[INTJ] Have you ever (correctly) had a gut-feeling to dislike someone who, on the surface, w - Page 2

Have you ever (correctly) had a gut-feeling to dislike someone who, on the surface, w

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This is a discussion on Have you ever (correctly) had a gut-feeling to dislike someone who, on the surface, w within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Absolutely, and I was right...they ended up being nuts. Thank you, Ni!...

  1. #11

    Absolutely, and I was right...they ended up being nuts.

    Thank you, Ni!
    ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by Koconnor3 View Post
    Sorry No.
    Reading people from just first impression I can not do.
    I need more information, and a little back and forth. However, you give me a couple of sentences and I am pretty good at summing it up.
    I have heard of this premonition, ability. I do wonder, how much of this self claimed ability effects the further relationship? When you have preconceived notions, how much of you being right is a self profiling prophecy? What could the other person do, if you have already put them in their box? They would have to perform above and beyond for you to reconsider your initial gut instinct opinion?
    I don't mean to be confrontational, just asking to further the conversation.
    I've wondered this too.
    Though I also think the impressions are based on actual information in the first place, but since impressions are somewhat subconscious it seems baseless. The expectation of what the other person would have to do to change your mind is more to balance out the cons about them you've already picked up on.

    As an example, I sometimes pick up a tone or something someone said, that seemed "off" but I can't pinpoint what it is. So it becomes "something about this person seems off" before I can specifically recall "that weird thing they said" which gave the impression. (That is also what makes interactions overwhelming -- almost like everything happens too quickly to process).

    I've also thought that my first impressions were wrong, and then realized later on that there was something to them... usually that comes in the form of having labeled someone in a way that's not entirely accurate, but there was still something "off" about them in a similar way.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by Koconnor3 View Post
    Sorry No.
    Reading people from just first impression I can not do.
    it isn't about reading people, for me. it's not like the mistrust comes as a side-effect of me 'knowing' anything concrete about them. i might not know who they are. and looking back, i realise most of the time i wasn't even interested in 'reading' them in that kind of way at the time. i just know that something doesn't match up. it's the discontinuity that gives the un-ease.

    that's what i classify as a 'gut' feeling - the sensation of receiving signals from more than one layer at the same time. when someone is just overtly, visibly not to be trusted i don't call that gut because i don't need my gut to tell me that one. my regular senses will do that for me.

    They would have to perform above and beyond for you to reconsider your initial gut instinct opinion?
    no, you can't undo a 'wrong' by piling 'right' over it. what i need is an explanation. again, it's the dissonance that makes my hair try to stand up. a person can operate on two layers at once, and it might not necessarily bother me anymore when/if i ever find out what the second layer's about. but when/if i do find it out, i absolutely need for the explanation to hang together with whatever little evidence-flicker i saw. if it does that i can usually dismiss the whole 'red alert' state completely.

    Quote Originally Posted by ninjahitsawall
    Though I also think the impressions are based on actual information in the first place


    ime this has always been true. i can't leave something like that alone once it's tripped my alert, so every one of them has to be traced. and i don't think there's ever been a time when i couldn't find the trigger event, eventually. even if i decided my reaction had been silly once i had tracked the cause down, there always has been a cause behind every effect.
    Therese C, ninjahitsawall and baitedcrow thanked this post.

  4. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I grew up with a pedophile as a family acquaintance, someone in our church. Somehow I did not like him or trust him at all, and neither did my parents. My parents had experience with a pedophile in a different city before I was born so they had very strict rules about not going anywhere without them, which I am so thankful for. I escaped abuse but other girls, my friends, did not.

    Basically, these are people who try to be as normal as possible, but underneath they are very messed up. I am very sure we could tell something was off about him, but not consciously. Not until the year or so before he was caught - he got very courageous. After it came out, all the slightly off things he said came back to mind.

    So yeah, trust your intuition - it can tell you when some details just don't seem right, suggesting that the whole picture is wrong.

    A Pediatrician Just Laid Out How to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse—And She's Begging You to Listen
    WickerDeer, Therese C, ninjahitsawall and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by lilysocks View Post
    ime this has always been true. i can't leave something like that alone once it's tripped my alert, so every one of them has to be traced. and i don't think there's ever been a time when i couldn't find the trigger event, eventually. even if i decided my reaction had been silly once i had tracked the cause down, there always has been a cause behind every effect. [/COLOR]
    When I think about it, I've actually been worse off dismissing any suspicions as 'irrational' or just somehow unwarranted because there wasn't an overt explanation. When really I could have reflected on it more and maybe found some explanation for the red flag before dismissing it. In some contexts it became a habit though, because I just assumed I was socially inept and not to trust any social 'instinct' I may have... so it's only somewhat recently I even became aware of being overly dismissive. It's funny, because I think the opposite mistake is pretty typical (trusting first impressions/gut feelings too much). Whereas I'm trying to remember to listen to mine.
    lilysocks, Therese C, Maddened and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by ninjahitsawall View Post
    When I think about it, I've actually been worse off dismissing any suspicions as 'irrational' or just somehow unwarranted because there wasn't an overt explanation. When really I could have reflected on it more and maybe found some explanation for the red flag before dismissing it. In some contexts it became a habit though, because I just assumed I was socially inept and not to trust any social 'instinct' I may have... so it's only somewhat recently I even became aware of being overly dismissive. It's funny, because I think the opposite mistake is pretty typical (trusting first impressions/gut feelings too much). Whereas I'm trying to remember to listen to mine.
    This.

