[INTJ] Please help me analyse this INTJ? - Page 2

Please help me analyse this INTJ?

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This is a discussion on Please help me analyse this INTJ? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; So he confesses his feelings towards you, you tell him to give you time to think about, fast forward a ...

  1. #11

    So he confesses his feelings towards you, you tell him to give you time to think about, fast forward a undetermined time and you get into an argument where you probably told him a lot of things that were hurtful, after some time you come back and apologize for what you said to which he gave you a choice, to be with him or not....... and you called that insincere?

    Are you like.... really stupid?

    Seeing from his perspective, he worked up his courage to tell you his feelings (btw this is a incredibly hard thing to do because of INTJ's nature) you told him to wait, not only is this stressful, but whenever he meets you, he'll be tense about what he told you. Afterwards over something that's probably trivial you rage and spite him for the things he did, not only is this hurtful because YOU'RE ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT UNDERSTANDS HIM, but because it's coming from the person he loves. Could you now understand his attitude that's just tired of being in a emotional roller coaster?

    Sheesh can't people see from other people's views.
    BlaxXxDiamond and Dare thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by paradoxinc View Post
    We got into a huge argument not long after, and it slowly accelerated into me raging at him about what I disliked about him.
    I think this sentence highlights the problem. Outside of the MBTI, this sort of behavior indicates that you don't extend respect to him. I don't really understand why you would want to be with someone if they inspire this rage? I mean, you didn't even begin a romantic relationship with him yet this happened. I don't think there is room for personal attacks in a relationship.

    Getting back to the question at hand, though, I would think your INTJ probably sees you as an impractical choice as a serious partner. He might still find you very attractive, and I suppose anything is possible, but it seems that it would be an unwise choice for both of you to be together in a romantic relationship. The idea that he's still willing to enter into a relationship with you means he really finds you special and he can actually see a future with you. Give him your answer as quickly as you are able. Men, regardless of type, want to be with women when they make their lives easier not harder.

    Regardless of what happens in this relationship, use this as a learning experience. Evaluate how things escalated to such a caustic level. Identify what happened inside of yourself that caused you to lose your head in this case and how you can better control those feelings in the future. This is a really great time to evaluate and a time for self improvement.

    Hope this helps

  3. #13

    i agree that 'insincere' would be the wrong word. to me it looks like the right one would be 'intimidating', so that's kind of more about you ;-)

    i don't blame you for being intimidated, i guess. but i think in his shoes i'd be the same way myself. he sounds like he's gone into 'just the facts' mode, and if he's like me then it's probably happening because by his lights he IS being sincere. he doesn't know what or how he is goign to feel until he hears what you're going to decide. so he shows nothing, because only 'nothing' is what is true at this time. and i know that the more stressed i get, the more the truth matters - both getting it and giving it out.

    that's just a guess, but it's the way i see it.
    EyesOpen, RexMaximus, BlaxXxDiamond and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #14
    Unknown

    Agreed also that he is being honest and sincere. Where once he felt sure (his chances with you after very much and careful consideration based on input data from your actions) you have left him feeling unsure, led on in a way intentional or not, so he is willing to give you one chance to see if you are worth pursuing a relationship with.

    He was on your side of the fence, now he's retreating back to his side and wondering if he should go back over to play with you.
    RexMaximus and Epictetus thanked this post.

  5. #15

    I've already commented on this, but after having posted in the ‘Tell INTJs you love them thread’ earlier today, something occurred to me that I thought might be helpful sharing - not just to the OP but to any INTJ currently in, or considering entering into, a relationship with an Fe user.

    INTjs often get frustrated with (or in some cases, hate) Fe users for not expressing their 'honest' opinions and feelings. Clearly, if an Fe user states that they like something when they actually dislike that thing, this is clear dishonesty. But in the case where an Fe user is ‘unsure’, they will be highly influenced by other people’s opinions and feelings, because their Fe will want to be receptive to the feelings of others, including where this relates to a prospective partner. The strength of that prospective partner’s feelings towards them then is likely to influence the Fe user’s own feelings, and ultimately decision about whether to enter into that relationship. Conversely, if the behaviour of the person expressing interest contradicts the Fe users understanding of what ‘interest’ should look like, then the Fe users own feelings may diminish.

    With regards to the OP, I can see how the INTJ’s recent words do not seem like the words of someone who is ‘in love’. So the OP is questioning whether the INTJ genuinely (sincerely) likes her, or whether (she wonders) he is (insincere), just desperate for a relationship, and is therefore just settling for her. She cannot just say one way or the other whether she likes the INTJ back, because she is unsure of the sincerity of his feelings for her, and she doesn’t want to go out with someone who is insincere (and just 'settling' for her).

    To be clear, I’m not saying that an Fe user will love anyone who expresses very strong love for them, I am just saying that where an Fe user is unsure, their own feelings are likely to be influenced by the strength of feelings and confidence of the person who has expressed love. Of course, there is also a danger of coming over across 'too strong'! But I never said it was simple, heh
    user87 and Epictetus thanked this post.

  6. #16

    Oh INFJs, so focused on everyone elses games...
    Forget that the biggest game around is their own.

