[Mountain Climber]

My sister and I have a running argument. Does child abuse and/or spanking make a child more intelligent? My idea of punishment with my teenage youngsters is to stick out my hand and demand, "cell phone!" or "car keys"

[grmpf]

It probably does make them more sneaky...

[SocioApathetic]

I'm sorry...I don't believe I've understood the exact nature of the question. "intelligent"? Do you mean, does it make it certain that they won't repeat the same mistake or does it literally higher their IQ to spank them? Honestly, the only thing I can think of when it comes to the issue of spanking and an increase in intelligence would be to holding the child at a particular angle and spanking them to allow an increase of blood flow to the brain. I am obviously not being serious right now.

No, I don't think spanking is an appropriate punishment. In fact, I think it's laughable. "You did something wrong. Here, let me humiliate you by putting you over my knee and slapping your ass without explaining to you why what you did was wrong. Hopefully, in the future, you'll think twice about doing a deed you can associate with a few hard slaps to your ass."

Punishment doesn't allow a child to understand the nature of their "bad" deed, neither does taking away privileges. You'd need to appeal to your child's sense of guilt and self-preservation by actually sitting them down and talking to them gently, saying things like, "You know I love you, but what you did was wrong because *insert VALID reason*. I'm very disappointed in you. I hope you'll think about it for a while." This promotes an unconditional positive regard -- the child will always feel loved but knows he/she has disappointed the parents he/she loves and respects. It teaches the child not to tie behavior to material things (car, phone, television) and also not to associate behavior with humiliating punishment that only inhibits the behavior when you are around. Once you're not in the picture, the source of punishment is no longer there and the behavior will continue.

[Mountain Climber]

Thank you.

I spanked one of my kids, once. He called me a b***h. That was just too much. I taught them that we all make mistakes and if they are honest about it, their punishment is less. Hopefully, I taught them to be honest and not criminal. :)

[Mountain Climber]

I'm sorry...I don't believe I've understood the exact nature of the question. "intelligent"? Do you mean, does it make it certain that they won't repeat the same mistake or does it literally higher their IQ to spank them? Honestly, the only thing I can think of when it comes to the issue of spanking and an increase in intelligence would be to holding the child at a particular angle and spanking them to allow an increase of blood flow to the brain. I am obviously not being serious right now.

No, I don't think spanking is an appropriate punishment. In fact, I think it's laughable. "You did something wrong. Here, let me humiliate you by putting you over my knee and slapping your ass without explaining to you why what you did was wrong. Hopefully, in the future, you'll think twice about doing a deed you can associate with a few hard slaps to your ass."

Punishment doesn't allow a child to understand the nature of their "bad" deed, neither does taking away privileges. You'd need to appeal to your child's sense of guilt and self-preservation by actually sitting them down and talking to them gently, saying things like, "You know I love you, but what you did was wrong because *insert VALID reason*. I'm very disappointed in you. I hope you'll think about it for a while." This promotes an unconditional positive regard -- the child will always feel loved but knows he/she has disappointed the parents he/she loves and respects. It teaches the child not to tie behavior to material things (car, phone, television) and also not to associate behavior with humiliating punishment that only inhibits the behavior when you are around. Once you're not in the picture, the source of punishment is no longer there and the behavior will continue.

Good question, i don't understand either. :)

[Mountain Climber]

I believe it teaches the child to go around striking at others.

[secretk]

And if by any chance the kid doesn't think that they deserve the punishment, they learn also to not care. If I've been punished no matter what I do without an explanation at some point I would do whatever I want since either way I will be punished.

I agree parents should try to explain their children what they did wrong, that's the only way for them to understand their mistakes and to learn from them.

And I agree about taking objects from him. By taking something from me, the parent teaches me to know that those material objects matter.

My parents grounded me only once - they forbade me to watch TV. What I did? I watched it while they were at work. My mother caught me and we talked and decided that being grounded is not exactly the answer. I admitted my mistake and apologize and that's it.

[Perhaps]

Why in the world would it make a child more intelligent? All spanking teaches is, "do something I dislike, and I'll hit you."

And speaking from personal experience, it inspires kids to become much better liars. This seems counterproductive.

[Green Girl]

The only way to tell is to take a bunch of kids, test their IQ's,keep everything in their lives the same, but systematically spank half the group for a couple of years. Then retest. Somehow I don't think anyone will get awarded for that grant anytime soon.

I have known a lot of neglected or abused children. (And no, I'm not saying spanking is abuse. Not interested in having that argument.) They tend to be very persistent at demanding attention, pretty good at taking initiative to get what they want, manipulative, and liars. They are also quite far behind in academic subjects and general knowledge of the world, and slightly behind in logic and cognitive development.

So I don't know about spanking, but abuse and neglect do not make you smarter.

[ClockMan]

Well, once upon a time, I used to get the belt from my dad. He was pretty intimidating. Did I ever hate him for it? Nope. Do I resent him for it now? Nuh-uh. Because he did hit me, do I now watch my mouth towards him? Yup. Believe me, if it wasn't for this underlying feeling that he'd come right to me and punch me out, I would have totally disrespected him already(I'm 19 now).

So I guess my dad hitting me was beneficial...in our case at least. No idea how it might develop with other families.

P.S.
By 'intelligent' I'm assuming you mean 'does not disobey'.