    And personally, yes I've gone with my intuition/gut feeling about people and have correct way too often. There are really only handful of times I have been wrong and once or twice it has proven costly to me.

    My issue is more that people almost never believe me when I say someone is like this or like that. I know most of the times I will be right but I get the "give people a chance" spiel. I've learnt to just never share my insights anymore.
    luemb and ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  7. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Maddened View Post
    This.

    And personally, yes I've gone with my intuition/gut feeling about people and have correct way too often. There are really only handful of times I have been wrong and once or twice it has proven costly to me.

    My issue is more that people almost never believe me when I say someone is like this or like that. I know most of the times I will be right but I get the "give people a chance" spiel. I've learnt to just never share my insights anymore.
    Lol I have a friend who kept asking me for opinions of people she was dating. Really she only ever asked if she was suspicious herself to begin with...and she thought I was "objective". But if I said anything negative or to confirm her suspicions she would disregard it. One time she said I was being too judgmental considering it's someone I never met (but based on the stories she was telling me about him), because she wanted me to meet a bf and I was like "I don't think we'd really get along... we're very different people and he sounds overwhelming" (fwiw, ENTP I think). Then after I met him she apologized because..well I guess she saw we had zilch in common. Also, he told her I'm boring. :P Example of my impression being correct haha. Anyway she hasn't asked in awhile...

  8. #18
    INTJ - The Scientists

    yes but nothing interesting just the type that seems like they are trying to be nice for some hidden personal gain that turned out to be very creepy/stalker type. (not to me but friends)

    I do however know someone that triggers a gut feeling of dislike but I have no proof that I am correct. He seems kind and very experienced with people but theres something about him that gives off an almost overwhelming sense of aggression. If I had to try to describe it I would say he feels like a police officer that thinks you are guilty and is playing good cop. I know i'm not the only one that picks up on it either because I can see the fear in other peoples eyes. I've known him for 10 years now and no signs that i'm right but I can't shake it there is something wrong.
    luemb and ninjahitsawall thanked this post.

  9. #19

    Quote Originally Posted by rezo View Post
    yes but nothing interesting just the type that seems like they are trying to be nice for some hidden personal gain that turned out to be very creepy/stalker type. (not to me but friends)

    I do however know someone that triggers a gut feeling of dislike but I have no proof that I am correct. He seems kind and very experienced with people but theres something about him that gives off an almost overwhelming sense of aggression. If I had to try to describe it I would say he feels like a police officer that thinks you are guilty and is playing good cop. I know i'm not the only one that picks up on it either because I can see the fear in other peoples eyes. I've known him for 10 years now and no signs that i'm right but I can't shake it there is something wrong.
    I experience something similar, I think it's with Fe users (undeveloped Fe, though Fe doms often seem overwhelming to me too....some exceptions on PerC though). It's just a chemistry issue I have, where their niceness seems kind of imposing and it's like if you aren't feeling the same way they fault you for it (sometimes in passive-aggressive ways, depending on how immature they are). It's as if your less-than-optimal mood is negatively affecting the atmosphere/disturbing the peace, so you need to change that or leave. Obviously this is how I pick up on it, and probably not intentional on their part.
    RexMaximus thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Yes and it is quite reliable. I have almost always had the ability to read people. However, I am also one of the first people to toot the "give them a chance" horn. I trust my gut instincts for almost all situations. When I first meet a person if I get a false or negative impression, i will not form relationship or bonds at all.

    My Junior year of High School, for cross country season, I was forced to car pool with another student because I lived 30 minutes away from the school. Both the other student and his family gave me the heebie jeebies. Turns out they abruptly told me i was unwelcome after i questioned their religion ONCE.

    Recently I was in a car accident that has me going in for chiropractic, rehab, and massage. In the rehab center I only like one of the specialists because she actually wants to be there and she is fun to work with. The other two act like they could care less and that really bothers me. Then in the massage area, there is one masseuse that I had and I knew upon meeting her that I would dislike the experience. This was not my first massage for rehab, and I have two masseuses that I regularly go to depending on where I am. She started by asking about where my pain was and its nature, I almost wanted to respond with well my file is right there, why don't you look. She treated me like I have never had a massage and like I did not understand ANYTHING of her art.

    On the flip side, There have been plenty of people who I have introduced to my group of friends, who were not accepted at first, but after everybody got to know them were integrated in. I actually hold a position in my group that unless most of the group likes you, or you are a temporary fixture for a game of magic, unless I like them, they are not welcome. And people who I do not trust, do not return.

    My instincts are Rarely wrong, and I have learned that it is best to trust them.


     
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