I should really be doing my chem postlab, but I need to get this off my chest somehow, and I am hoping at least a few of my fellow INFPs can commiserate or at least see where see where I'm coming from on this issue, and maybe even posit some advice.
Lately, relationships have been a common theme in my life -- and I'm not even in one. Everyone around me, all of my close friends (except, ironically, my ex!) are in some type of relationship: abusive, punch-drunk-love-new, or settled in an old one (this one is okay by me -- less drama, and I am friends with my friend's girlfriend more or less). I'm at an age where everyone (my age) is discovering it, but I'm pretty jaded about the whole topic by now, and I don't really want to be in a relationship myself at this point in my life. I really don't have the time or emotional energy to spare for it, and I just see it as kind of futile and pointless in the end, though the idealist in me really wishes it weren't so.
A little backstory I should mention: I ultimately want to end up working in psychiatry or some kind of psychobiology-related field, so I'm pretty fascinated by people, their thoughts, and their relationships (platonic and others) with others, and things related to that. I tend to listen to my friends' problems and act as a psychologist without realizing it, and unfortunately, lately, it's been all relationship drama the past few months, both good and bad.
That's all well and good, to a point... and that point is, after literally my four closest/most regular friends all come to me with some kind of relationship-related drama, and nothing else, for months on end. I lost a very close friend to this (albeit flaky and shallow) kind of behavior, where she literally would not talk about anything else but her boyfriend and almost completely ignore anything I said unrelated to that, for months. When she called me to talk, she'd always be talking to him in the background, or talking about him. She could even go on and ramble without noticing I was totally mum on the issue and not saying anything, and even being kind of rude to purposely see if she would notice. I warned her in the past that if it continued, I would stop speaking to her and stop investing my time and emotional attachment into someone that would not return any of it back to me in any way, I would stop speaking to her, and I basically made good on my promise, although it pained me. There was no friendship left to be had there, and she had basically lost all of her life to her relationship by quitting college and losing all of her other friends.
Although that's a bit of an extreme example, and I know the rest of my friends are not this bad, it still kind of breaks my heart. I try to be happy for them or support them, but it's pretty difficult for me to watch them do something I can't seem to do well ("love" someone and devote my time to them entirely), so I end up seeming distant or callous. I know they won't abandon me for their fleeting relationships like that one person I knew, but I still miss them. I really wish I had more single friends.
I feel like I can't find a happy medium, and I can't find a way to be single and introverted in society. There is no need to be in a relationship, especially not all the time, but I see it so much, and I see so many codependent girls in the world, and I just find them absolutely pathetic. Although my friends aren't like that right now, I'm worried like hell they may turn into that extreme example of codependency above. Only recently (2 years or so) have I grown to adore them, and we've become pretty close, but I am worried they will change. They're already starting to go the way of the old friend of mine by paying more attention to their drama and relationships than their easy schoolwork and such, while I'm busting my ass, miserable, and lonely, trying to pass in my difficult major in my elitist college. Another thing funny observation: I know no codependent guys. I am actually having a much easier time with my guy friends, especially since they aren't shoving their relationships in my face all the time, or at least, they do it a lot less. That's kind of besides the point, though.
I just am kind of at a loss. A pretty level-headed guy friend of mine gave me the advice of just letting my friend who just entered a relationship calm down and be drunk for a while, but I see no sign of her slowing down anytime soon, and I'm not the only one in our group who seems to not want to listen to it. With the way things are going, I am just wanting to swear off social interaction and go live in my head entirely for the most part again like I did in high school, but I'd rather not... please, any advice on how to deal with this? :sad:
Lately, relationships have been a common theme in my life -- and I'm not even in one. Everyone around me, all of my close friends (except, ironically, my ex!) are in some type of relationship: abusive, punch-drunk-love-new, or settled in an old one (this one is okay by me -- less drama, and I am friends with my friend's girlfriend more or less). I'm at an age where everyone (my age) is discovering it, but I'm pretty jaded about the whole topic by now, and I don't really want to be in a relationship myself at this point in my life. I really don't have the time or emotional energy to spare for it, and I just see it as kind of futile and pointless in the end, though the idealist in me really wishes it weren't so.
A little backstory I should mention: I ultimately want to end up working in psychiatry or some kind of psychobiology-related field, so I'm pretty fascinated by people, their thoughts, and their relationships (platonic and others) with others, and things related to that. I tend to listen to my friends' problems and act as a psychologist without realizing it, and unfortunately, lately, it's been all relationship drama the past few months, both good and bad.
That's all well and good, to a point... and that point is, after literally my four closest/most regular friends all come to me with some kind of relationship-related drama, and nothing else, for months on end. I lost a very close friend to this (albeit flaky and shallow) kind of behavior, where she literally would not talk about anything else but her boyfriend and almost completely ignore anything I said unrelated to that, for months. When she called me to talk, she'd always be talking to him in the background, or talking about him. She could even go on and ramble without noticing I was totally mum on the issue and not saying anything, and even being kind of rude to purposely see if she would notice. I warned her in the past that if it continued, I would stop speaking to her and stop investing my time and emotional attachment into someone that would not return any of it back to me in any way, I would stop speaking to her, and I basically made good on my promise, although it pained me. There was no friendship left to be had there, and she had basically lost all of her life to her relationship by quitting college and losing all of her other friends.
Although that's a bit of an extreme example, and I know the rest of my friends are not this bad, it still kind of breaks my heart. I try to be happy for them or support them, but it's pretty difficult for me to watch them do something I can't seem to do well ("love" someone and devote my time to them entirely), so I end up seeming distant or callous. I know they won't abandon me for their fleeting relationships like that one person I knew, but I still miss them. I really wish I had more single friends.
I feel like I can't find a happy medium, and I can't find a way to be single and introverted in society. There is no need to be in a relationship, especially not all the time, but I see it so much, and I see so many codependent girls in the world, and I just find them absolutely pathetic. Although my friends aren't like that right now, I'm worried like hell they may turn into that extreme example of codependency above. Only recently (2 years or so) have I grown to adore them, and we've become pretty close, but I am worried they will change. They're already starting to go the way of the old friend of mine by paying more attention to their drama and relationships than their easy schoolwork and such, while I'm busting my ass, miserable, and lonely, trying to pass in my difficult major in my elitist college. Another thing funny observation: I know no codependent guys. I am actually having a much easier time with my guy friends, especially since they aren't shoving their relationships in my face all the time, or at least, they do it a lot less. That's kind of besides the point, though.
I just am kind of at a loss. A pretty level-headed guy friend of mine gave me the advice of just letting my friend who just entered a relationship calm down and be drunk for a while, but I see no sign of her slowing down anytime soon, and I'm not the only one in our group who seems to not want to listen to it. With the way things are going, I am just wanting to swear off social interaction and go live in my head entirely for the most part again like I did in high school, but I'd rather not... please, any advice on how to deal with this? :sad: