INTJ relationships

INTJ relationships

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This is a discussion on INTJ relationships within the INTJ Articles forums, part of the INTJ Forum - The Scientists category; INTJ Relationships INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    INTJ relationships

    INTJ Relationships


    INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional needs. However, INTJs are in general extremely capable and intelligent individuals who strive to always be their best, and be moving in a positive direction. If they apply these basic goals to their personal relationships, they likely to enjoy happy and healthy interaction with their families and friends.


    INTJ Strengths

    * Not threatened by conflict or criticism
    * Usually self-confident
    * Take their relationships and commitments seriously
    * Generally extremely intelligent and capable
    * Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
    * Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
    * Good listeners

    INTJ Weaknesses

    * Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
    * May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
    * Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
    * Tendency to believe that they're always right
    * Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
    * Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
    * Tend to hold back part of themselves

    INTJs as Lovers

    "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

    INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect" than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy.

    INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem if it causes them to inadvertantly hurt their partner's feelings. If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware of the emotional effect that your words have upon them. In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.

    Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity shine through in this arena. In more negative relationships, they might enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it. They're likely to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather than as an opportunity to express love and affection. Although, the INTJ who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the health of their relationship is likely to be more verbally affectionate.

    INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people.

    INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships, their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality with their inner visions. INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).

    Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the ENTP. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.
    Bocephus, Indigo, rose and 23 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Thank you for this. I will give it a good read tomorrow.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    This is one of those posts that INTJs know by heart even before reading. We all know this of ourselves, but we want explanation, or just to read it over and over..... I personally know that I have issues with feelings and mush. I've always said that I don't hate emotions--I just don't know what to do with them.

    As for relationships, it's really weird with me. Usually the best friends I have are the exact people that upon first impression I'd say, "Ok, not this person." Or vice/versa. We kind of end up growing on each other.

    Sometimes upon displaying one of my many idiosyncrasies, a particular person will say, "Joe, you're unique......*long pause*....... in a GOOD way."
    NephilimAzrael, autumnbree03, Dove and 6 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    ENFP's??? Not for me. I can't carry on a coherent conversation with them and I don't like their emphasis on emotion and change. Another INTJ or ISTJ is what attracts me. But alas, INTJ women seem to turn most men off.

  5. #5
    ENTJ - The Executives

    NT's in general i think

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by ComoKate View Post
    ENFP's??? Not for me. I can't carry on a coherent conversation with them and I don't like their emphasis on emotion and change. Another INTJ or ISTJ is what attracts me. But alas, INTJ women seem to turn most men off.
    For me pretty much E _ _ _ leads to awkward situations for me, I always drift off on tangents and find myself entering back into a conversation clueless as to what was being discussed. Don't INTJ men turn most women away as well? Just can't be the "listener" they want me to be, and am just to technical about things.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    NT women and NF men seem to have a lot of complaints about not being able to attract mates, probably because they are the least likely to naturally fit into the expected gender stereotypes. This makes things difficult for those of us who actually want something different, because the qualities we seek are mostly things that people are taught to hide in order to fit in and seem normal. I know that I am desperately attracted to certain NF men, but NF men are taught to act like more common types in order to gain acceptance, making them difficult to recognize.

    I read somewhere that INFJ males are the rarest of all types, and that INTJ females are the second rarest. Whatever you do, be authentic, because if it is the same for men seeking NT women as it is for women seeking NF males, you will almost certainly be treasured for your rarity by someone who finds it refreshingly different, as long as you don't try to hide the things that make you special.
    Bocephus, rose, Robatix and 10 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I want to meet an _N__ girl. But it's really hard to find one in the punk/ska scene. Which is why usually I'm attracted to people who're older, like 12 years older. The last person I was attracted to turned 30 a couple of months after I turned 18. Oh well, makes me glad for college. Maybe I can meet a girl my age that I'd be attracted to.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    [quote=JoeMetallic;7986]This is one of those posts that INTJs know by heart even before reading. We all know this of ourselves, but we want explanation, or just to read it over and over.....

    God that is so true!
    PurpleTree thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by ComoKate View Post
    ENFP's??? Not for me. I can't carry on a coherent conversation with them and I don't like their emphasis on emotion and change. Another INTJ or ISTJ is what attracts me. But alas, INTJ women seem to turn most men off.

    I feel you on this one, I've noticed that as well, it takes a hell-of-a man to take on an INTJ women, and by god they'd better be pretty secure in themselves or we tend to inadvertently crush them.
    Persephone, Bene Gesserit, mdawn and 5 others thanked this post.


 
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