My first post.
Long story short, I have known my boss for 6 years and he has become my mentor and father figure. He seems to be a fairly typical INTJ - very private and aloof. We definitely have a special connection. I have even told him that I see him as my father and he was actually very happy to hear that. It has been a struggle to build this relationship because I felt that I'm the one who has spent the most effort. He's a person who enjoys fostering the growth (mostly career-wise) of younger people probably because he doesn't have kids. It all started out with him investing a bit on my growth. I was very responsive to it and immediately felt that a bond has formed between us so I tried to learn more about him. But whenever I ask a somewhat personal question, he felts uncomfortable and pushed me away (not physically but you know what I mean). I got confused. You invested on me emotionally yet you didn't want me to get too close? I didn't give up. For the last 6 years, I kept poking him for me and he kept pushing back (although less and less). Now he seems much more comfortable with my personal question. He admitted that he's not a hugger (he said he has only hugged his gf and mom), and one time I surprised him with a hug, and he actually had a big smile on his face (although he was trying to hide it from me).
My question for you is, how to I get closer to him? He doesn't like to talk about himself. He invited me over for dinner last September and it hasn't happened yet. Sometimes I felt really discouraged because it feels so one-way but his very subtle way of showing his affection kept me going.
Thanks for listening!