[selfinsufficient]

@Geoffrey thank you for your thoughts and the links!

[selfinsufficient]

the biggest thing for me is, i NEVER would have expected him to do something like that. he has been so loyal and committed to me and to making our relationship work and has put us first, has made it clear how lucky he feels to be with me and he is a very trustworthy, dedicated person by nature that i was learning to trust completely and wholeheartedly and i was trying to let myself trust him that way, so all the more why i was so disturbed when i saw that. just so hurt, and primarily: DISAPPOINTED. utterly disappointed in him.

[Colyo]

Slow down. Firstly, this is an ISTJ we're talking about. He wouldn't have conceived the harm in it while he was drunk. It sounds like you have a hell of a relationship with this guy, so don't dent it over something so small. You can't expect the same kind of prejudice on those kinds of matters out of an ST like you can an NF. He buried it and he's still loyal, right?

Besides; you probably have a good idea of how ISTJ/XNFP relationship conflicts go by now; the NF rants about something, and the ISTJ continues apologizing or doing whatever they think they have to do to solve the "problem" that has arisen until they've got back what they wanted; a docile lover. So, that in mind, the only purpose you could have in bringing it up is to end your relationship entirely, otherwise nothing will come of it other than sore throats and some tears.

That and hammering on him for doing something so minor while drunk would be simply unreasonable.

[626Stitch]

Boy it really sounds to me like this guy is putting himself under a lot of preassure. Not that this is the fault of selfinsufficient.

DISAPPOINTED. utterly disappointed in him.

and this is probably what he is afraid of because he seems to be trying so hard to impress you. Not that you shouldnt confront him. I wouldnt be surprised if he is secretly paranoid that you have seen the message.

Maybe you to should get drunk together so that he can relax and you can just have fun together without him preassuring himself to be the perfect boyfreind.

Disclaimer: I have 0 experience in these matters so take note of my 2 c worth at your own peril.

[selfinsufficient]

Besides; you probably have a good idea of how ISTJ/XNFP relationship conflicts go by now; the NF rants about something, and the ISTJ continues apologizing or doing whatever they think they have to do to solve the "problem" that has arisen until they've got back what they wanted; a docile lover. So, that in mind, the only purpose you could have in bringing it up is to end your relationship entirely, otherwise nothing will come of it other than sore throats and some tears.

sounds about right. esp. since i do believe he has shown that he is making effort not to put himself in a situation where he drinks a lot anymore. he was so depressed the about the last time he did that and made a comment that he shouldn't do it anymore and i have seen him put that thought into practice so i guess it might be best to just trust that he is handling it and let it go.

[selfinsufficient]

@626Stitch you are right. i really do see how my overly high standards and expectations possibly contribute to his anxieties. it's just that when i love someone i give them everything, i am their biggest supporter, fan, i am completely loyal, dedicated, loving, nurturing, dependable... so much is riding on them, so much is riding on them not disappointing me. he feels that i am sure. he doesn't want to mess anything up, he's immensely afraid of losing me. that's why he didn't say anything about it. i know. i should just let it go. he is trying very hard. but... i don't want him to get in the habit of hiding things or lieing just for the sake of not losing me. i value the truth.