INTJ/ENFP: Joys and Frustrations

INTJ/ENFP: Joys and Frustrations

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17
Thank Tree74Thanks

This is a discussion on INTJ/ENFP: Joys and Frustrations within the INTJ Articles forums, part of the INTJ Forum - The Scientists category; The Joys Although INTJs and ENFPs share only one type preference in common, it is perhaps the most important one ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    INTJ/ENFP: Joys and Frustrations

    The Joys
    Although INTJs and ENFPs share only one type preference in common, it is perhaps the most important one since it is a common and imaginative view of the world. Both partners generally focus on the big picture, are excited by possibilities, and see implications and how things affect each other. And as people who naturally question why things work as they do, they are likely to understand the dynamics in relationships. Both are typically intrigued with global issues such as politics and the arts, and the enjoy sharing each other's perspectives. Their shared creativity is a strong and enduring connection between them.

    Yet INTJs' and ENFPs' differences are often the source of their initial attraction. INTJs are drawn to ENFPs' warmth, enthusiasm, and social ease. They admire ENFPs' ability to improvise and respond to the needs of other people. And INTJs also enjoy ENFPs' irreverent humor, their playful, accepting natures, and their unconventional approach to overcoming obstacles. ENFPs are attracted to INTJs' calm and their commitment to their intellectual passions. They also admire how INTJs are able to step back and remain objective even in the face of great emotion or tumult and still handle projects productively and efficiently.

    Because of their differences, INTJs and ENFPs help each other grow and develop in important ways. INTJs help ENFPs focus and commit themselves to fewer projects so they don't scatter their impressive talents on too many ventures at once. ENFPs often say that their partners help them to stick with a time-management plan and follow through more carefully with their commitments. With their partner's influence, many ENFPs are able to benefit from constructive criticism. For their part, ENFPs are generally able to soften the exterior of INTJs and encourage them to be more sensitive and compassionate. ENFPs help INTJs to better understand and share their own feelings and become more patient. And INTJs often say that their partners get them to relax, enjoy life, and not take things so seriously.

    The Frustrations
    As with any couple with several differences in type preference, frequent frustrations are experienced by both partners in this combination, the most striking being that ENFPs are among the most social of all types and INTJs are often among the least. While INTJs are perfectly content to spend time alone, ENFPs delight in meeting new people and become bored and restless with too much time by themselves. Most INTJs prefer to maintain a few close relationships, while ENFPs typically enjoy a wide circle of friends. When an unexpected social opportunity presents itself, ENFPs love to be able to respond, but their INTJ partners generally need considerably more time to come around, if they decide to participate at all.

    INTJs and ENFPs also have very different communication styles. Most INTJs process their ideas and reactions first in their heads and rarely speak unless they have something specific and well conceived to say. In contrast, ENFPs are big talkers; they need to talk in order to think things through. Since maintaining harmony and feeling emotionally connected to their mates is so important to ENFPs, they are constantly asking how they are feeling. But to many INTJs this is an unnecessary exercise at best and an annoying intrusion at worst. Most INTJs don't necessarily know how they feel about something unless they mull it over first, and they simply don't have as many emotional reactions to things as ENFPs do.

    While INTJs are logical and objective, they can also be critical and a bit insensitive to their partners' feelings. They set very high standards for themselves and others and can de demanding about people living up to their expectations. When conflicts arise, this couple tends to respond in different ways: INTJs may react angrily at first, while most ENFPs generally avoid a confrontation at all cost or quickly reestablish harmony.

    Another source of frustration experienced by INTJ and ENFP couples revolves around their different needs for closure. INTJs prefer things to be decided and settled. They find comfort in structure and predictability, making plans, and knowing what to expect. As a result, they are typically deliberate, organized, and productive and want a neat environment. In contrast, ENFPs prefer a more open-ended, spontaneous lifestyle. They often resist making plans for fear of missing out on some future opportunity. They also like surprises and frequently change plans at the last minute – an act that understandably frustrates their partners. INTJs sometimes view such behavior as impulsive and even irresponsible, while ENFPs complain that their partners are too rigid and controlling.

