So I moved to Florida 14 months from Texas, where I had lived my entire life. I came for rehab and I'm doing much better now. But, I feel less and less connected as time goes on. I've made a boatload of acquaintances here, mostly through recovery or my church. But I always end up feeling emptier than I did before I met these people. I have such high expectations when I meet someone I like, particularly about the role I want/expect them to play in my life. It's really not fair and it just leaves me feeling let down, but that's the case nonetheless.
I fell for the pastor's daughter at church, I'm really close to her parents and I get along well with her sisters. But after a while of being friendly and not even almost hitting on her, I got a "i'm not interested in dating you nor will I ever be" response. And I let this slowly turn into a sense of rejection that I associate with the entire church now. It was one place where I really felt at home and safe here, and now that's almost entirely gone as well. I tend to fall for girls with nice/big families. So I probably didn't like the chick as much as I did the idea of being with her and being a part of a family. Not that I don't have a nice family- they're wonderful. I have wonderful parents, albeit I'm not really that close to them. Emotionally or physically - they're all the way back in Texas. Along with almost everyone else I know.
But in AA I've learned that the best way to help yourself is by helping others, so hopefully someone here reads this and can relate to it. Then, maybe, they can help themselves by helping me.