[PumpkinEater]

Hey there my fiends. i was pondering if you could provide some non-judgemental sorting of my thoughts. hahaha i haven't expressed these things to anybody and i'm really trying to figure myself out. i don't know what i want/ i suppose i'd like your thoughts. and advice. ok here i go. . . should i?. . . meh, i've written this much so far- why not?
Ok:
so as some of you may possibly know i'm a sophomore in highschool, 16 years old. and i have some sort of a freudian daddy issue complex which makes me only attracted to older men. like 28-ish and up. lol I'M SO WEIRD! anyways i have this slight crush on my teacher(he's like late 20's) and ik it's wicked bratty and chiche and stupid and whatever but i swear to god if he were a student i'd think he liked me back. ik you're thinking, "Ohhh how cute!" or "Ohhh, how nauseating!" But hear me out! i have proof!
--THE FOLLOWING NUMBERS ARE USELESS. JUST "PROOF"--
1. so a week or two ago we had to do class in an actual class room(normally in the gym. . .obviously) and he was showing the class different muscles and he kept using me as an example (touching me lightly too). i kept catching him glance at me. he was joking around with me alot. i was reading his body language and all of the signs he was giving definitely signify that he would have been interested in me
2. he always always teases me in class and trys to help me out with everything(weight lifting mostly). and ik he does that to the girls who are bad at gym and don't like to do stuff but i actually try in gym class.
3. he asked me to manage a team for him. he said "plus you'd get to spend a lot more time with me" and i said jokingly "I geuss that's do-able" and he looked kind of sad after that lol
4. whenever i'm absent he asks my friend about me
5. He always makes eyecontact with me and talks to me a lot.
Which brings me to my issue
the other day i was with my friend and she wanted to buy something that was a dollar and i didn't have any money on me, and i didn't have any. so i saw him and was like "He'll give us money!" and i didn't actually think he would but i went up to him and said "Hey mr...., do you perhaps have a dollar on you that you'd be willing to give to me?" and i'm giving my dramatic fake flirty face. and he's thinkin then i go "Cuz you love me so much and i'm tottaly your favorite." and he smirks, rubs his neck and says "It's not a matter of love it's weather or not i have the dollar." and he took us to his office, strangely enough only talking to my friend nervusly, handing me the dollar and of course i'm like 'Ohmygod thank you so much! you're amazing!" he looks kinda nervus and doesn't make eye contact and says "no problem have a good weekend!" and scuttles off. - - it seems as though whenever i'm outside of the classroom he doesn't like me much.

what do i make of this? and also what should i do in general? do you think he likes me? should i just push all of it off even though i kind of like him? or is it totally harmless if i like him because there's no way he likes me? tell me your thoughts!

[Acey]

I wont be judgmental..

i am thinking he might like you, maybe. But if you like him, I'd consider what would happen to him if any actions are taken on either side. He will lose his job, and will be blacklisted from becoming a teacher everywhere he goes, and he may even go to jail. His life will be destroyed. This is worse case scenario of course, but if you do like him, stay away from him until u graduate. He might be worth the wait, but definitely not worth the risk.

In summary, don't do anything, no matter how strong the signals. It can be a death sentence to him.

[Luke]

I think a pupil flirting with him would be quite scary, if his coworkers thought that he was reciprocating in anyway it could destroy his reputation. That's probably why he is so shy with you outside of class. But it could also be bad for you, if he was interested and decided to act on that interest he would be abusing his position in my opinion. I think in the end he would break your heart and probably cause some real damage to your life.

[Danielsearch]

Being a guy (23) and having been on the wrong side of that scenario, it is likely the case that he likes you, or at least likes the fact that you like him, because that kind of attention is exhilerating and sweet.

But it is important that you begin to look down the road a bit. Part of maturity is being able to make decisions with the end in mind. The consequences of your actions can lead to scenarios that could be so stressful on you as they would be damaging later. And to him, it could affect his current job, and many possible jobs in the future (See Penn State Scandal). Is he married? Does he have children?

All of these are expenses he needs to maintain and protect. It seems to me he is being a bit haphazard.

But no one is perfect. So I wouldn't hold it against him (unless it progresses to an inappropriate status), but I would keep things in perspective.

Flirting is fun, and I bet you are a cute girl ;)

Meet a cute guy your age and have fun.

P.S. I hope I didn't sound condescending. I don't mean to sound judgmental at all. I completely understand your feelings. I just think you should take this as a lesson as to how stupid men are, and how you'll likely have to be the maturer one in the relationship. My girlfriend can attest to that. I have so much drama its embarassing. But noting is so embarassing at PERC that you can't ask about it, especially in the INFP thread.

[PumpkinEater]

But it is important that you begin to look down the road a bit. Part of maturity is being able to make decisions with the end in mind. The consequences of your actions can lead to scenarios that could be so stressful on you as they would be damaging later. And to him, it could affect his current job, and many possible jobs in the future (See Penn State Scandal). Is he married? Does he have children?