    INTJ and INFJ is not really all that compatible anyway.
    His coldness is cold, because you want him to be warm where you are warm.
    Yet you are cold where he wants warmth.
    Add to that the tendency to wait for the other party to make a move of both parties
    and you have a recipie for a waiting game or a tragic cold ending from either parties.
    user87, Lovely Agony, Clumsy and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #17

    I'd agree with others have said.

    I'm also curious as to why you got into a fight.

    I'd say he knows his feelings (liking you) but now doesn't want to get hurt, so isn't bullshiting and doesn't want to get more vulnerable with you than he already has, in case you do hurt him.
    EyesOpen, Clumsy, BlaxXxDiamond and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #18
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by brightflashes View Post
    I think this sentence highlights the problem. Outside of the MBTI, this sort of behavior indicates that you don't extend respect to him. I don't really understand why you would want to be with someone if they inspire this rage? I mean, you didn't even begin a romantic relationship with him yet this happened. I don't think there is room for personal attacks in a relationship.

    Getting back to the question at hand, though, I would think your INTJ probably sees you as an impractical choice as a serious partner. He might still find you very attractive, and I suppose anything is possible, but it seems that it would be an unwise choice for both of you to be together in a romantic relationship. The idea that he's still willing to enter into a relationship with you means he really finds you special and he can actually see a future with you. Give him your answer as quickly as you are able. Men, regardless of type, want to be with women when they make their lives easier not harder.

    Regardless of what happens in this relationship, use this as a learning experience. Evaluate how things escalated to such a caustic level. Identify what happened inside of yourself that caused you to lose your head in this case and how you can better control those feelings in the future. This is a really great time to evaluate and a time for self improvement.

    Hope this helps
    *****THIS IS A SYSTEM GENERATED ALERT FROM INTJ CENTRAL COMMAND*****

    We have a situation 221-B, Possibly unauthorized person(s) in possession of significant INTJ architectural components [concerning relationships and dating].

    All macrophage units report to this thread for possible activation. Take no action without authorization from INTJ Central Command: subject is an INFP, known to possess significant anti-armor and healing properties.
    *****END OF TRANSMISSION*****

    .
    .
    .
    Seriously, well *done*.
    brightflashes and RexMaximus thanked this post.

  9. #19
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Clumsy View Post
    I've already commented on this, but after having posted in the ‘Tell INTJs you love them thread’ earlier today, something occurred to me that I thought might be helpful sharing - not just to the OP but to any INTJ currently in, or considering entering into, a relationship with an Fe user.

    INTjs often get frustrated with (or in some cases, hate) Fe users for not expressing their 'honest' opinions and feelings. Clearly, if an Fe user states that they like something when they actually dislike that thing, this is clear dishonesty. But in the case where an Fe user is ‘unsure’, they will be highly influenced by other people’s opinions and feelings, because their Fe will want to be receptive to the feelings of others, including where this relates to a prospective partner. The strength of that prospective partner’s feelings towards them then is likely to influence the Fe user’s own feelings, and ultimately decision about whether to enter into that relationship. Conversely, if the behaviour of the person expressing interest contradicts the Fe users understanding of what ‘interest’ should look like, then the Fe users own feelings may diminish.

    With regards to the OP, I can see how the INTJ’s recent words do not seem like the words of someone who is ‘in love’. So the OP is questioning whether the INTJ genuinely (sincerely) likes her, or whether (she wonders) he is (insincere), just desperate for a relationship, and is therefore just settling for her. She cannot just say one way or the other whether she likes the INTJ back, because she is unsure of the sincerity of his feelings for her, and she doesn’t want to go out with someone who is insincere (and just 'settling' for her).

    To be clear, I’m not saying that an Fe user will love anyone who expresses very strong love for them, I am just saying that where an Fe user is unsure, their own feelings are likely to be influenced by the strength of feelings and confidence of the person who has expressed love. Of course, there is also a danger of coming over across 'too strong'! But I never said it was simple, heh
    As they said in the Narnia book The Silver Chair, "Hast hit it, Friend Wiggle." Fe and Fi often misinterpret one another to the point of reading the exact opposite of the "obvious" intent. Farce ensues.
    Clumsy thanked this post.

  10. #20

    I am not sure you have provided enough information to actually analyze his behavior. I don't judge anybody - I will just try to provide some insight into what may be going on in his head.

    Quote Originally Posted by paradoxinc View Post
    We got into a huge argument not long after, and it slowly accelerated into me raging at him about what I disliked about him. (He can be pretty jerky sometimes.)
    Objective criticism shouldn't be a problem for an INTJ. So probably you said something he doesn't agree with. "prety jerky" seems vague and if you said it like that, it may be interpreted as you not knowing what you really want.

    I imagine from his point of view you may be acting more based on feelings than on thinking. This is very repulsive for an INTJ. This may be the reason why he is acting cold (natural reaction for coping with too much emotions coming from you).

    Finally, for an INTJ, interacting with somebody who has trouble making decisions can be really frustrating and I suppose that's why he gave you a deadline.


     
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