[difromoz]

ObLaDiObLaDa: Have to agree with you totally! I don't know that I would be brave enough to take that art class but learning to have thicker skin would be great! OK...so I am an ENFP but my E & I are very close and I certainly swing between both types often enough to confuse myself! But that said I am an ENFP but perhaps a slightly more introverted one (if that makes any sense).



I have posted on here some time ago...and the only thing I can add is follow your dreams. It doesn't matter how obscure or distant they may appear...just believe and embrace them. Also be very careful not to spend too much time around negativity because chances are you may also be an empath which means you absorb other people's energy and often experience it as your own. Read up on empaths as you'll recognize yourself if you are one.

[Ecolinda]

Don't let anyone tell you because you find it hard to be with people over long periods, and you like to spend a good deal of time by yourself, that you are somehow a worse person. This is not true. You are just an introvert. We are wired differently. We need other people's approval less than extroverts. I know that is hard to hear when you are a teenager and would simply love to fit in better and have more friends, but ask yourself this. Would you prefer to be who you truly are with slightly less friends, or pretend to be someone else with slightly more friends? My introvert daughter would go for being more individual with less friend, my extrovert son would rather conform and have more friends.

We are told that we are dreamers and have our head in the clouds because we are always looking at the future and how to make it better. Most great scientists, inspired artists and saints do likewise. Does it make them ridiculous people?

We are pretty unique. 4% of the population if you happen to be male, 5% if you happen to be female. Of course the majority of people are not going to be able to understand us very well, but wouldn't you rather be the diamond than the common rock.

They say that good people come last. What they don't tell you is that most companies that crash do so because they don't play fair with their customers, and most companies that go on to make millions have really good customer relations and good ethical practices. So, it seems that good people may well go far.

Our only real big failure is that we don't like people who do not live up to our own ethical standards. We often get snappy with their perceived lack of morals. So the next time you prepare to compare yourself with someone else, say to yourself, "This is my standard. We need to lower the bar a little bit for the others."

One last thing. We can also lower the bar a little for ourselves too, at least initially. I am not saying that we don't have to be perfect. (No INFP in their right mind would listen.) But maybe, just maybe, we don't have to be perfect today. "Today is just a practice run."

[butididitlastnight]

Our only real big failure is that we don't like people who do not live up to our own ethical standards. We often get snappy with their perceived lack of morals. So the next time you prepare to compare yourself with someone else, say to yourself, "This is my standard. We need to lower the bar a little bit for the others."

There was lots of good advice there, but I feel like I got the most out of this. I have been mulling over ending relationships because of people's lack of morals, but this is a huge wake up call. I can't expect everyone to live up to my standards, that would be completely unrealistic - I should just love people for who they are as an individual, rather than judge them for not sharing my ideals.

[foamonthewaves]

1. The world is not out to get you.
2. Be completely 100% satisfied and happy with yourself as you are. Do not seek self-satisfaction in another or romantic relationships. Such behavior can lead to clinginess and neediness on your part. It plays on the weakest aspect of the INFP - the need for acceptance and approval and the fear of abandonment.
3. When you and yourself are good, then you can offer your affections to somebody else.
4. Learn that you do not need to change yourself - like any other person or type, you need to turn what could be negative aspects of your personality into amazing attributes. This means harnessing your emotions in such a way that they become something for which you are respected.
5. Stop talking. Take the dream and make it a reality - even if the way in which you work is not slow and steady, but a fast burst of energy that churns out work and then goes dormant; however, do what you must to make the bursts of action come more often, while still adhering to your natural pattern of working.
6. People are not constantly judging you.
7. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Go beyond acceptance: understand, put aside your ideals. Do not, however, cross the line into trying to be someone else because you think he or she is better than you. They are not.
8. Let go, but don't give up entirely.
9. Stop being an emo shit.
10. Don't abandon yourself.

[ImnottheonlyINFP]

But maybe, just maybe, we don't have to be perfect today. "Today is just a practice run."

Your whole post is really good, but I especially love this part! : )

I know the advice here is supposed to be for under 30s, but I'm going to remember this.

[stoicBrit]

The one thing I know now that I wish I would have known when i was younger is this.Have enough faith in yourself to know that you are strong enough to deal with what ever happens in your life.Don,t let fear or insecurity hold you back from reaching out to people emotionally, experiencing life or following your bliss.Trust me when I say that you are stronger and more resourceful then you give yourself credit for.

[SuyashJ]

Wow, amazing advice by everyone! Really thankful that I stumbled across this forum, and more specifically, this thread.
All those who have given such thoughtful advice, my deepest gratitude!

May the force be with us!

[miafarrow]

1. The world is not out to get you.
2. Be completely 100% satisfied and happy with yourself as you are. Do not seek self-satisfaction in another or romantic relationships. Such behavior can lead to clinginess and neediness on your part. It plays on the weakest aspect of the INFP - the need for acceptance and approval and the fear of abandonment.
3. When you and yourself are good, then you can offer your affections to somebody else.
4. Learn that you do not need to change yourself - like any other person or type, you need to turn what could be negative aspects of your personality into amazing attributes. This means harnessing your emotions in such a way that they become something for which you are respected.
5. Stop talking. Take the dream and make it a reality - even if the way in which you work is not slow and steady, but a fast burst of energy that churns out work and then goes dormant; however, do what you must to make the bursts of action come more often, while still adhering to your natural pattern of working.
6. People are not constantly judging you.
7. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Go beyond acceptance: understand, put aside your ideals. Do not, however, cross the line into trying to be someone else because you think he or she is better than you. They are not.
8. Let go, but don't give up entirely.
9. Stop being an emo shit.
10. Don't abandon yourself.

