[HappyThoughts]

Why do we get so close to someone and start loving them only to be devestated when they die?





My grandmas days from dying and I cant control my emotions at all...

[fretterfet]

I guess the simplest explanation would be that you become emotionally invested in the person, so all the time and energy you put into the relationship is lost when they die. It's hard to build up relationships with people, so it's not like the ones close to you are easily replaceable.

[okaydrifter]

i don't know. :( it's a very good question.

i guess we all get attached to keep us close to the ones we love, keeping an eye on them and taking care of them. and then when they leave we're left with the devastation of having all of those feelings so strong, but the other person has moved on. whether this be in a relationship, or death of a loved one, or anything... it can be hard.

if you do the things they taught you and let their influence carry on in your life, it's a way of keeping them alive. my mom is still alive, but i'm currently living really far away from her, and i keep imagining all of these things like "oh mom would love this is she was here" and i keep noticing me acting in the same ways as my mom does... and in a way, it's making me feel even closer to her than when i was right there with her, because i realize how much of her is actually in me. it's a nice feeling.

anyway i'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. :(

[kaleidoscope]

I can't tell if you're seriously asking or just venting

If you're really asking, there's an evolutionary reason for why we get attached to others. It strengthens our social bonds, and therefore we learn to stay together and protect each other from harm, therefore surviving and eventually reproducing, and allowing our species to last. Our social connections are what allows the human species to exist to this day.

If you're not really asking, I'm sorry for your grandma :(

*feels geeky*

[dann]

I can't tell if you're seriously asking or just venting

If you're really asking, there's an evolutionary reason for why we get attached to others. It strengthens our social bonds, and therefore we learn to stay together and protect each other from harm, therefore surviving and eventually reproducing, and allowing our species to last. Our social connections are what allows the human species to exist to this day.

If you're not really asking, I'm sorry for your grandma :(

*feels geeky*

You can answer most questions on PerC with an evolutionary explanation, but people don't like hearing that kind of stuff for some reason

[Tenshi]

You can answer most questions on PerC with an evolutionary explanation, but people don't like hearing that kind of stuff for some reason

I think it's because it makes life seem meaningless. We NFs want depth, passion and meaning. Evolutionary and biological explanations rarely offer that.

HappyThoughts - I wish you the best.

[Steppenwolf2]

Sorry for your grandmother! I am more than attached to mine, and she is very old, so I could somewhat understand how that might be extremely difficult to you. As for attachment, I think it is more than attachment for people when they love someone. A new word is needed almost.You love the relationship and the person. Also, when you love, at least for me, an emptiness of not having the person in your life, it is difficult to replace with something or someone else. Everyone is unique, unreplaceable. When one can love a pet, and form an attachment to it, and feel loss when they are gone, how to evolutionary explain that? While some social bonding can be explained in an evolutionary sense, other ways of such strong bonding that lead to our intense emotional suffering when experiencing loss of a loved one is unexplainable. In my case it is also the fact that you want them to live - for them (that they continue living), to experience more happiness- to still have chance if something is missing and not yet fulfilled like in my grandmother - she wants me to see me and my sister married and have children; to have more chances to experience something wonderful too, not only for me, especially if last few years were not so great for her. Actually, they were filled with our whole family situation stress. So, I want that she feels happy here, and that I see her happy. She has dementia and depression. However, if they are suffering greatly that is different. Still painful, still sorrowful, but different. And, still there is a struggle to accept that. A great struggle for anyone I would think between wanting them free from pain and staying here.

[Knight_In_Rags]

Why do we get so close to someone and start loving them only to be devestated when they die?

Sadly, the price of love is suffering.

[adverseaffects]

I'm sorry. Just because she is moving on does not make the time you had together or the feelings you have for her any less meaningless; your love for her will give her life and death meaning and last after she has moved on.

[IcarusDreams]

Ms. @HappyThoughts,

MY heart is with yours during these sad times. I understand how you feel, having recently lost my grandpa (November 5, 2011). There's nothing wrong with your beautiful feelings and love for your dearest grandma. This morning I was crying myself, thinking that perhaps I may not see my own Grandma again (she's visiting NY, and currently with a relative upstate, but she's leaving soon.) Even though she stayed a few days home with me, I am not sure I'll see her again, so my heart sometimes breaks over this. You feel love, and this is no unhealthy attachment, or unnatural, nor should you be too hard on yourself or your feelings (nor is there any reasonable explanation for the way you feel right now, which is quite OK.) I can only cry with you, and send you my warmest regards during these most stressing and saddest of times.

Always remember that your grandma will always prefer you live happily. :) May her Happy Thoughts and memories fill your heart, as you keep following your dream with all your kind, loving heart.

Warmest Hugs,

IcarusDreams