[Targus28]

Right now i feel really stuck.I'm still getting over a very on and off relationship which was going on this year, and giving me quite a bit of pain.Im currently on Citalopram 20mg, purely to keep my emotions balance so i dont dip int a depression, but, the problem is, there taking away alot of my energy to do thing.Im sleeping alot and dont feel like i have the energy to do a full time job which i know is what i need if i want to move forward (and i do)

I hate hate this situation, i wish i had the energy to do what i want to do

Im currently trying to pursue sucess within music aswell as trying to hold down a job.I have been a DJ since i was 17, now 25, doing atleast a few gigs a year and practicing alot of having fun, but wanting to do it as a sort of career and travel the world.The problem was is that i wasnt willing to do what needed to be done to make it in the DJ world(Dog eat Dog sort of thing) and my social skills at the time were even worse than they are now.So i decided to try and make my own music, but with my standards to high, im only just getting to a place were im happy with my productions and having something i would play out.



So im stuck, i carnt come off the anti ds because ill go into a sort of depression, and staying on them means ill be standing still, but atleast i can still work on get on with life

Any advice on this would be helpful

[Targus28]

Anyone?.......

[Word Dispenser]

Hmmm... Interesting problem.

Sounds like you're working, and sleeping. Try doing something else! What are things you've always wanted to do, within your means? And take the time to go out and do them.

Try chess, Go!, reading books, mountain climbing, painting, science, math, anything!

Keep your mind busy, and your heart will follow. Get excited about the possibilities.

[refugee]

Why don't you try volunteering somewhere?

[Acey]

are you going to therapy ?

[Targus28]

Not yet, its a 10 month waiting list

[Neverontime]

Can you change your meds to another anti-depressant? Different sorts affect people in different ways.

[Bago]

Why don't you just do some travelling, get off the pills, take control of your own desire, and just do something out of the ordinary ? at the moment, you seem to be relying on the pills as a crutch. As an anchor. To be honest, everybody has an anchor in life, it is just that you may or may not come to learn what they are. Some may seem more "normal" or more "acceptable" than others, but we all find ways to anchor oourselves one way or another. Some people smoke to calm their nerves, but deny it when they are questioned about it. Some people exercise to the extreme. Some people eat their way out. (I do this a lot.)



I think it's time you explore another way to anchor yourself, which is more in tune with your own personality than just taking pills. To me, it is finding out about people, how they tick, how emotions and relationships are. When I travel, I learn about other people, anthropology is my thing. In reality, maybe I should invest in my emotions on the actual people than to find a generic way to understand people in general.... but either way, closing yourself off is not too good for you. Cos you still *need* people. Maybe like-minded people.



I was in a similar state before too in my mid-20s. I shut myself out of the world. The only thing I got, was my constant studying. I went into OTT and ESTJ mode. I studied psychology, philosophy etc etc. I went for the knowledge, but in the end, it was indeed the people to people interction that got me out too. A friend was kind enough to got me interviews, and I went back into the working world. This gave me a lot of confidence. Until I then failed too. But some things, you just have to do, you also got to find the emotional strength to do it as well. Looking back in hindsight, I think it was the redundancies, which caused me to go into anxiety mode, and that stopped me from trying to find other jobs. I did not feel wanted, or accepted as a working professional. It was in later days that my sister said to me in kind, that I should have indeed sectioned away my emotions from friends to that of colleagues. Cos I displaced emotions in places where I should not, and this toppled my whole existence to the ground. I think there are some reflection to be made for yourself, and think where did you place your emotions and why. Do you love the girl or the music the way that you want it to be etc etc ?


If you think about it, how do other INFP artists survive in the industry that they chose? Maybe there were a path for emotional music and very soothing music for example? Is your music mainstream? Or is it genre specific ? At the moment, you seems to be stuck in a black and white thinking, when really, you need to tap into your own INFP way and think laterally to get your music created. Again and again. If your music is not giving you joy any more, then you should not do it. Do it, cos it gives you joy, and meaning. :)

For example, I love dancing, but the reasons why I dance when I was in my 20s, have since changed to when I now dance in my 30s. But one thing is still true is that, I am not open to different kind of dancing, and I also found that I am an emotive dancer. I dance to the music and the beat. I am expressive than I am technical. I now do meditative dance workshop as well rather than to dance that often in bars/clubs for example. (Where the energies are not the healing type that I wanted to expose myself to etc....)

