will be more than worth it, i think he must be special as i have never really felt it was important to try before

wouldnt it be easier if men could just read our minds and then we wouldnt have to go through such rituals

[wealldie]

I can take responsibility for the lack of exuberance on my face which seems to drive SO's nuts....I was told that I lacked that certain "pleased to see you look" which lends to insecurity...I don't think it was ever there though....strange

Ha ha. I have this problem in most aspects of life. I generally give off the "oh god, what are you doing here?" look to most people.

[lirulin]

Ha ha. I have this problem in most aspects of life. I generally give off the "oh god, what are you doing here?" look to most people.

Guilty. That always goes down well.

[mdawn]

I have no idea if I am better off single. But I sure don't feel better off in the doldrums of a relationship. If a relationship could find a reasonable balance where I don't feel I have to keep giving reassurances, or I don't feel like I am being held hostage by emotionalism, I might be more interested. I usually only get to a certain point, and then I can't take it anymore. I do enjoy the early parts of relationships... I just can't stand them longterm.

i completely agree. its like the longer a relationship lasts, the more is expected of you, the harder it is to let go, the easier it is to get upset, etc... relationships are too demanding for almost. too many strings attached.. too many loop holes. and the emotional attachment kills me. im not good with sharing or even having emotions dealing directly with another person. in the beginning of a relationship, everything is fresh, sweet, and unpredictable.. but in the long term, theres too many expectations