[InJourney]

Hi! I'm an INTJ - a healthy one - i hope! and Enneagram: 5w6 L7,8

As you already know, I'm aloof!

though, I'm a good conversational person with all types of people(Business, Relationships),
till the point they want me to share!

there is an ENFP girl that I feel connected to here in everything, and she feels the same too, even more!

surprisingly enough, we have a deep problem in communication...

I love here, but I can't talk to here more than 3 sentences, and we are both out!

She even came to me many times to talk, again the conversation was very awkward!

I tried to figure this thing out, but I couldn't!

the thing is that she expects too much from me, she expects that I 'open up' and share as soon as I talk
to here, well I don't open up, even to my mother in everything!

I feel like she wants from me to come to her, and tell her 'I love you' from the first sentence..

I try to convey to her that she doesn't need my love for her to be okay, then, I sense her depression.

then, I cheer her up!

Her crush on me makes me want to flee! and, I don't want to be rude to her by running!
sometimes, I do run when it gets too hot!

the funny thing that this is driving me crazy, and usually I'm not!

Please, if you have any kind of advice tell me!
especially if you have been in the situation of (INTJ male / ENFP female) interaction..

thank you very much! and, you made two humans on this planet less miserable!

Byes!

[Grey]

I'm not an expert in any way, but I'll try my best.What'll you want to do is, at the very least, find compromise. Most of all, don't lead this girl on - figure out if you want to make something of her crush instead of playing her on and making things awkward. Be nice, and don't emphasize the negatives when you speak to her. I can't recommend any ENFP-specific procedure when it comes to conversation topics, but at least try to find some common interest you both have, and maybe even involve yourself in that. If you really have concerns about where your situation is going, I would say bring it up with her. She may even have the same concerns. Overall, I would say just do your best to address the concerns, find compromise over what you both want of your interaction (you independence, I assume, and her emotional connection), and don't drag it out into the mud.

[intj123]

is this your first girlfriend or something? I mean I totally understand the intj shyness and awkwardness but I tend to get over it after spending a little time with them, why don't you just give her what she wants man? You know you want to!

[wealldie]

I'm not sure where you are about dealing with relationships, but have you thought about having sex with her? I find it a lot easier to so-called "open up" after sex. I guess there's also alcohol to loosen your lips, but that can also be a spoiler.

Anyway, you don't have to open up like a gaping wound and release insecurities or secrets on to her, but you can open up and talk passionately about something you find interesting that isn't necessarily tied up with emotionalism. A display of passion about something, whether music, or a book, or another subject of some sort that you are interested in, and throw in a few "feeling" words that are something she would understand. Sometimes coming from a non-emotional place, you may just have to fake externalizing passion a little without being deceitful.

[Shanty]

I'm not sure where you are about dealing with relationships, but have you thought about having sex with her? I find it a lot easier to so-called "open up" after sex. I guess there's also alcohol to loosen your lips, but that can also be a spoiler.

I don't know if you meant this as a joke, but I pretty much think having sex is the PERFECT way to be more at ease.

I don't know how old you both are, but I would imagine you're not THAT young ... grab some beer!!

What's her sense of humour like?

[Rouge]

Hello InJourney, your ENFP friend sounds like my ENFP gal pal. She's romantic and does everything with a great deal of enthusiasm and spirit :) Like you, I'm an introvert who doesn't open up easily. So our initial conversations involved a great deal of me listening while she talked. Most people enjoy this. Ask her questions, invite her to tell you more, challenge some of her ideas, share with her what you've experienced or read and give your perspective. ENFPs love ideas and discussion and you INTJs are masters in the subjects you're interested in. I'm not sure if my friend even realised whether I told her much about myself in the beginning. Perhaps that was why she was attracted to me- I was a mystery that needed effort to uncover ;)

Good luck with your ENFP friend InJourney. I hope it works out between the two of you!

[mystify529]

Not that I'm an expert on dealing with ENFPs, but I've recently dated a ENFP guy and when he says "open up" it doesn't necessarily mean being emotional and telling your deepest, darkest secret. It can range from your interests and activities to your dreams/aspirations/frustrations in life.

You can talk to her about the things that interest you, or talk abt your activities. Like for example if you went somewhere recently you can talk about your trip, the people you met there and the things that you did. Or if you like a specific book maybe you can share what it's all about and what your thoughts are about it. Or what genre of music you prefer.. You can even tell her some random observations that you have. In short, you can tell her things without putting emotions into it. That will be easier for you, and she will be able to appreciate that and understand that gradually, she's learning more about you. Talking about one's activities may seem nonsensical and a waste of time but it also serves as a glimpse of what kind of person you are. This may lead into disagreements and contrasting preferences, but if it's not that crucial to your relationship, then you can just agree to disagree.

Good luck!