Use your MBTI to ask some serious questions and move on from there. By the way, pills allow our true true self to be back on track. i.e. INFP. But in reality and in the real world, people have to learn to exercise both their shadow function sometimes in order to suvrvive as necessary... Really ask yourself, do you wish to remain on pills forever.

In my mother's generation, people individuate from birth to death. Nowadays, I think the modern world expect or is trying to individuate a person by their mid 20s say. That is how I see it. Cos information is available everywhere, people do not seem to be able to build up the maslow hierarchy in slower time frames. The expectation is too high. If you see music as a spiritual thing, then you need to bring it back down and start to build from bottom up again. i.e. secure house, comforts, and then friendships, relationships and then music etc...

[Targus28]

Why don't you just do some travelling, get off the pills, take control of your own desire, and just do something out of the ordinary ? at the moment, you seem to be relying on the pills as a crutch. As an anchor. To be honest, everybody has an anchor in life, it is just that you may or may not come to learn what they are. Some may seem more "normal" or more "acceptable" than others, but we all find ways to anchor oourselves one way or another. Some people smoke to calm their nerves, but deny it when they are questioned about it. Some people exercise to the extreme. Some people eat their way out. (I do this a lot.)



I think it's time you explore another way to anchor yourself, which is more in tune with your own personality than just taking pills. To me, it is finding out about people, how they tick, how emotions and relationships are. When I travel, I learn about other people, anthropology is my thing. In reality, maybe I should invest in my emotions on the actual people than to find a generic way to understand people in general.... but either way, closing yourself off is not too good for you. Cos you still *need* people. Maybe like-minded people.



I was in a similar state before too in my mid-20s. I shut myself out of the world. The only thing I got, was my constant studying. I went into OTT and ESTJ mode. I studied psychology, philosophy etc etc. I went for the knowledge, but in the end, it was indeed the people to people interction that got me out too. A friend was kind enough to got me interviews, and I went back into the working world. This gave me a lot of confidence. Until I then failed too. But some things, you just have to do, you also got to find the emotional strength to do it as well. Looking back in hindsight, I think it was the redundancies, which caused me to go into anxiety mode, and that stopped me from trying to find other jobs. I did not feel wanted, or accepted as a working professional. It was in later days that my sister said to me in kind, that I should have indeed sectioned away my emotions from friends to that of colleagues. Cos I displaced emotions in places where I should not, and this toppled my whole existence to the ground. I think there are some reflection to be made for yourself, and think where did you place your emotions and why. Do you love the girl or the music the way that you want it to be etc etc ?


If you think about it, how do other INFP artists survive in the industry that they chose? Maybe there were a path for emotional music and very soothing music for example? Is your music mainstream? Or is it genre specific ? At the moment, you seems to be stuck in a black and white thinking, when really, you need to tap into your own INFP way and think laterally to get your music created. Again and again. If your music is not giving you joy any more, then you should not do it. Do it, cos it gives you joy, and meaning. :)

For example, I love dancing, but the reasons why I dance when I was in my 20s, have since changed to when I now dance in my 30s. But one thing is still true is that, I am not open to different kind of dancing, and I also found that I am an emotive dancer. I dance to the music and the beat. I am expressive than I am technical. I now do meditative dance workshop as well rather than to dance that often in bars/clubs for example. (Where the energies are not the healing type that I wanted to expose myself to etc....)

Use your MBTI to ask some serious questions and move on from there. By the way, pills allow our true true self to be back on track. i.e. INFP. But in reality and in the real world, people have to learn to exercise both their shadow function sometimes in order to suvrvive as necessary... Really ask yourself, do you wish to remain on pills forever.