All of these are expenses he needs to maintain and protect. It seems to me he is being a bit haphazard.

yes, i understand that it's incredibly important not to get over my head. i mean, the issue with me is that when it comes to before and after something happens, i'm smart, mature, and fairly wise. but then if anything were to ever happen i know i wouldn't stop it because of my father and the way things happened, i look to every man for aproval. like i need something from them. so i'm thinking that distance is the best situation. because i get so stupid sometimes. also if his life was destroyed i would never ever forgive myself, causing even more problems lol. i feel that i'm reading too much into this, but no, he has mentioned a few times that he's not married and that he has no children. and naww, your not condescending. sometimes it's only necessary :) thanks for such a great reply

[Danielsearch]

yes, i understand that it's incredibly important not to get over my head. i mean, the issue with me is that when it comes to before and after something happens, i'm smart, mature, and fairly wise. but then if anything were to ever happen i know i wouldn't stop it because of my father and the way things happened, i look to every man for aproval. like i need something from them. so i'm thinking that distance is the best situation. because i get so stupid sometimes. also if his life was destroyed i would never ever forgive myself, causing even more problems lol. i feel that i'm reading too much into this, but no, he has mentioned a few times that he's not married and that he has no children. and naww, your not condescending. sometimes it's only necessary :) thanks for such a great reply

I lost my mother at an early age. I have that desire too. But you've already proven you're mature. Distance is a good idea, but it's difficult. If you really want something and you think you shouldn't have it, you'll still try to get it.

If you have a close friend who you can confide in, and I do mean close, maybe even a family member (I'm thinking a cousin) or someone who doesn't go to school (because I'd hate for rumors to start flying), but if you can find someone close to confide in, it helps to keep yourself in check. Holding yourself accountable.

[Wellsy]

At my school there were teachers who were pretty friendly and really got along with the students but they kept a professional distance. They built a relationship with the class to push them to learn but they wouldn't meet them out of school and such. Even the boys, some lads would try on a guy teacher to come out for a drink. But he may well like you. As Acey said, probably best, if you really wish to pursue him, that you wait till you graduate and don't do anything too serious.
Just contiue as you have and maybe try not to wreck your brain over it. Because pretty sure its INFP's who romanticise people in their minds for long periods of time and if things dont go too smoothly, it wrecks.
Hope all goes well for you :)

[Inigo]

what do i make of this? and also what should i do in general? do you think he likes me? should i just push all of it off even though i kind of like him? or is it totally harmless if i like him because there's no way he likes me? tell me your thoughts!

I'll be frank with you.

It's very unlikely that he likes you in the sense that he wants a relationship with you.

But it is likely that he is sexually attracted to you. Hopefully he's a decent enough man not to act on it.

This is not a personal attack on you, but no twenty-something guy wants to date a 16 year old. If he did, that would be a tell-tale sign that he's someone to stay away from.

You know all that stereotypical stuff you hear about men wanting to have sex with every woman they see? Well, it's basically true.

The difference between an honorable man and a man-whore is not so much the amount of sexual desire they have – it's the amount of self-control they have.

Don't confuse a guy wanting to sleep with you for a guy that actually likes you. I'm not saying that you're not likable. I'm just saying that, unfortunately, some men will only be interested in you (and any or all women) for sex – so look out for that. This is not a reason to hate all men. Just understand this so you know to look for the good ones.

My recommendation for you would be to do nothing. Don't flirt with him. Don't pursue him. Nothing good could come of it. Don't try to have anything other than a normal, appropriate student-teacher relationship with him.

Wait until your 18 and in college and then you can date a professor or something. But even then, the problem you will face is that older man may want sex with a much younger woman, but the probably don't want a real relationship. But at least it will be legal and less taboo / creepy.

[Feral sheep]

I think a pupil flirting with him would be quite scary, if his coworkers thought that he was reciprocating in anyway it could destroy his reputation. That's probably why he is so shy with you outside of class. But it could also be bad for you, if he was interested and decided to act on that interest he would be abusing his position in my opinion. I think in the end he would break your heart and probably cause some real damage to your life.

this is what i was thinking as well.

[goldentryst]

It is unreasonable to want to pursuit anything 'genuine' with this teacher of yours.
Whether he likes you or not (or whether he likes you or likes you in a possibly sexual way), nothing really good can come out of this.

Let me just say this though...
The gap between teenagers (-18) and adults (21+) in regards to the mindset and thinking is huge.
Several years, even just three, may seem like nothing but it is something in how much a person's maturity/mind can develop within that time span. Basically, you can't assume anything about this man via your own guidelines of what you yourself believe to be the case. At least not for point-point.

To be honest, personally I think he may see you as a cute young girl. Something akin to precious; and he enjoys the way you act toward him because it is very cute and charming to him. However when he sees you outside of class... he does not want that. He's okay with all that inside the class while he's working his job, but not out.

It's confusing for me to explain, but you get the ideaa.

Overall... Sure, it's okay to keep... 'flirting' with your teacher if you want to and if you're cool with it. (Personally I'm all against those types of things, but it's you we're talking about here.) But there's always a small chance something regrettable may come up. You can nudge, you can bump shoulders, but the push and shove is always a slight possibility. Regardless of how romantic and deliciously forbidden the whole student-teacher relationship sounds in movies and novels--you're treading dangerous grounds.

Also...
@Inigo <-- this guy knows what's up.