Where to draw the line and walk away...

**kikikins** · 04-26-2012 03:11 PM

INFps are incredibly sensitive and caring individuals who always manage to see the good in just about anyone.
My question is when you know it's time to walk away from a bad situation in terms of dating someone. Despite your desire to give someone second, third and fourth chances, how do you ultimately make the decision to pull the plug and never look back?
Also, I have issues dwelling on stuff that I should not dwell on when it comes to matters of the heart. How do you guys cope?

**J Bird** · 04-26-2012 03:58 PM

I started dating a guy, he assumed the wrost a few times and got upset with me, it hurt because he was wrong. It happened three times. I used to be pretty much a one-strike and you're out type, but this time i decided that these 3 strikes would be part of the "practice" Now i think im going to give three strikes and see how i feel if all those fail..

Theres a point where someone should realize its time to move on. If youve given practice strikes, and then more, and more, and now tell this person one last time, see what happens. If it fails, give one more, make sure this person understands the issue and that you are not taking any more. And then if it happens again, you should really now know this is not right. You shouldnt spend so much time dwelling, it should NOT be that difficult! You both deserve better.

I cope by finding something exciting in my life. Often all it takes is the fact that i know i can only really count on myself and i get a feeling of confidence and independence from that. I go for a walk, smoke a joint, and get home and make a tea and a small warm meal, and then i sit down and read, write, sing, learn german, daydream, etc.

**Michael82** · 04-26-2012 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by kikikins

INFps are incredibly sensitive and caring individuals who always manage to see the good in just about anyone.
My question is when you know it's time to walk away from a bad situation in terms of dating someone. Despite your desire to give someone second, third and fourth chances, how do you ultimately make the decision to pull the plug and never look back?
Also, I have issues dwelling on stuff that I should not dwell on when it comes to matters of the heart. How do you guys cope?

If it was real love we don't cope, all we can do is walk away and not look back. That's the burden of a romantic INFP.

**JigglyJello** · 04-26-2012 04:32 PM

I know this is going to sound vague, but it's when the relationship starts to feel more like acceptance and tolerance rather than appreciation.

**J Bird** · 04-26-2012 04:42 PM

Love someone without losing yourself. If you want to be loved- be real, if you want to love- try to understand what is supposed to be real. If you're being hurt, do what you can to make that better. If it doesnt get better, find a new solution. People shouldnt hurt the ones they love. There is such thing as selfless love, and selfish love. Real love is not selfish. Selfless love is about the one you love, selfish love is about that person who should be LOVING you instead! Do whatever you can to treat yourself how you deserve, which means ending unhealthy, selfish relationships.

**Sonne** · 04-26-2012 04:46 PM

Walking away isn't easy. It really isn't. And logic alone is never usually enough for us to walk away because we are hopeful, we see possibilities or "what ifs". We don't see things in black and white. We see shades of grey. So, it's naturally difficult for us to simply say, "see ya!" Doesn't work that way for many. I'd suggest gradually allowing yourself to think about your values, what's important to you, and find something that you value which is more important than sticking it out to find out if it's worth it. He may be a lost cause. Chances are you won't be able to force him to change. Instead of thinking it's your responsibility to wait for him until he changes, it's really his responsibility to change. He could be using you or your willingness to stay as an excuse to not change.