I noticed that INFPs are by far the pickiest when it comes to choosing significant others. Our standards are quite high and expect our loved ones to enter our lives and save us. Let's face it, we want someone that's happy, pretty, positive, understanding, accepting, loyal, smiling, and somewhat intellectually challenging.
Interesting (not sure accurate) enough, check out this page:
MBTI Demographics - all types - INTJ Forum
Out of all INFPs surveyed, only 30% were married, which put us in the lowest percentage married. Why? Two guesses:
1. "Our standards are quite high and expect our loved ones to enter our lives and save us. Let's face it, we want someone that's happy, pretty, positive, understanding, accepting, loyal, smiling, and somewhat intellectually challenging."
2. Some INFPs (including myself) have the "I'm not good enough" defeatist attitude that shun others from entering our lives because we're either become paranoid/defensive or enclosed in our shell.
Fortunately, I am glad to humble myself and acknowledge my weaknesses and develop my strengths through this site. Even from the forums here, I have made a lot of different decisions that have affected me. I meet women in real life through online services (Match, to be specific). I control how I act and converse in groups. If I type (which personality) someone correctly, I know how to better interact with the person. I can understand why someone personalities act the way they do (my parents are ISTJ/ENTJ and I finally understand them).
Last summer, I met an ESFJ and we were a couple for 6 months. She fit my previous standards almost perfectly. My initial reaction was that she is indeed a match! She gave me attention, loyalty, love, and acceptance. I thought I was going to marry her. 6 months later, I had to break up with her. I felt too overwhelmed by her sensitivity (she will SOB over anything). How I won over her heart felt too easy and un-challenging. I felt disappointed to drive to her an hour away (that's 2 hours for a round trip). We began to argue (something I've always wanted to run away from). Even if I don't see her, I have to talk to her for at least 90 minutes over the phone or skype. I began to devalue her strengths and pick up on all her weaknesses. She was driving me insane. It was my fault too. I put her on a pedestal all along, which I realized after the fallout.
At the height of my resentment, I revised my previous "standards" twice. My first revision. I wanted to be with someone that is emotionally distant and insensitive yet loyal. I felt that this just wasn't me so I deleted it. I revised my standard one more time: I must know her completely before I can like her. I'm beginning to mature.
I don't know how fast and deep other INFPs get in their relationships (especially based on infatuation), but from now on, I will go slow. Because I set high standards on women before, I will not do that anymore. Instead, I will be the standard. I will be completely open and honest to anyone I meet. I will be accepting, understanding, loyal (when relationship is firmly established --- no passiveness), upbeat (my father always told me to smile and look happy), energetic, and curious (to get to know the person).
Here are my questions to the MARRIED (sure, previously married too) INFPs:
1. What was your first reaction when you met your spouse? Love at first sight? Bad impression? Just another classmate/co-worker?
2. What were your standards before meeting your husband/wife?
3. After marriage, did you realize that you had the wrong standards all along? Or, does your husband/wife fit your standards?
4. What are your CRITICAL thoughts of what I wrote? Be honest and painful.
5. What personality type is your SO (significant other)?
6. Got any tips for your fellow INFPs and other single members of this site on finding and identifying the SO and developing a healthy relationship?
7. How old were you when you first met your spouse and what age did you marry?