[INTJ] What is the difference between Romantic Love and Platonic Love?

What is the difference between Romantic Love and Platonic Love?

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This is a discussion on What is the difference between Romantic Love and Platonic Love? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hello :) the other day, i sat down and poured my heart out in the ENFP forum and realized in ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    What is the difference between Romantic Love and Platonic Love?

    Hello :)

    the other day, i sat down and poured my heart out in the ENFP forum and realized in the end that I haven't figured out what makes the difference between platonic love and romantic love, and I've been confusing the two for a long time. Is it the sexual attraction that makes it different? Is it the type of feeling? The intensity?

    Then I thought, who better to ask than the INTJs, who always seem to have the most interesting and thought-provoking perspectives around, even on mushy things like love. What do you guys think?

  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Platonic love is love without physical intimacy, like between friends, family, and other people.

    Romantic love however, is something that is different for everyone and you will never find a universal consensus on that one. My friend thinks that romantic love is all about gifts courting and that sort of intense infatuation when you are initially smitten with someone and are willing to do anything for them. Afterwhich they dump the sucker once they become bored of the person and stop treating them like a god/goddess.

    For me I like that part about relationships the least, that isn't romance to me it is just infatuation which doesn't hold much meaning to me since that sort of temporary affection will not last forever.

    For me romance is loving to spend time with a person, loving them for their great ideas, personality, and even their flaws. I am not satisfied unless I feel that I have not just a physical attraction to someone but a deep emotional bond with them that transcends mere infatuation. When I know that they are not going to abandon the relationship at the first signs of trouble.

    To me that is part of what I consider to be romance. But everyone has their own definition of what "romance" is to them.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    The phrase platonic love was inspired by the Athenian philosophers Plato and Socrates. In The Symposium Socrates had created an idea of a 'love ladder', with the steps laying out as: love of a beautiful body, love for all beautiful bodies, love for the beauty of laws, love for the beauty of knowledge, and the love of Beauty itself. Once Christianity was introduced the original ideals of The Symposium took a Christian outlook with Italian Philosophizer Marsilio Ficin defining 'beauty itself' as a deity. Socrates, however, wrote The Symposium with other men in mind so Ficin (in order to write away homosexuality) described this as common companionship and the idea that having a man as a companion was a better (and purer) way of reaching God. As the idea of platonic love circled around Europe, the top of the ladder became women, completely losing sight of Ficin's original religious intent in its introduction. Platonic used to mean loving someone for everything they are as opposed to simply their body, but eventually 'spiritual' simply began meaning 'not physical' and the powerful meaning of the word lost it's place to romantic as Roman and French ideals replaced the Greek ones and courtship became an important and exciting aspect of relationships.

    Platonic relationship is now used as a blanket term for someone you're not in a sexual relationship with even if you desire to be. They're simply labels.

    I would say romantic would imply a desire to court (and celebrate) through flowers, dates, chocolate, anniversaries, weddings, etc. It doesn't necessarily equate to long-term nor sincere feelings. Many romantic people are promiscuous (think casanovas like James Bond or Eames from Inception) and are romantic simply because they enjoy the thrill of dating and seducing via chivalrous means. It is of course also possible for someone to be romantic in a long term monogamous relationship. Many social scientists have noted that there is friction between romance and intimacy, two sides arguing that they are either a) incompatible or b) coexisting.
    Ballerina, Choice and knittigan thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Interesting question!

    I've experienced platonic love for friends before. It's kindof like how you might love your family: you want to help them on with their lives and be there to support them. You care about them deeply, but it's not something to build a relationship off of. I also have found out that this kind of care for someone (for me at least) does not end, I can still care about someone a long time later and after being through a lot.

    I've never been in "romantic love" so I have no idea what its like. I presume it's more balanced and supportive and there's more growth.

    In platonic love you love and care about the other person the way they are. Perhaps in romantic love you love the other person for who they are and also because they support and encourage growth in your own life as well.
    Ballerina and Dan E thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    For me platonic love is a possessive and protective feeling towards a person you have no desire to attempt a more substantial/physical relationship with. I want to take care of, protect, help, and interact, with these people nothing more... And I am happy for them when they meet someone they want a romantic relationship with...

    Romantic love for me is; a person who I want to understand completely, who I feel like I could listen to them talking about nonsense and be completely intrigued by it/them... Someone I don't want to see find anyone else romantically (Poly relationships are cool but not for me). I want to be more physically affectionate towards these people (In private, no PDA). Also if a platonic friend is behaving badly or no longer wants to be friends I will be ok with that and let them go, but romantically I will fight to keep someone, if I really want them to be mine I will do just about anything to keep them happy and wanting to stay... I will also make a list of their “flaws”, and then figure out how those things can be positive (within reason), or how they are balanced out by me... In a romantic relationship I also go above and beyond what I think their need is, when a platonic friend needs something I will willingly help to the best of my ability when asked, but my romantic partner will seldom have to ask and if they do I will feel bad for not noticing and try to make it up to them somehow… So platonic is someone I don’t hate being around and romantic is someone I will actively try to keep around, I guess… :)

    Of course as everyone has said this is all very subjective and what I have described may not make sense to other but it’s my personally feeling… Also I am not a casual dating type, I have one or two dates without someone and then decide whether or not I feel we are compatible in a long term capacity, and then either move them to the friend zone (if I like there company but not like “that”) or don’t see them anymore (to date I haven’t found anyone I feel I could make a real go of it with).
    Ballerina thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Just google it!!! Why does the whole world want US to solve all their problems.......*shrugs* :D
    Ballerina thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I realize that I'm not of the INTJ temperment, but a good read on the types of loves is by C.S. Lewis, called the 4 Loves. It's based on the 4 greek words for love, which we call, affection (storge) , friendship (philia), romantic (eros), and unconditional (agape).
    Cool Breeze, Isis and Ballerina thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    You could read CS Lewis's book The Four Loves, which explains affection, friendship, romantic/sexual love and agape love.... or you could look at the historical material that describe the origins of platonic and romantic love or you ... The Allegory of Love actually explains this fairly well...
    Cool Breeze and Ballerina thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    It wouldn't hurt to also consider this interpretation by his cousin, Huey Lewis:

    Isis and Ballerina thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown Personality

    Platonic love has changed its meaning over time. The most common modern interpretation for the Phrase of late is how parents feel for there children (I am not talking about the exceptions). It also is interpreted in the way family members view and feel for each other as well as close friends view and feel for each other (friends you are not in sexual relationship with).
    Each has a different definition for romantic love so I can give you my definition: The desire for sexual intimacy and procreation (I know in the end it sounds like there is nothing romantic about it)
    Ballerina thanked this post.


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