In my mother's generation, people individuate from birth to death. Nowadays, I think the modern world expect or is trying to individuate a person by their mid 20s say. That is how I see it. Cos information is available everywhere, people do not seem to be able to build up the maslow hierarchy in slower time frames. The expectation is too high. If you see music as a spiritual thing, then you need to bring it back down and start to build from bottom up again. i.e. secure house, comforts, and then friendships, relationships and then music etc...

Thanks for your reply.A lot of it does make sense."Do you love the girl or the music the way that you want it to be etc etc" ?

Could you elaborate on this for me a bit? Struggling to understand what this means

In answer to the pill question, no, def don't want to be on pills for the rest of my life.Right now, i think i would struggle a bit to cope without the pills, plus, i feel like there giving me a chance to learn more about life in general, and are helping me carry on with work etc.With the pills, my thoughts come first, without much feeling.On the pills, its like they both come at once, and my anxiety and feelings just goes through the rough.I think right now, its would be a good idea just to stay on the pills, until my appointment comes through for therapy in 10 months or so, or I'm gonna try and get the money together myself and go private

I do love my music, it gives me a lot of joy.Whats setting me back is the low energy that comes from taking the pills, i know what i need to do to improve my music and get it out there, but 4-5 days of the week i just don't have the energy, unless i get in the studio, make something, and get really inspired...but then the work needs to come in to finish it off and get it out there.I know i will get to that point, just when i have come off the pills the past the breakup.I'm looking forward to coming off them, and feeling like myself again,and I'm ill have improved, i can already see improves in myself already. Yeah, rent wise, i'm in a bit of debt, but im paying it off slowly, as long as i don't go in anymore, then i'm o'k.So i don't feel as secure as i could, this is all not doing my anxiety issues any favors.Friends wise, i know i need to improve my social skills more, and I'm already working on that and am seeing improvements.The problem again, is lack of energy to do a full time job, so not enough money to go out and do social things..

[Bago]

."Do you love the girl or the music the way that you want it to be etc etc" ?

Could you elaborate on this for me a bit? Struggling to understand what this means

By that, I mean, do you understand her needs, and also be able to be there for her, than it is just about how you feel about the other person, or how they make you feel, but not how you can make the other person feel. does that make sense? If it is a case of co-depency relationship situation, i.e. she is there more for your emotional needs, than you can "take it or leave it", this is a risk to yourself. Cos when she leaves, you will fall back on your own good work of trying to climb out of this funk as you so said, right now.

Basically I mean, you need to see and draw a boundary on what the relationship is. If she is a partner, then treat her like a partner. If she is someone who is also a music fan and buddy, then treat her as that. It's like, it took me a while to figure out that, a colleague cannot also be a friend, for example. Cos in a way, we need to be in competition to each other, cos we will be appraised against each other for the same roles, when promotion time comes. Do you understand what I mean ? You need to understand and figure out your inner emotions and feelings to this girl before you then decide what to do with the relationship.


I definitely think that you need friends, or just people to talk to, to take your mind off things, or to rationalise things a little bit more. I do not know if that is an absolutely great thing for you to do, because, I come to realise that, as you become more rational, you will lose a little bit of your own emotive self, which is what or where your music can come from. A lot of fantastic music comes from sadness, and true deep deep emotional depth. I found myself writing the most wonderful writing when I was so down and depressed.... It allowed me to touch my own soul. This is why most artists try and keep themselves in a basic state of comfortable needs really.

Most creative people I know goes down to London, where it is the creative hub, full of wonderful minds... but there is a down side which shows as it can absorb you into seedy life. Saying that, you need to have a strong constitution in order to survive this kind of challenge. It shows you how much you can go through life for the sake of your music etc. Or if you just want a typical suburbia life....

You do not need social skills. You just need to find people of a similar mind, going through similar things to bond with ! Go online. Use forums. It is how I got in touch with so many different kinds of people in life. We then save up money and go to meets etc... It is indeed how I learnt about the creative industry as a whole, and how life is down in London. Chat is free, you know? Share music with others, figure out what is current or new in the industry and where it is going etc... Is Myspace totally out? Is online music the way to go for promotions ? etc etc..