[FleetFox]

I'm not sure if INFPs are supposed to be necessarily "romantic" but I like to think that is one of my qualities. But recently I have come to the conclusion that what I once believed was me being romantic is possibly "creepy" instead. Is being "romantic" really being like a stalker, or maybe (to put it less harshly) being "creepy"? Maybe I perceive myself as being romantic, but a girl of my desire perceives it as unwanted and then (to her) becomes therefore creepy and possibly even threatening.

Is it possible that being romantic could really on any given day also be "creepy" and really just depends on the person perceiving it? Or are people more fearful these days and prone to believing more things are "stalkerish"?

[CrusaderOfTheHeart]

I think it is just a matter of timing. Do all the traditional romantic moves too early and it will freak a lot of girls/women out. Do it too late and they think you don't care.Get the balance right and it's ...nice.

I think you are right about perceptions of stalking.For women sex and romance are inherently dangerous. They have a lot to lose compared to men, so the weirdo or stalker detectors are fully on or should be.

One persons stalking is another persons persistence. As an example I was seeing this girl and I text her 2 times in one week. One of my female friends thought that was stalking. Another female friend thought there was nothing wrong with that. I thought it was the latter. I think common sense and conscience determine the line between interest and stalking.

Just my 2c

[OrangeAppled]

Honestly, I love songs with stalker themes ....that idea of obsessive love sounds romantic, but you're right, in reality, it's just creepy. I'm not the kind to make grand gestures (because I am shy, for one), but I've been on the other end of someone who crossed the line of persistent, and it was not charming.

I think Crusader covered it pretty well. The romantic intensity shown needs to match the level of the relationship. When you're in a mutual relationship, then romantic gestures don't give off creepy vibes.
There are also boundaries that should be respected, such as: not calling/texting/emailing so much as to impose yourself on their life, not snooping for private info online, not continuing to pursue them when they've clearly rejected your attentions, etc.

And let's face it....persistent attention is only welcome when the attraction is returned. It's best to be cautious in your romantic gestures until you know how the other person feels towards you or you might scare them off. It's sad to have to be so guarded, but on the other hand, it's also important to realize that your feelings are not the only ones involved. There's definitely justification for women in particular to have paranoia about unwanted male attention. I admit to being skittish because of bad past experiences.

[snail]

I have trouble distinguishing between creepy and romantic when I am expressing my affection, and tend to automatically assume that other people are kind of like me, with an appreciation for intensity. They're not, though. I'm weird.
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[Kokos]

Well it's creepy when you start forgetting yourself too much in the favor of the other person who don't understand from where all that attention is coming ;x

[Ben]

I once had a crush on this dude, and I thought I expressed myself in a "subtly romantic" sort of way. He, in turn, called me a stalker.

Hope you don't mind that I'm not an INFP.

[SeeNbetween]

If you learn what is acceptable and learn to be subtle about it you'll be fine

[INFpharmacist]

Ummm... well... you can be romantic or creepy or whatever you wanna call it for a short period of time, but then after that though, you need to back off.

So for example:
If you like this girl and want to give her a ton of attention (assuming she likes you too), then you could call/text her for a while, send flowers, and hang out with her (or whatever you like to do), but then stop so that she can have time to catch her breath and think.

I feel like if a guy only does a little bit, then it makes him seem only half as interested. But if he goes out of his way a little more, then his intentions are more obvious.

So... basically... I think there's a point to which things can be taken before they have a negative effect.


And then there's always the exception: some girls like to be treated like crap, which means less is automatically better.

[justjessie]

thing is you really never know. the girl could be romanitc and enjoy the guesture of a rose on a first date, the next could think a rose is too intimate to share so soon. that's why, i always promote, taking things slow. Ask to hang out before you start to date. Get to know her. Then you'll get the gist of what kind of girl she is. maybe :)

In the end though. time is a really important factor. if you're getting ahead of yourself, you'll likely appear stalkerish, and she'll see you two arent on the same page. As a girl, she is the one being persued. it's natural order, and instinctually girls know why they are being chased. yes we all want a companion, but girls always consider "is this guy trying to get into my pants?". Well of course they are. And there's nothing wrong with that. thats just how things are. But if a girl sees a guy putting more into the relationship than has been expressed between the two of you interpersonaly, then it may appear as stalkerish, or as if youre looking for something you havent earned yet by trying to establish false intamacy. Or youll just appear desperate, and therefore unattractive, unless, they are as desperate as you are, and only if they honest about that fact with themselves. basically things get complicated pretty fast. basically your actions shoud match up with reality. a rose means love or "i want you to love me." a cute flirty note means "i'm interested in you" and love letter means "i took an hour out of my life and a whole lot of brain power to express my heart." some girls dig the whole rose on the first date, some dont but pretned they do because you're good looking, some just find it weird.

and yeah the media has done a fine job at making girls fear the over romantic type by portraying them as private stalker/serial killers. kind of sad.

but all in all take things slows, because when she says i love you and you say you love her, and you both mean it, youre free to be as romantic as you wish. that's way it should be. it's always so much effort a guy puts into the relationship early on so that he gets the girl, and then done deal, on comes the complacency. the chase is the exciting part, and being overly romantic about it is what we've learned from the media. but the natural way of things, love should grow, and so should the way you express that love. not fade out. THAT will keep you together.

anywho. sorry if i rambled. and i hope this makes sense. :/ :]

[CrusaderOfTheHeart]

I think ît's a misconception that taking it slow will filter out all stalkers though. I would say 99%. Sadly I know 2 girls/women who were victims of the worse kind of stalker - the patient ones.Not nice stories but they basically involved attempted murder, date rape and fraud.The men being utter scumbags.