[wisdom]

Today I made the mistake of ordering a product from a company with an unpleasant policy and not looking more closely at alternatives. When I did and called to cancel the order, I was upset with the guy who answered. He started getting into my personal business, mainly to try to get some of my dollars under the guise of trying to help me, when that's virtually impossible for reasons I didn't explain. Some of it was covert anger at me for being a bad customer. He voiced some crazy ideas, too. Even so, I feel bad about my part in the conversation and backing out of the deal.

That particular kind of mistreatment was new, but I feel like I'm mistreated often, sometimes by people close to me or people for whom nastiness seems out of character. I now am almost completely isolated because of various incidents. I think I will have to cut another tie soon. There's a person whose help I badly need and who keeps claiming to want to help and then doesn't. I don't understand it all. Helping me would be easy and ultimately benefit her. For years, I thought we got along fine, until I realized her game.

This could be a generic whine. I mean it to have some relevance to INFPs in the reaction to mistreatment. Wondering if it's something about you, wondering why somebody would act like that, wondering what's wrong with the world - to the point where it can drive you crazy and preoccupy your thoughts just by recollections. I think the part about me is the easiest to understand - I'm not a happy, friendly person, and somehow that invites wrongdoing.

[Happy]

I know what you mean. You feel as if your being used right? If you really want to help people, you should not expect a return. This ideal can cure your feeling of mistreatment.

[wisdom]

No. That's a slightly annoying misreading. I expect arguably what anyone else would expect, most of which is not to be some whipping boy.

I've been staying silent because my fellow INFPs have given me the silent treatment on this. The topic is near and dear to me, and nobody cares to reply. So far, it's the least popular ever of any thread in the sub-forum. Kind of proves my point. If I have to be popular or wait until the site has hundreds of members to get adequate treatment, I'm out of here.

[Telesavant]

That particular kind of mistreatment was new, but I feel like I'm mistreated often, sometimes by people close to me or people for whom nastiness seems out of character. I now am almost completely isolated because of various incidents. I think I will have to cut another tie soon. There's a person whose help I badly need and who keeps claiming to want to help and then doesn't. I don't understand it all. Helping me would be easy and ultimately benefit her. For years, I thought we got along fine, until I realized her game.

I've been staying silent because my fellow INFPs have given me the silent treatment on this. The topic is near and dear to me, and nobody cares to reply. So far, it's the least popular ever of any thread in the sub-forum. Kind of proves my point. If I have to be popular or wait until the site has hundreds of members to get adequate treatment, I'm out of here.

Wisdom,

We manifest our own realities to a startling degree. You will not succeed in changing the world, nor will you succeed in changing others. Seek then to change yourself. Break ties which are unhealthy if necessary. Delineate your boundaries with those around you if it is needed. And above all, tell yourself that you will not be mistreated. Tell yourself that every day, without anger. Tell yourself you will not be mistreated because you are a worthy person. A helpful person. A kind person. And when you DO offer someone something, as Lance says, offer it freely, without expectation of recompense. This is liberation from a negative cycle of thinking which may grip you.

With respect to your lamentations regarding ownership of the "least popular thread" or your contention that one must be popular to be appreciated, I do think you are incorrect in your assumptions. It is not easy for most to respond to a post which essentially -is- a rant and a somewhat all-encompassing one at that. Many others probably do not desire to respond because there is little prospect of developing more than a string of ranting, or the offering of non-constructive, co-dependent sympathies.

I hope you break out of this cycle. It sounds very unhealthy. As one person to another, I'd surely like you to be happier & feeling more respected than you feel now.

And in regards to casting out threats of leaving the site - don't. This is passive aggressive behavior which is also harming you.

Sincerely,

Tele

[snail]

I just now found this thread. Yes, I think INFPs are more likely to be mistreated because we might as well have "kick me" signs on tattooed on our foreheads. Everything about me screams "This girl is a total doormat. Walk all over her," from my tone of voice to my body language. I don't know if it is the same for the others, but it has been my experience. I'm not going to behave inauthentically just to avoid it, though.

[Telesavant]

Allow me to humbly state also that I by no means belong here dispersing advise with respect to your personality types, and I apologize if my statements are not taken well.

However, I do mean well, and also do not feel it is anyone's lot in life to be walked all over, treated like crap, et cetera. If you suspect you have a predilection for attracting people who will use you, I suppose that then becomes one of those issues in life you must seek to overcome. Issues. We've all got 'em.

I worry that people will allow the personality typing of MTBI to effectively "resign themselves to fate". (See my comments on this thread: Are you happy with the MBTI type you got placed as?")