I love this, thank you! Especially #9! As soon as you stop acting like an angsty asshole, you'll feel way better and you'll realize that people actually really love being around you.

Thank you so much to all the contributors here. This is the best thread I've found on here and is the reason I've joined this forum.

Alright, I am not quite 30 (but am very close) and am definitely experiencing a really intense period of growth. What I am finally learning is:

* Everyone is imperfect. Don't hold that against others and especially don't hold it against yourself.

* Break down your barriers and throw them out for good. You think they are protecting you, but they are what is hurting you the most. INFPs have soft gooey centers, and that's what's beautiful about us. When you hide that from others, they can't see the real you at all.

* For god's sake, face what you fear! Shake, cry, freak out, but do NOT run away. Learning this has changed my life. Because we are so vulnerable, we have the capacity to be remarkably strong.

* Catch yourself judging others and reflect on this. This is a mechanism of your own insecurity and it holds you back from interacting with people around you who may be much cooler than you realize.

* Be open to dating & making friends against type. If you are like me, you may have a tendency to indulge in ideas about ideal romantic partners and pals. You may keep going for the same type of fella/lady based on initial gut reactions. When you do this, you don't give people a chance who may be much better for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your instincts, but you may be unnecessarily limiting yourself from great possibilities. Many of my best friends are people I did not like at first and many of the guys I fell head over heels for on the spot turned out to be a bit turdish, Just sayin.'

* Conflict is not the end of the world. Sometimes it's a chance to grow, disguised.

* Don't fall into the trap of trying to parent an immature or troubled partner. When you do this, you are holding them back from facing themselves.

* Take a dance class or something similar. The mistakes you make will bond you with your classmates and will help you see the humor in failure.

* Remember to really look around you.

* As much as is possible, try to catch yourself projecting onto others.

* Don't be afraid that because you are adaptable, underneath it all you are empty. This is actually a very profound state and is arguably true of every personality type.

* Totally embrace your weirdness. The right people will get a kick out of you and you'll draw them in like flies to honey. If you don't express your wacky self, they won't be able to see you!

* On a similar note, develop your extroverted side.

* Surround yourself with people who love you and who you love. If you don't have this yet, know you will in the future.

* By all means, try not to hold your own ideals over other people! These are your rules to live by, not theirs. This does not make them any better or any worse than you, just different. Knowing this will help you feel closer to the people around you and will help you truly love them.

* Don't take things so personally, it's probably not about you.

* When you feel yourself putting someone on a pedestal, question why.

* Do not repress your feelings!

That's all I've got now. I'm sure I'll think of more to add later

[foamonthewaves]

I love this, thank you! Especially #9! As soon as you stop acting like an angsty asshole, you'll feel way better and you'll realize that people actually really love being around you.

Thank you so much to all the contributors here. This is the best thread I've found on here and is the reason I've joined this forum.

Alright, I am not quite 30 (but am very close) and am definitely experiencing a really intense period of growth. What I am finally learning is:

* Everyone is imperfect. Don't hold that against others and especially don't hold it against yourself.

* Break down your barriers and throw them out for good. You think they are protecting you, but they are what is hurting you the most. INFPs have soft gooey centers, and that's what's beautiful about us. When you hide that from others, they can't see the real you at all.

* For god's sake, face what you fear! Shake, cry, freak out, but do NOT run away. Learning this has changed my life. Because we are so vulnerable, we have the capacity to be remarkably strong.

* Catch yourself judging others and reflect on this. This is a mechanism of your own insecurity and it holds you back from interacting with people around you who may be much cooler than you realize.

* Be open to dating & making friends against type. If you are like me, you may have a tendency to indulge in ideas about ideal romantic partners and pals. You may keep going for the same type of fella/lady based on initial gut reactions. When you do this, you don't give people a chance who may be much better for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your instincts, but you may be unnecessarily limiting yourself from great possibilities. Many of my best friends are people I did not like at first and many of the guys I fell head over heels for on the spot turned out to be a bit turdish, Just sayin.'

* Conflict is not the end of the world. Sometimes it's a chance to grow, disguised.

* Don't fall into the trap of trying to parent an immature or troubled partner. When you do this, you are holding them back from facing themselves.

* Take a dance class or something similar. The mistakes you make will bond you with your classmates and will help you see the humor in failure.

* Remember to really look around you.

* As much as is possible, try to catch yourself projecting onto others.

* Don't be afraid that because you are adaptable, underneath it all you are empty. This is actually a very profound state and is arguably true of every personality type.

* Totally embrace your weirdness. The right people will get a kick out of you and you'll draw them in like bees to honey. If you don't express your wacky self, they won't be able to see you!

* On a similar note, develop your extroverted side.

* Surround yourself with people who love you and who you love. If you don't have this yet, know you will in the future.

* By all means, try not to hold your own ideals over other people! These are your rules to live by, not theirs. This does not make them any better or any worse than you, just different. Knowing this will help you feel closer to the people around you and will help you truly love them.

* Don't take things so personally, it's probably not about you.

* When you feel yourself putting someone on a pedestal, question why.

* Do not repress your feelings!

That's all I've got now. I'm sure I'll think of more to add later

Yes, yes, yes, and oh yes, but especially the bit about our vulnerability being our greatest strength.

[fatima.19]

love it !
definetly writing some of this in my diary :)