    How to Reach Your ENFP Partner

    • Try to talk and share your feelings freely with your partner. Don't close down or dismiss your partner's reactions.
    • Try to participate in more social events. Resist the urge to retreat into your work, a book, your computer, etc.
    • Give your partner your undivided attention, and be especially attentive when he or she is sharing emotional concerns.
    • Notice, comment, and be appreciative when your partner does something nice for you.
    • Admit when you're wrong, and recognize there are other 'right ways' of doing things besides your own. Don't impose your standards on your partner.
    • Let your partner know when something is bothering you. Don't wait for the resentment to build until it explodes.
    • Try not to criticize your partner. Begin with and emphasize the positive.

    How to Reach Your INTJ Partner

    • Give him or her plenty of emotional and physical space. Don't try to discuss things as soon as your mate gets home from work.
    • Respect your partner's very independent nature and need for ritual and routine.
    • Don't force your partner into too many social situations. Opt for small gatherings of close friends, or even encourage participation in small discussion or book groups.
    • Try to learn more about the things that are of particular interest to your partner.
    • Do what you say you'll do. Strive to be prompt and accountable.
    • Schedule time for the two of you to spend time together. Don't expect your partner to drop what he or she is doing to play with you spontaneously.

    [Source: Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type]
    Arioche, anon, geGamedev and 37 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality


    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    INTJs help ENFPs focus and commit themselves to fewer projects so they don't scatter their impressive talents on too many ventures at once. ENFPs often say that their partners help them to stick with a time-management plan and follow through more carefully with their commitments. With their partner's influence, many ENFPs are able to benefit from constructive criticism. For their part, ENFPs are generally able to soften the exterior of INTJs and encourage them to be more sensitive and compassionate. ENFPs help INTJs to better understand and share their own feelings and become more patient. And INTJs often say that their partners get them to relax, enjoy life, and not take things so seriously.
    My INTJ-ness is lacking a bit here. I spread myself very thin and in spite of the fact that I plan almost obsessively, I'm not very good at it. Maybe I really am an INTP?... /shrug

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    How to Reach Your INTJ Partner

    • Give him or her plenty of emotional and physical space. Don't try to discuss things as soon as your mate gets home from work.
    • Respect your partner's very independent nature and need for ritual and routine.
    • Don't force your partner into too many social situations. Opt for small gatherings of close friends, or even encourage participation in small discussion or book groups.
    • Try to learn more about the things that are of particular interest to your partner.
    • Do what you say you'll do. Strive to be prompt and accountable.
    • Schedule time for the two of you to spend time together. Don't expect your partner to drop what he or she is doing to play with you spontaneously.

    [Source: Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type]

    So true.
    Especially the one about discussing things right after I get home from work. I hate that.
    I don't want to talk about anything. I just want to sit down, stuff my face, and recharge.
    InvisibleJim, rednet2, jack london and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Score! I'm on the right track :)

    The joys are very accurate as well.
    NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Great article, This will help
    NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Alima View Post
    So true.
    Especially the one about discussing things right after I get home from work. I hate that.
    I don't want to talk about anything. I just want to sit down, stuff my face, and recharge.
    I lived with my sister a ESFP for a year, if I wanted the day to go well I HAD to stop everything and listen when she came home.
    Yea i found it extremely annoying, but in context to the bigger picture of the day/week it was something I had to do.

    Ironic how we looked at the small annoying things when the moment arises and forget that there are long term results to those annoying small things.
    chessio and Flowerpot92 thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    There are definitely a lot of frustrations in this pairing, but thankfully the joys are greater. The simple reality is though that no matching is perfect, because people are imperfect and selfish. More important than any theoretical matching is love. If two people really love each other, they can work through any differences.
    RuthBoaz, MelanieM, chessio and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality

    My first post!

    Today I decided to read about my ex's MBTI on personalitypage.com. Much to my surprise, on the relationship portion of his description it said an ENFP natural partner is INTJ. I decided to Google ENFP/INTJ and came across this thread. Very informative and quite accurate. He was my first and only relationship, and we lasted 6 years + 1 year of considering whether it will work out a second time before I called it quits for good. The reason I broke up with him had little to do with problems listed on this post, instead it had a lot to do with the situation we were in and the past experiences I had with him. I do believe that these two personalities can work out, even though it could be frustrating, it is bearable. Anyways, here's my response...