My hope would be that anyone could learn techniques in their lives to steer themselves away from sadness and fear. If indeed INFP individuals are most likely to suffer mistreatment at the hands of others, then I should hope that through identifying this there would be an immediate and concerted effort to find a solution to the problem. I cannot offer the techniques nor point the way to the solution, thus I am more or less an empty vessel, a flag-waver and little more.

I suspect that my comments around the site are coming off as pompous or preachy. This is not my intention if indeed I am interpreted as such. Pride in thinking, alas, this is an achilles' heel to me. Rather than remit anything I've offered thus far, though, I'll opt to let things stand and take any licks as they come, while endeavoring to tone down my dialect.

Best regards,

Tele

[CJay3113]

Today I made the mistake of ordering a product from a company with an unpleasant policy and not looking more closely at alternatives. When I did and called to cancel the order, I was upset with the guy who answered. He started getting into my personal business, mainly to try to get some of my dollars under the guise of trying to help me, when that's virtually impossible for reasons I didn't explain. Some of it was covert anger at me for being a bad customer. He voiced some crazy ideas, too. Even so, I feel bad about my part in the conversation and backing out of the deal.

That particular kind of mistreatment was new, but I feel like I'm mistreated often, sometimes by people close to me or people for whom nastiness seems out of character. I now am almost completely isolated because of various incidents. I think I will have to cut another tie soon. There's a person whose help I badly need and who keeps claiming to want to help and then doesn't. I don't understand it all. Helping me would be easy and ultimately benefit her. For years, I thought we got along fine, until I realized her game.

This could be a generic whine. I mean it to have some relevance to INFPs in the reaction to mistreatment. Wondering if it's something about you, wondering why somebody would act like that, wondering what's wrong with the world - to the point where it can drive you crazy and preoccupy your thoughts just by recollections. I think the part about me is the easiest to understand - I'm not a happy, friendly person, and somehow that invites wrongdoing.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've had similar experiences like that, but they weren't over the phone. I do find it hard to say something when someone is acting like a total ass. My policy is, if they choose to act foolish, then sit back and let them hear themselves speak. That's all it really is, right? Some people just want to impose their intense feelings of rage on others because they think they're some high power. I'm still learning not to take everything personal, but the stinging sensation is still there. And it is so hard to move on after something like this occurs. People like this ruin my day.

[Mystic Jenn]

Today I made the mistake of ordering a product from a company with an unpleasant policy and not looking more closely at alternatives. When I did and called to cancel the order, I was upset with the guy who answered. He started getting into my personal business, mainly to try to get some of my dollars under the guise of trying to help me, when that's virtually impossible for reasons I didn't explain. Some of it was covert anger at me for being a bad customer. He voiced some crazy ideas, too. Even so, I feel bad about my part in the conversation and backing out of the deal.

That particular kind of mistreatment was new, but I feel like I'm mistreated often, sometimes by people close to me or people for whom nastiness seems out of character. I now am almost completely isolated because of various incidents. I think I will have to cut another tie soon. There's a person whose help I badly need and who keeps claiming to want to help and then doesn't. I don't understand it all. Helping me would be easy and ultimately benefit her. For years, I thought we got along fine, until I realized her game.

This could be a generic whine. I mean it to have some relevance to INFPs in the reaction to mistreatment. Wondering if it's something about you, wondering why somebody would act like that, wondering what's wrong with the world - to the point where it can drive you crazy and preoccupy your thoughts just by recollections. I think the part about me is the easiest to understand - I'm not a happy, friendly person, and somehow that invites wrongdoing.

This is what I tell my friends and my little ones in the family. "Rise above...never stoop below." Even if you are in a foul mood...be your best. I think CJay said it right, let them listen to themselves. Usually they will calm down when they are talking to someone who sounds much more rationale and reasonable. You don't owe anyone anything.

[wisdom]

Better to say something that walk away without explanation.

I won't walk away right now. One reply did support my suspicion. The guy on the phone blatantly took advantage of my soft-spoken, conciliatory tendencies. But that was merely an opening for a rant about people who seem to be connected to me, not about being stung by the treatment of strangers toward "pathetic" sort who takes thing too hard. In person, I seem to get standard, decent treatment by strangers. It's the unoriginal idea that people save some of their worst behavior for closed-door situations - and I'm drawn to private closeness. Is humanity such that even a seeming friend with a reasonable level of sensitivity will think less of somebody for being gentle? Without rank or connections to compensate, I hasten to add. It's If so, then there seems to be little to do than be avoidant and occasionally complaining?