[iinnffpp]

"INFPs are too sensitive! Man up!"

we hear this time and time again. there is some truth to it, for sure. but are we as a group really that incredibly oversensitive? i thought about this as logically as i could, and i've come to the conclusion that it's a combination of INFPs being slightly more sensitive than most, AND a lot of non-INFPs being really insensitive and unaware of their shitty behavior. let's not just blame ourselves, INFPs. if anything, we're too self-deprecating, and we should call shit out for what it is.

i don't know about you, but i've had a lot of experiences in my life where somebody would say something completely unwarranted, rude, and EXTREMELY insensitive. then that asshole gets mad at ME for expressing shock and anger. let me give you these real-life examples:

1) a high school acquaintance asked me to rate her looks, and not to BS the evaluation. i honestly told her that she had average looks that could be enhanced with makeup and better clothes. remember, she asked me sincerely to be honest with her, and i did her the favor. she then proceeds to say that i was absolutely hideous and that i was a sad sack of a human being. maybe she was not expecting my response, but i don't understand how that could lead her to say such a thing. can you? she reacted in a much more explosive and oversensitive way than i ever could, and i'm awfully certain that she was no INFP.

2) there were many so-called friends in the past who would constantly criticize me over a long period, and i would let it go. when i finally spoke up and told them to STFU and watch their mouth, THEY would be the ones getting overemotional by accusing me of being the asshole. some of them would even burst into tears and blubber away that i was lying. O RLY? trying to be rational with them and giving them specific examples of their behavior got me nowhere. in the end somehow I ended up being the douchebag. now i have a very keen radar that detects these types of people, and i stay very far away. no offense, but a lot of XSFJs fall into the category here. my mom does this a lot, and a friend i suspect is an ESFJ acts this way too.

3) people calling me racist names like chink, gook, oriental bastard... and when i told them that they needed to pipe down, they'd say, "You're being too sensitive. It's a joke!" meanwhile they and i both knew that they were not really kidding.

anyway, there are lots of examples, but i'm just giving a few big ones.



all i can say is that there are plenty of occasions where our anger and so-called sensitivity are TOTALLY OKAY.

end rant :)

[YellowAnt]

I had similar experiences in the past. I find that being clear about our values and boundaries can prevent lots issues w/ others. Do not let shit that bothers you slide. If we make this clear from the beginning, then no matter what happens afterwards, it is on them if they choose to cross it.

I've seen some T-doms around the forums making statements about how much of a cold-hearted-badass they are. I laugh, cause it's so ridiculous. Yea, just keep acting like that badass...one of these days you're shits gonna get pushed in and you won't know what hit you.

[whoawhere]

1) a high school acquaintance asked me to rate her looks, and not to BS the evaluation. i honestly told her that she had average looks that could be enhanced with makeup and better clothes. remember, she asked me sincerely to be honest with her, and i did her the favor. she then proceeds to say that i was absolutely hideous and that i was a sad sack of a human being. maybe she was not expecting my response, but i don't understand how that could lead her to say such a thing. can you? she reacted in a much more explosive and oversensitive way than i ever could, and i'm awfully certain that she was no INFP.

Sounds like a perfect example of people not really wanting what they say they want (for example, honesty). I think usually when people ask another person to evaluate them "honestly," what they really mean is that if you can honestly tell them what they want to hear, then be honest. But if it's not what they want to hear, they don't really want you to be honest. They'd rather you tell a flattering lie and insist it's the truth.

Those racist words people are saying certainly are not jokes. Except that some people consider belittling and humiliating others to be a "joke" against the other person. Pretty lousy.

[iinnffpp]

i think that actually INFPs can take criticism well compared to some other people i've seen. have you ever seen an NT being criticized? i have. both my brother and father are NT's, and they both absolutely can't handle criticism despite their expert-level skills at criticizing everybody else. many times they got physical. if that's how a rational person is supposed to react, then I must be God.

PS- using my family as examples is biased evidence, i know that. most NTs probably dont act like my brother and dad, but the non-family NTs i've known had a similar pattern of being unable to handle criticism while arrogantly dishing out criticisms of everybody else. what gives?

[paper lilies]

1) a high school acquaintance asked me to rate her looks, and not to BS the evaluation. i honestly told her that she had average looks that could be enhanced with makeup and better clothes. remember, she asked me sincerely to be honest with her, and i did her the favor. she then proceeds to say that i was absolutely hideous and that i was a sad sack of a human being. maybe she was not expecting my response, but i don't understand how that could lead her to say such a thing. can you? she reacted in a much more explosive and oversensitive way than i ever could, and i'm awfully certain that she was no INFP.

I have had similar experiences. However, the bulk of the universe are not INFP's and I find with the personalities that make up the general population- they all expect to hear what they want to hear. Questions like those are the ultimate mind trap. It's best not to fall into the game. Depending on the person that would ask me vanity-type questions, at least for me, I already knew the answer they wanted. So, I had two options: Tell them the honest truth or tell them what they wanted to hear with a cherry on top. I would choose a third route and peddle my little boots out of there. Nothing with a side of avoidance, please!

[Grac3]

I think everyone is sensitive in some way, INFPs are usually just more expressive of their sensitivity. I think the most sensitive people are probably the ones who deny that they themselves can be sensitive.

[LiquidLight]

i think that actually INFPs can take criticism well compared to some other people i've seen. have you ever seen an NT being criticized?

This is a good point. Because INFP's sensibilities of what is right or wrong, or good or bad come from within they can weather criticism when it comes fairly well because they have a strong internal constitution of values. The NTs (more specifically Ti-doms, this isn't a universal NT thing) who have inferior-Fe are hypersensitive and probably would break down in tears if pressed hard enough, because that is their touchiest spot.

I've some INFPs become outwardly defiant when someone says something that conflicts with a value.
INFP does not equal shy and sensitive, it means person of strong internal sensibilities.

[ForsakenMe]

i think that actually INFPs can take criticism well compared to some other people i've seen. have you ever seen an NT being criticized? i have. both my brother and father are NT's, and they both absolutely can't handle criticism despite their expert-level skills at criticizing everybody else.

This is amazing, one of my old boyfriends was an INTP/J and he would be downright rude to other people, but when I would jokingly poke fun at him, he gets incredibly butthurt over it.

My ISTJ father is very T-type, but he CANNOT stand it when I or other people tell him that he's wrong about something. He cannot stand it! It is against the law for him to be wrong, in his own eyes. It's so weird.

[wisdom]

My experience of INTJ females is that they're self-sensitive. I've met more than enough of them (self-identified INTJs) outside of Myers-Briggs forums.

[Master Wolf]

Yeah, being different is a motherfucking motherfucker!!!

But ultimately we end up with more empathy and character skill building techniques and discipline than anyone else in general.

We have a choice to go off the map and be content, or lead, eventually.

But in the earlier years, those that win are the inconsiderate ones.

Our culture is set up that way, as long as you dont admit being inconsiderate, they get away with it.