[KateMarie999]

I don't know about you, but no matter what someone did to me, if they apologize and really mean it, I have no trouble forgiving them. Someone who recently did something so horrible to me it has affected my financial and emotional security refused to apologize for her actions. I have a right to be so angry at her but I know that if she apologized to me, I would give her a hug and tell her I forgive her. And I would mean it 100%.



But it's the uncaring, unapologetic nature that makes it so I still hate her. Every person I've ever hated has done something horrible to me and refused to see that they were wrong. That hurts me more than what they did and every time someone mentions them, my heart bursts back open and the pain is unbearable. I have so much trouble forgiving people. I think it's because I secretly care for people, as the INFP description says, but I want them to see that their actions are wrong. I don't want horrible things to happen to them when I'm angry at someone. I simply want them to see how they hurt me and feel sorry that it happened and strive to do better. And that's all I want.

What hurts even more is that my best friend is still friends with the person I am talking about so she mentions her and gets mad when I say I still hate her and am having a lot of trouble forgiving her.

Can anyone relate?

[telepariah]

Someone who was at one time my closest friend interfered in my marriage in a most manipulative and malicious way when my wife and I were newlyweds, and it harmed my marriage beyond description by putting me in the position of choosing between him and her. He lost that one. He never admitted he did anything wrong and refused to apologize to my wife for the harm he did to her. I forgave him in my heart but I never want to see him again. I forgave, but I'll never forget. Does that make sense?

[KateMarie999]

I don't believe you're supposed to forget. You've supposed to forgive. If you forget, you may be allowing the same thing to happen over and over again. That's a foolish way to live because you're just allowing people to walk all over you.

[vt1099ace]

it's ard for me to fully trust anyone anymore but when i do and you break it, manipulate me, take what i give of myself and use me as an expendable asset for your own gain...then never will I forgive or forget.

and god help you if come sniffing around thinking to try to use me again, that door is closed to you, go peddle your sob story elsewhere.

<damn, what dark reccess did that come from?>

[SarcasticBlack]

I can relate.

I have absolutely no problem forgiving people when they are truly sorry. I think this is because INFPs are known for their loyalty. I think a lot of us really understand what forgiveness means. Like my father, for example, who became an alcoholic for 14 years and put tremendous strain, anxiety, emotional and financial stress on the family (especially me). He's sober now and we talked about it. I forgive him. :) I forgave him the moment he put the bottle in his mouth. I forgave him when he verbally harmed me. I forgave him instantly. I knew I'd forgive him, and I do. I was also able to put myself in his shoes. I understand why he drank. It doesn't make his reasoning right by any means, nor do I agree with his reasoning, but I still understand it. I probably would have drank, too.

Another example, I have an ex-friend who was verbally abusive to me and caused me a lot of unnecessary stress and issues in my life. We are no longer friends. Like you said, it hurts more that he doesn't see the error in his ways than the actual things he said to me. I forgive him, but I will not be his friend. He ran out of chances with me.

Also, just because I forgive someone doesn't mean I'm going to stand around and take their crap, either. Unless they are incredibly close to me, I have a "three strikes and you're out" rule. If you mess up too many times with me, you're gone. I don't hold grudges, but I respect myself enough not to put myself in a bad situation. You can still forgive and move on (not saying you don't... just saying for conversation sake).

[KateMarie999]

I'm the kind of person who's waiting for you to be sorry with open arms. I will be understanding of your reasoning. I won't hold it against you. I believe in total forgiveness. But you MUST be sorry. If you're not sorry, my arms are crossed and you are not to come anywhere near me or I will lash out at you. This is because I am so deeply hurt by you that I cannot stand to have you anywhere near me.

My ex-boss (ESTP) was a good boss and I thought I had a good job. It paid the bills and life was good. Until one day she stormed into the room and fired me because not only was she having a bad day, I had made a mistake. I found out as she screamed at me that I hadn't been doing a very good job. Okay, I thought, that's my fault. Except for one little thing. She never told me before that moment!! And that's on her. And because of this, I have been going from job to job, trying desperately to hold myself together financially. My parents blame me for what happened. And my best friend still works there and talks about her. This boss never apologized for what she did, even when I apologized. I walked out of that building and refused to come back, even though she had given me some time to find another job (and didn't have a replacement for me). It wasn't the best way to deal with it but I refuse to be disrespected in that way. I waited for her to call and apologize to me for her horrible behavior. Instead she pretends I don't exist. I would forgive her in an instant if she would only apologize for pretty much ruining my life right now. But she won't. And I refuse to talk to her now because she's going to pull out this "it's your f***ing fault" BS right now. It's not MY fault you weren't willing to tell me what I was doing wrong until you were angry enough to do it.

And right now, even thinking about her stirs up this horrible hatred right now. I hate her. I want her to lose her business and be poor so she knows how it feels. I want someone to hurt her so badly she knows what she did was wrong. But it won't happen because that's the kind of world we live in. The people that screw us over are successful.

And yet if she apologized, all that hate would evaporate in an instant.

I hate life.

[IAmOrangeToday]

I generally find that long before I can forgive, I understand. That said, I forgive quickly because I hate grudges, they burn away inside of people.

[a piece of paper]

I just realised, I'm always the one who feels sorry about everything and apologies all the time and forgives everything but no one haven't done to same to me for many years even though I've tried so hard to put others first and all. Happy valentines day by the way :D I'm going to go and hit my head on a wall, I've never had so depressing valentines day than now :)

I forgive easily, but if I get deeply hurt by someone of my friends, I can never be that relax and open with her that I used to be... And they never know when they hurt me, 'cause there is so big difference in how we look things... But for some reason, I don't want their apologies either, guess my over-sensitivines is something that's just wrong with me in their opinion. Or maybe I just love to crawl in my misery :)

[dann]

Yes. We WANT to forgive, but sometimes we need to cut people out of our lives. Some people just aren't worth forgiving.

[Sily]

There are some bad bad bad people out there. Anyone ever see The Green Mile? Well, husband and I are always quoting lines from that movie & one that John Coffey says to Wild Bill is .... "You's a bad, bad man....". Making this long story short I'll say this: If you're on the Bad Man/Woman list, there's little hope for forgiveness w/me.

In addition, IMHO negativity causes cancer, so I try not to hold too much Bad Will toward said peoples. I got me a Life to live.