[ethylester]

Just now I was talking with some co-workers about the MBTI. These people were ENTJ, INTP and ISTJ. We were speculating on each other's types and I made the comment that all of them will come up to me and just start telling me facts to start a conversation. Like, they go, "hey ethylester, did you know that in Charleston, West Virginia, they are almost perfectly split between democrats and republicans?" and then I am expected to answer them and thus begins a conversation.

I started thinking about how I instigate a conversation with any of them and I could not, for the life of me, think about how I do this. So finally I asked them what I say to them when I go up to them and start talking. They pondered this and the ENTJ said, "You don't. I'm pretty sure all our conversations are started by me." And they agreed that I never come up and talk to them, yet we have had countless conversations together.

I thought surely I must go up to one of them to say something and the only thing they could come up with is when I need to know something immediate like "when are you going to lunch?" or "will you help me with the project?" or something like that. Otherwise I don't approach them at all. And keep in mind, I really like these people and enjoy having conversations with them! I'm not trying to avoid anybody!

That kind of blew my mind. Am I really like this?

What about you? Are you like this too?

[rbgj]

I'm not very good at initiating filler-conversation, no. I usually need to have a reason to talk, to feel like conversation is even necessary. The reason may be however banal, even something as simple as wanting to know the people around me better. Thus, when striking up a conversation It's usually in the form of a question: "So, what do you think about..?"

I guess I just don't see talking as an end in itself. If people want to talk, I'm happy to oblige however. Tho I may be a little unenthusiastic if the topic doesn't interest me and I don't really enjoy the company.. I guess I'm just a bit of jerk. However if the situation is the opposite, I can be quite the conversateur. I talk with a lot of passion and gusto. This usually surprise people, as it's so radically different from my ordinary demeanor.

This approach also brings it's problems with it. As I don't really know how to just chat with people, even when the urge hits me. Which is rare.

[telepariah]

I think I am. But I never asked anybody. Funny thing is, once I get started, it can be pretty hard to get me to shut up... especially on subjects that I care about.

Even at work, if I need some information, I will search everywhere for it exhaustively before I will ask somebody.

[ethylester]

It just makes me sad because that sounds so unfriendly of me! I only talk to people when I need something from them? That's crappy. I should start approaching people more often with whatever is on my mind. See how it goes...

[krentz]

Funny you should have noticed that, but I'm exactly the same way as well! It's really kind of unnerving. I guess it's a combination of the fact that I'm so respectful of others' space almost to the detriment of my feelings, and that most of the things I'm interested in I kind of feel most others wouldn't be. But the more I think of it, yeah... even most of the most interesting, most entertaining, deepest and most insightful conversations I have had were instigated by another person - be it a filler, an innocuous question that blossomed into full-blown discourse...

My own feelings on the matter waver somewhere between amusement and exasperation, something like 'Oh Liam, you're almost hilarious in your peculiarity, but can you please stop being like that because it really doesn't do you any favours'. I mean, I even stood there and watched 3 other people have a conversation about something unrelated right next to me for 5 minutes before I had to interrupt them, and they had called -me- over to fix an IT problem! (Though I think that was a bit rude of them too.)

I have noticed that around people I am comfortable with, I will often come out with random quips or comments that aren't really directed at anybody but could easily lead into conversation if they take the bait (kind of like thinking out loud, only directed at another person). Also if I know we share something, be it an element of personality or a hobby or interest, I sometimes ask a number of 'Have you ever...' questions. But in terms of specifically trying to initiate a conversation with someone, particularly if I don't know them? Almost never.

Part of me really cringes when I think I might end up like the person in your comment (like... thanks for the info?). But then, half of the esoteric trivia I know is perhaps as cringeworthy to other people, too? Blargh, I don't even know anymore! See what you've done, devil-woman, with your questions! Ye'll drive me mad before the day is done!

(Oh, and I'm a little envious that you can even -talk- about MBTI with your coworkers, though my interest in it has mellowed over the past couple of years.)

[rbgj]

I have noticed that around people I am comfortable with, I will often come out with random quips or comments that aren't really directed at anybody but could easily lead into conversation if they take the bait (kind of like thinking out loud, only directed at another person).

This resonates with me. It's exactly what I do whenever I find myself at social gatherings. I'll just sit there keeping up with the conversation. Till something sparks my imagination and grabs the attention of my Ne. At which point I'll blurt out something very outlandish and quirky. Usually met by appreciation. Rinse and repeat.

I prefer letting the people who actually enjoy being in the limelight having it. I'm perfectly happy with not being the focus of attention. I've realized that what I consider "hogging the limelight", radically differs from other people's perspective. IE: When I feel like I'm taking up too much room. It takes a little time for some people to realize that being quiet is generally not a sign of me being uncomfortable. To me there's a million kinds of silence..I must be extremely difficult to read.

[ethylester]

@krentz - Yes, I do the thinking out loud thing too, and if someone wants to "take the bait" as you said, then that's fine. But if not, I'm perfectly ok with just muttering to myself. And to be fair, I'm sure I have gone up to my co-workers with something I thought would interest them and started a conversation, but it would have to be something that we had just been talking about or something that reminded me of them that I was thinking about. It would have to pertain to them specifically. It couldn't just be some random thought I was having. Like if my co-worker had a corn snake and I was just playing with a corn snake the day before, I MIGHT bring it up. 50/50 chance.

And haha, I love teasing people with my diabolical, maddening questions! ;)

[yukib1t]

I have noticed that around people I am comfortable with, I will often come out with random quips or comments that aren't really directed at anybody but could easily lead into conversation if they take the bait (kind of like thinking out loud, only directed at another person). Also if I know we share something, be it an element of personality or a hobby or interest, I sometimes ask a number of 'Have you ever...' questions. But in terms of specifically trying to initiate a conversation with someone, particularly if I don't know them? Almost never.

This also resonates with me, just like @rbgj mentioned. The more comfortable I am with someone the more likely I'll try to bring up topics with them. But never directly, unless it's something required, like when we're going to be heading back to work from lunch.

The fact that I rarely start conversations is something I noticed a few years ago, but with me the revelation came with online communications. It occurred to me that all of my friends IM me at the start of a conversation, never the other way around, unless I'm asking them for some specific piece of information. But even then, if I am asking, it's usually just because I hope to start an actual conversation with them :-P

I don't think this behavior is bad in itself, just when it gets out of hand. Like when I'm just starting to date someone. In situations like this, I'll either constantly put off contacting them until I have a reason to ask them something (maybe to go do something together), or I'll notice my behavior and try to overcompensate, leaving me looking clingy when in fact I'm not. It's just that I'm wanting to start having conversations with them but don't know how to start, and so I get paranoid that I'm not starting them enough.

[Bumblyjack]

Personally, I look for an INFP that's anxiously waiting for someone to start a conversation with them. Then I say, "How do you feel about..." and sit back and watch the show.