    The Joys
    I was always amazed at his ability to communicate with people. Everywhere we went, he seemed to be respected by others, he was humorous, and he genuinely wanted to help or teach people. He was overall an alpha male and well-liked and I appreciated that he was not fake and true to his values. I am almost the complete opposite, or rather, I am very introverted and prefer smaller groups or staying home. So I liked that he was able to do the talking, while I could just sit back and relax. Although, there were times that I felt neglected due to his flirtatious nature, and he would also be frustrated with me due to being "shy" or uncomfortable in big social situations.
    I was also attracted to him "idealizing" me and vice versa of me "idealizing" him. We probably lasted this long because of the emotional reasoning of being childhood friends, always being there for each other through rough times, and having "pure love" for one another made it difficult to let go of the past. I guess what I am trying to say... it's not about the tangible things that keeps a relationship alive, but rather a person's faith and ideas can overcome almost any difficult situation. Even though it's nice to feel truly loved by someone, it's not always the right decision.

    The Frustrations
    Yes, I probably am the least social type and he definitely is social. I don't mind this, as long as I don't have to be dragged out. I just feel that social events are very tiring, small talks are a waste of time, and going out is all "for show". I am not attracted to partying too much, extravagance, or gossiping. I prefer going to places where I can be comfortable (not too crowded), where I can explore culture, something intellectually stimulating, or even exercising in nature.
    Yes, we definitely had communication problems. I have to think for a very long time before I speak, which he finds that as being insensitive, heartless, robot, and even gone as far as accusing me to doing drugs. If you are an INTJ definitely work on communicating and expressing yourself, because I notice it frustrates a lot of people. Other types, please just realize that we need to THINK before we speak and be patient because it can takes months or years for our thoughts or feelings to be expressed... we want to make sure that our words are clear and accurate before anything comes out of our mouth. I have no problems expressing my feelings on paper, but when it comes to in person... nothing comes out.
    He was very good at expressing himself and convincing me with emotional reasoning. He was always asking what am I thinking or feeling. He always needed confirmation and he liked receiving compliments. He tend to feel lonely and wanted to spend time with me. I felt that he was too smothering and I needed my space. Then again, I always asked myself do I have a right to be mad at him if he genuinely just wanted to spend time with me?

    As a result, they are typically deliberate, organized, and productive and want a neat environment. In contrast, ENFPs prefer a more open-ended, spontaneous lifestyle. They often resist making plans for fear of missing out on some future opportunity. They also like surprises and frequently change plans at the last minute – an act that understandably frustrates their partners.
    It was definitely frustrating when I made plans and he just spontaneously wanted me to see me last minute! Even though my plans was just to clean or do errands, he said that those things aren't important... but to me it was like I made plans and I want to execute them, leave me alone ! Even though he never told me, I definitely felt that he feared "missing out on some future opportunity". I felt that he didn't appreciate my stability and love, because he would seek elsewhere for attention.
    rawr_sheila, NaughyChimp, cue5c and 7 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Considering how often threads get started on the subject of ENFP/INTJ attraction, I think that this thread should be *bumped* at least every month or two...

  10. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers



    A very successful ENFP-INTJ relationship: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick
    The Joys: 3 Super Bowl victories
    The Frustrations: Losing 2 Super Bowls to the Giants
    TheProphet556 and Flowerpot92 thanked this post.


 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. The 'Ideal Match'?: ENFP/INTJ
    By Grey in forum INTJ Articles
    Replies: 162
    Last Post: Today, 01:13 AM
  2. INTJ-ENFP connection...
    By Ramadulla in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 151
    Last Post: 02-18-2014, 12:04 PM
  3. ENFP on the INTJ
    By TheSafety in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 03-07-2011, 08:31 PM
  4. ENFP + INTJ relationship
    By Manekineko in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 01-23-2010, 10:26 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:42 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
2014 PersonalityCafe