[rowerrunner]

This is my first post on here, and I've been wondering this question for a while: Does your family understand you? Like, your sense of humor, or your thought process, or anything else that defines you as a person?

I'll start out by saying that I am a teenage, female INTJ. My family of 4 is made up of all introverts (I don't know their exact types. I think my dad is an ISTP.), so I'm lucky that they understand my need for 'alone' or 'quiet' time, which I've required ever since I was a small child. They do sometimes ask why I'm being a hermit, though. In all, my family DOES understand me a good bit, but not completely. I don't think they understand my sense of humor (typical INTJ humor; sarcastic, very morbid, wordplay), since sometimes after I make what I think of as a joke, or if not a joke just say something that I would consider witty, there is an awkward silence. Or we'll be having a discussion and I'll suggest some hypothetical scenario in which whatever we're talking about could be achieved, and this hypothetical scenario will be really stupid (and I know it), and I'm just saying it for the heck of it. It'll be the kind of thing where I would never actually do that in real life, but it's not really a joke in that no one (including me) considers it funny. I'm just not being serious and I expect my own family to know that. And then I feel like an idiot when they tell me all that's wrong with said stupid scenario, even though I knew perfectly well what was wrong with it when I said it.
So, there will just be these little things that my family doesn't understand about me, and I was wondering if fellow INTJs have similar experiences.

Does your family understand you? If not, why?

[Fallen Nocturne]

First of all, welcome to the forum. I've only been here for just over a month and I can tell you it's all very nice.

Anyway... the topic. Different members of my family understand me to varying degrees so a blanket statement here would be kinda inappropriate. My older brother (an ENFP) gets my personality and thought processes and really understands my sarcastic sense of humour. I get on really well with my cousin, who is practically a female version of me. I have the same experience as you with my parents, it appears. They (my dad moreso than my mum, who's gotten used to me to a degree) take my sarcastic wit far too seriously or just outright don't get it.

I tend to keep abstract and ridiculous ideas to my own amusement now, as they'll just misinterpret my intentions or not get the key idea I'm trying to get across under all the strangeness. This may or may not be relevant, but they're both S types! My mum is somewhat more conservative than I am, so I tend to argue with her often and she will just overlook my main point to pick at some superficial details. I don't really feel that my parents understand me that much at all.

[hydrogen]

I was angry and wrote something about an hour ago about the relationship between me and my ESTJ twin sister. Originally, I did post it here, but then I realised that I'll probably look back on it and regret it so...
In summary: I guess neither of us really fully understand or tolerate eachother - as is to be expected when we've known eachother all our lives, I guess. We've got to get fed up of eachother eventually! But yeah, we share different sort of mindsets - I crave to develop myself as an individual and to be independent; she appears to prefer to fit in with society. As a result, most of the time when I'm around her I feel as though my personality has to be supressed in order to fit in with what she considers normal - and I can't share with her my interests because apparently they're all 'pointless', 'embarrassing', 'boring'...
My parents are different. They just kind of let me be.

[Mountainshepherd]

No they do not, for the most part.

Why? allegory of the cave.

[sorry_neither]

My mom (ISTJ) and sister (ESFJ) pretty much get me these days. I've always been unconventional/odd, and at first my mom tended to condescend and act like I'd grow out of whatever weird notions I had, while my sister and I were constantly at war. Now that I'm almost twenty-three and still odd, they've finally seemed to accept that this is just the way I am. There are still times when they don't "get" it, but they always accept it.

All three of us share the same inappropriate and warped sense of humor. I have a lot of really interesting conversations with my mom, though there are some communication barriers that seem insurmountable (she's told me that sometimes I make leaps she can't follow, and sometimes I get super frustrated with the direction some conversations take). She's very perceptive about people, and has me (and my sister) pretty much pegged. My sister seems to think I'm the funniest person on the planet. She also usually knows how I'll react to something, and has fun with that.

The extended family, on the other hand...they mean well, but they're completely clueless. I find I have less and less to say to them over the years. Oh well, they get on my mom's nerves, too, so at least we get to vent about their nuttiness together.

[L'Empereur]

Nope, not at all.

[RedX]

My father understands me to the T, but this is likely because I take after him to such a strong degree that people refer to me as a carbon copy of him (not true, flattering for the comparison, insulting that my family thinks I'm not really my own person). We get along great and usually know what the other is thinking, so conversations begin with "Hi, we need to talk", with vague words that don't really mean anything and end in us thinking about the best way to wrap things up in a conclusion that we both agree with (if it sounds awkward to you, it's because it is awkward, but it's something we're used to). There's very little actual dialogue and we try to keep it short.

My mother is heavy on the feeler side and needs constant affirmation. This means to show I love and respect her, I go to religious gatherings that I don't believe in and kind of die a little inside everytime I commit a hypocritical act like getting on my knees and doing a Buddhist chant/prayer. It's fine to a degree, but a lot of it is tedious and grates on me over time. She's the type of person who calls 4X times a day knowing I hate phone calls. She is completely lacking in understanding of me, but I can accept that simply because she has a good heart and is trying.

My sisters and I are arguably all three points on the same equilateral triangle. We are different and similar in various ways. They've always thought I was a freak, and I've always found them strange and somewhat shallow. But we get along fine. They point out my social shortcomings, and I explain how to optimize their lives. Everyone wins! Sort of.

[Green Girl]

Since I don't understand myself, I can hardly expect my family to.

However, they seem to like having me around, so perhaps we'll all figure it out eventually.

[crferguson]

.

[crferguson]

My ENFJ brother seems to understands me the most, and sometimes I think he is the smartest one in the family. I'm glad I have an ENFJ brother. My ESFJ mom understands me in some ways more than my brother and dad. There are some things which my dad will never comprehend. It is just a family thing... no big deal

I do feel like I get them more than they get me; but I may be mistaken ;P