[Smiling Aria]

Although I would most specifically like to know about INFPs on this topic, I'd love to hear from anybody ^_^

I was reading this article: The INFP and UNrequited Love
And, well. Every love I've had for the past few years has been completely unrequited. Sometimes it lasts for months... hoping something will change. I feel like it's made me a little bit on the cynic side of realistic with any romantic ideas. Though, sometimes, my true colors shine through and I end up gushing about how beautiful love is.
I'd like to know if other INFPs have this in common: I'm rarely ever approached (romantically or sexually) or hit on by anybody except by older men and older men who want to cheat on their wives (no joke) as well as people who seem to be incredibly egotistical and look at me as something they'd like to control or take advantage of because I seem like such a pushover. When I approach somebody (romantically or sexually), the feelings are VERY rarely shared. The most common response I get is "I don't want to ruin our friendship". Now.. I try to explain that, friendship wouldn't change if we broke up or started dating but they don't seem to get that.. Is it that INFPs just make good friends and people are afraid of losing friends or feel friends are more valuable? I've only ever REALLY dated 1 girl in my life. I've never been romantically fulfilled by anybody x_x
I feel like I'm a nice enough person. I don't really have a provocative side o.o But, I feel as though the problem might be that currently in general, provocative behavior and promiscuous acts are more likely to bring romance than a nice person who can actually LOVE somebody.. If being nice and intelligent isn't enough, what is? What is it that I'm not understanding? x.x
I don't seek romantic partners. Ever. I don't "date". I don't do "hook ups". I'm kind of old-fashioned romantic most of the time.
I'm not particularly sad to be single. In fact, I quite enjoy single life. Not very demanding. I guess my independent nature might scare away a few potential people due to their strong desire to have somebody depend on them or be a "fixer-upper" or something.. As happy as I am single. As much as I enjoy the self discovery time and whatnot.. I'm over 20, haven't had a relationship since I was 17+18. I see all the people around my age getting in and out of relationships or finding people they click with amazingly well, but I haven't even been flirted with since I was 17. I feel invisible o.o and well, it would be nice to not only fall in love... but for somebody to love me the way I love them for once, ya know?

[rbgj]

This is a case where being an introverted feeler really does suck.

[summer solstice]

[...] but for somebody to love me the way I love them for once, ya know?

Sighs. Nods.

[Flora]

I can really relate to what you wrote. I think that the first time I felt unrequited love I was 6 and it's been a constant throughout my life. I wonder if it's "bad luck" or a subconscious choice of unattainable/uninterested potential lovers.

[La Li Lu Le Lo]

Yep. And it lasts forever.

[redhotchips]

Does this include broken-off relationships?

Would you rather have "loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?

Or does after having been together, even if the other person breaks it off, would you try to logically rationalize to yourself that it's better off that you are no longer with the person?

[La Li Lu Le Lo]

Would you rather have "loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?

I've often pondered this question because unrequited love is like having loved and lost and having never loved at all right in one big package. And that's all I've ever experienced...

[Strat19]

I feel like I'm a nice enough person. I don't really have a provocative side o.o But, I feel as though the problem might be that currently in general, provocative behavior and promiscuous acts are more likely to bring romance than a nice person who can actually LOVE somebody.. If being nice and intelligent isn't enough, what is? What is it that I'm not understanding? x.x

I can totally relate. I know how hard the whole relationship game can get for us INs, but changing how you naturally behave is absolutely not the way to go, you'd only attract the wrong kind of people. It might've been easier for you if you were interested in guys, as introversion is a major turn off for most girls. Most, but not all... you'll know it when you meet a fellow INP :) When you do, you won't need that extraverted provocative facade.

And

The most common response I get is "I don't want to ruin our friendship". Now.. I try to explain that, friendship wouldn't change if we broke up or started dating but they don't seem to get that..

is just a lame overused excuse. If they were really attracted to you they wouldn't give a damn about ruining the friendship.

[Luke]

Although I would most specifically like to know about INFPs on this topic, I'd love to hear from anybody ^_^

I was reading this article: The INFP and UNrequited Love
And, well. Every love I've had for the past few years has been completely unrequited. Sometimes it lasts for months... hoping something will change. I feel like it's made me a little bit on the cynic side of realistic with any romantic ideas. Though, sometimes, my true colors shine through and I end up gushing about how beautiful love is.
I'd like to know if other INFPs have this in common: I'm rarely ever approached (romantically or sexually) or hit on by anybody except by older men and older men who want to cheat on their wives (no joke) as well as people who seem to be incredibly egotistical and look at me as something they'd like to control or take advantage of because I seem like such a pushover. When I approach somebody (romantically or sexually), the feelings are VERY rarely shared. The most common response I get is "I don't want to ruin our friendship". Now.. I try to explain that, friendship wouldn't change if we broke up or started dating but they don't seem to get that.. Is it that INFPs just make good friends and people are afraid of losing friends or feel friends are more valuable? I've only ever REALLY dated 1 girl in my life. I've never been romantically fulfilled by anybody x_x
I feel like I'm a nice enough person. I don't really have a provocative side o.o But, I feel as though the problem might be that currently in general, provocative behavior and promiscuous acts are more likely to bring romance than a nice person who can actually LOVE somebody.. If being nice and intelligent isn't enough, what is? What is it that I'm not understanding? x.x
I don't seek romantic partners. Ever. I don't "date". I don't do "hook ups". I'm kind of old-fashioned romantic most of the time.
I'm not particularly sad to be single. In fact, I quite enjoy single life. Not very demanding. I guess my independent nature might scare away a few potential people due to their strong desire to have somebody depend on them or be a "fixer-upper" or something.. As happy as I am single. As much as I enjoy the self discovery time and whatnot.. I'm over 20, haven't had a relationship since I was 17+18. I see all the people around my age getting in and out of relationships or finding people they click with amazingly well, but I haven't even been flirted with since I was 17. I feel invisible o.o and well, it would be nice to not only fall in love... but for somebody to love me the way I love them for once, ya know?

I have the same problem. I am perpetually single. I find it interesting that you mentioned that you don't have a provocative side, I don't either and my current theory is that most young people are looking for short term flings and due to this they look for provocative people. Being intelligent and nice are more likely to be characteristics people look for in a long term relationship and most people just aren't ready for that.

[Smiling Aria]

So.. Are we just unlikely to be in relationships at younger ages? Are we much more likely to find somebody or potential somebody in later years?