Could you please offer speculation on the state of this INTJ (and possibly this relationship)?
INTJ in long-term, committed relationship is PASSIVE in regards to intimacy and neglectful of this partner's need for it.
*extremely passive and clumsy (seemingly inexperienced) sexually. Has had the opportunity to have sex for a couple decades.
*generally passionless when kissing, often keeping eyes open and looking away from partner
*often pushes partner away or withdraws from hugs to do something else
*does not initiate sex
*INTJ extremely infrequent in agreeing to sex resulting in a nearly “sexless marriage.” Knows and has used every excuse possible to reject partner over a period of 8 years despite partner's expressed concerns and at times extreme sexual frustration
*partner has periodically expressed concern over a period of 7 years (when patterns were first recognized) with no improvement. INTJ verbally commits to “try harder” but quickly falls back into old patterns.
*INTJ recently admitted that he is a bad lover and yet shows no improvement despite ready instruction in form of partner's example and sex instruction books he has read
*passive in regards to cuddling and intimacy. If partner cuddles in the night, INTJ does not reciprocate and may even complain in little ways despite noting and being pleased with the partner's attempt the following day. Attitude while in the act is one of toleration.
*Conversation has deteriorated to shallow subjects such as work, work all the time, seemingly nothing but work.
*wants partner as a sounding board for whatever is frustrating him at the time, usually work or his dislike of people in general and his frustration over their idiocy
*expects partner to “drop everything” to listen to work complaints and frustrations, but no longer seems interested in inquiring after partner's state of being
*often makes decisions (particularly financial) that affect his entire family without consulting or informing his partner
*often wishes partner to stay around the house, but then uses the time they could spend together to do something on his own
*partner's impression is that his life could easily run on very rigid scheduling and as long as partner is a cog in the machine that keeps turning then, in his mind, all is well
*has expressed anger/frustration/displeasure when asked to compromise for solutions that will benefit all parties when he has predetermined his own plans
*is often critical of partner's natural enthusiasm, seemingly wanting partner to fit into a neat role that is not too loud, not too excited, not too emotional, not too inquisitive, and not too dramatic
*when asked, expressed desire for partner to stay in the relationship and that he loves partner. Says partner is his “One” person. Says he is content and happy with present circumstances.
*is known to conceal, evade the truth.
I would like to know if this is a desired relational outcome for INTJs in general. What would it mean if your behavior was like the preceeding? What would you speculate is going on with this INTJ? Any advice for the partner in this scenario?