[INTJ] Do you have difficulty admitting your errors?

Do you have difficulty admitting your errors?

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This is a discussion on Do you have difficulty admitting your errors? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hello INTJs! As much as I love you guys; i have a few questions. A very good friend of mine, ...

  1. #1

    Do you have difficulty admitting your errors?

    Hello INTJs!

    As much as I love you guys; i have a few questions. A very good friend of mine, who is an intj, seems to have difficulty with admitting mistakes. I mean, I dont know if she feels like shes wrong, maybe she just doesnt. But anywho; We often end up in like small stupid "discussions" where one of us have misunderstood the other. And I do a lot of mistakes. I read things way too fast, I dont keep up, blah blah blah. But there are certainly moments where she has misunderstood me, and I try to explain, and she just goes on and on. Like she wont stop until I either ignore the discussion (these will usually happen while we talk about something else, so i just dont answer to the topic and continue on the other), og just "admit defeat". I'm sorry I cant give much context. I'm trying to be a little anonymous :D But yeah, I'm just wondering if this is a "typical" intj trait.

    And this isnt really an issue in our relationship. It doesnt ruin anything. I love her to bits, lol. Its just a little annoying to be the one who always "cave in".

  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Do you have difficulty admitting your errors?
    to others maybe, although internally i am acutely aware of any mistakes i have made

  3. #3

    As long as people correct me in a logical and comprehensible manner, i could admit to any fault of mine with ease.
    mOchO, ninjahitsawall, EyesOpen and 4 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    The only time I have difficulty admitting I was wrong is if I'm not personally convinced of the validity of the opposing argument. I'm still mentally "scanning" for inaccuracies.

    If the counterpoint is sound, I have no issues admitting I was wrong. In fact, I'm usually impressed or in good spirits about it because it, at the very least, introduced me to a new angle/perspective/concept/whatever that I will consider when forming future arguments of my own.
    mOchO, EyesOpen, birdsintrees and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    mOchO thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Wait, let me expand on that. I don't have difficulty recognizing when I'm wrong and acting accordingly. But I would not naturally say anything like "I was wrong."

    If I say something that's wrong, and someone corrects me, I'll say something brief and off-hand like "oh, ok" or "you're right." If we've had a long discussion, I'll probably be a bit more expressive: "Oh, now I see what you meant." On a forum, I may not say anything to avoid adding a mostly content-free post unless someone explicitly asks about my agreement.

    The word "admit" in this context has a certain negative connotation (not that I assume this connotation applies to your post). When people ask others to "admit" to being wrong, particularly, to state it explicitly, above and beyond simple acknowledgement of being wrong, I generally suspect them of being overly focused on the wrong thing—some kind of competition or hierarchy game, perhaps an attempt to elicit shame—rather than simply sharing correct information (the proper focus). I can't think of a single legitimate reason to go on and on about someone's being wrong. I avoid and strongly dislike such people, and I never admit anything in this explicit sense.
    lilysocks, ninjahitsawall, EyesOpen and 3 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    No. Heres different scenarios and my reaction to them.
    1) Not convinced. I find that my stand is still valid and standing. When discussing, if you want your point to be really convincing, you got to "win" the conversation. The better your point is, the more sense you make. Then maybe I'll agree with you or come to a truce.
    2) Convinced but theres no need to admit. In other words, I know that I made a mistake, buttt theres not really a need to admit it, knowing is enough.
    3) Convinced and admitting. Cool. But this is more likely to happen if theres a very high level of trust, its fine since Id be more open then.
    I always find myself at 1. So if you really wanna convince, you gotta address all my reasons, dissect and take them out one by one, just eliminate all my arguments or any points standing with better reasons and give your perspective. Problem is itd get very detailed and soon both would lose track. So its best to write down all points on a paper and address them on it. But again that would take up alot of time, thus its just better to do it through conversation.

  8. #8

    Not to be one of "those guys" but that sounds like xNTP to me, they really protect their opinion to the death
    mOchO and Therese C thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    You've received several literal replies, permit me to take a different approach.

    The 'one is always right/the other is always wrong' pattern is a rather common dynamic in a pairing, and it occurs as a dance. One person starts off the relationship being adamantly right (sometimes quite pleasantly so) and the other begins the relationship as the one more likely to cave. This dance can continue to the point that it becomes routine and unconscious.

    I've had this type of dynamic with my best friend (ISFJ) where I was the 'always right', and I've had this with my spouse (ISTJ) where I was the one who caves. What I'm suggesting is that the dynamic is more a factor of how each person plays off the other, rather than being a factor of Myers Briggs. FWIW, I've been able to grow and mature both of these relationships into healthier balances.

    It's possible for an INTJ to completely fail to notice this dynamic in a relationship. I'd think that a healthy INTJ would be willing to work towards evolving the relationship, if the partner gently opened the INTJ's eyes to it and shared that it wasn't satisfactory to the partner.
    lilysocks, EyesOpen, birdsintrees and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by amazed View Post
    But there are certainly moments where she has misunderstood me, and I try to explain, and she just goes on and on.
    okay, i'm confused. her going on and on about you being wrong [according to her] is a separate thing, isn't it? so i'm not sure which thing you're asking about.

    actually, it seems like what you're really asking about is situations where there's been miscommunication but she 'wins' because she's apparently uninterested in even talking about where the wires might have got crossed. so i'll just address that and say no, that isn't my style afaik.

    but there's a caveat. this. idk if this is what's actually happening between you and your friend, but the sad thing is, when things do get like that, both people lose.
    mOchO, EyesOpen, stathamspeacoat and 1 others thanked this post.

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