[ThirdArcade]

Hey INFPs,



This from a recent convo I had with an INFP that I have been interested in for the last 2 months. I am confused mostly about the bold part & would like some interpretation. Situation is long and difficult to explain... just looking for some meaning behind the bold statement * if their truly is any *

Thanks!


Me: Ok. Let me put it simply: I like you. There And that's what I've been trying to say all along. Now please tell me how you feel as directly as possible.

INFP: That was direct. I think right now I'm just best as a friend.

Me: Totally appreciate the directness. Cool. Relief. :)

INFP: Cool.

Me: Sorry if I made things uncomfortable. Kind of had to clear things up.

INFP: No problem. I wasn't uncomfortable at all.

Me: Ok cool. I wouldn't want that. Now I feel 99% less awkward. 1% still awkward cause I am just an awkward person haha. Sorry if I made you feel bad in anyway.

INFP: Nope. Not at all. Don't worry about it.

Me Ok. Friends it is.

INFP: Cool.

Me: I appreciate that, actually. Cool. :) Ttyl.

INFP: Ttyl

Me: Hmmm as an aside. This doesn't mean I'll stop liking you just means I'll manage those feelings in a different way way now that I know where you stand.
Ya, that's all. You can ask or add anything you want if you like.

INFP: Ok cool.

[Bago]

I feel for you. I am at that stage too. lol. Sigh. I'm drawing back too.

I read somewhere that women are like ovens and men are like blowtorches. Darn right.
Well, it is time for this oven to cool down.. and when I am cooled, then I normally shut the door. Otherwise it will interfere with my life. I used to think that it was harsh but I suppose in those clarity moments, it is the way for things to be too. Until you absolutely replace this person with someone new in your life and then you move on etc. It then just becomes a "it was what it was" moment.

Or this can be a slow thing. i.e. you slowly lose your feelings for this person. Or it can remain as friends.

By the way, it can drag on as well... cos your emotions for the person will build up, but then there gets to a cut off point and it will plateau, and then you will have to cut out this person from your life too. When this happens, you will hang on for longer, and it should not happen, cos then you cannot move forward.

[JenovaProject]

Well, I would say it means just what it says. He/she sees your relationship as friendship right now.

[Wheelie]

Man, that is awkward!

I suppose its kind of pointless to ask if he thought he was into you. But then he said "I think RIGHT NOW I'm just best as a friend"

But what does that mean!? RIGHT NOW?! what about a couple moments later, a few minutes, or maybe a week, perhaps a year, or when you find someone else.

Sorry, I'm stirring the pot now. I reckon there's always a way into INFP's heart. If I were the INFP I'd start avoiding you because I wouldn't want you to have a false sense of hope if I weren't into you (i.e. to lead you on). But if I did like you, I'd like to take it slow and let my emotions lead me, and perhaps thats what he wants, he did say you were really direct (which is hot in my opinion).

Personally a friend is a great potential for a romantic relationship.

[Lad]

You guys say "cool" too often :P

Either way, I'm more bothered by the fact that he didn't compliment you in some way or validate your feelings properly. This may be based on disinterest or being socially retarded. For me, it's inexcusable.

As for the bold, it's too hard to glean any accurate insight into it unless you know the mental track he's on.

In the grand scheme, If you want my personal opinion, I've never been optimistic based on any of the threads you've made w/ the tidbits you've thrown in. He hasn't expressed enough romantic interest whatsoever, at this point. Perhaps in time that will change, but it's not something to put yourself on hold for.

[bigtalljay]

I'm sure I don't understand this with the depth that you, since you actually know this person. All I can gather from the surface of how that conversation went is that he is not interested in you that way. Now who knows exactly why he chose to include "right now" in his reply. Maybe he is open to the idea, but just not now. Or maybe he doesn't ever foresee being interested, but that was a way to soften the blow. Most of his answers seemed dismissive, like they denoted the end of the conversation. From my limited knowledge on this situation, I'd say try not to hold on to hope that he'll decide to like you, ever. I've been in a similar situation lately and I can tell you confidently that it will not be easy and that it is going to hurt.

I sound terrible. Ugghhh. To hope or not to hope. That is a battle I fight a lot. And I think it hurts either way.

Assuming that this guy values your friendship, stick to that, but you may have to distance yourself a little bit for a clear head and the ability to be distracted from your interest in him. Try to look elsewhere. I'm attempting to do the same thing right now.

I really hope I am wrong about your situation. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find the guy you are looking for.

[ThirdArcade]

But what does that mean!? RIGHT NOW?! what about a couple moments later, a few minutes, or maybe a week, perhaps a year, or when you find someone else.

Yeah, that is exactly what I was thinking when I read that!

But if I did like you, I'd like to take it slow and let my emotions lead me, and perhaps thats what he wants, he did say you were really direct (which is hot in my opinion). Personally a friend is a great potential for a romantic relationship.

Perhaps. I am going to do as most suggested: do not contact him. I figure if he wants to open that door he can do it. I've done my level best at this point.

Glad to think that is a "hot" quality. Direct is my style of communication!

[ThirdArcade]

Either way, I'm more bothered by the fact that he didn't compliment you in some way or validate your feelings properly. This may be based on disinterest or being socially retarded. For me, it's inexcusable.

@Lad, your insight really stood out to me. I felt he didn't validate my feelings properly. I think even a friend should validate the other friend's feelings properly. It is of course inexcusable.

for the bold, it's too hard to glean any accurate insight into it unless you know the mental track he's on.

He wants freedom...freedom....freedom. I guess that what is happens when you get out of a miserable relationship. I'll have to tell myself to let go, otherwise I will miss other opportunities that come my way because I am 'hung up' on some idealized, imagined view that we will one day be together. I've accepted that this will never be the case. In doing this, I won't be 'holding out' even at a subconscious level. By creating that distance, I'll be able to move on.

He hasn't expressed enough romantic interest whatsoever, at this point. Perhaps in time that will change, but it's not something to put yourself on hold for.

Don't totally agree with the first. Though, I do agree with the second. I won't be putting myself on hold. I don't think he is either.

[ThirdArcade]

Most of his answers seemed dismissive, like they denoted the end of the conversation. From my limited knowledge on this situation, I'd say try not to hold on to hope that he'll decide to like you, ever. I've been in a similar situation lately and I can tell you confidently that it will not be easy and that it is going to hurt.

I appreciate your honesty. I've decided not to hold on, but simply let go. I will stop contacting him. If he initiates contact, great, if not he is not interested in anything at all & was simply putting that friends idea as away to soften the blow so to speak.

Today was a difficult day. I'll move ahead. I need to know that I am worth more than this. Trouble is, I feel very accomplished in all other aspects of my life (school, professional development, friends, family, travel etc) though companionship is something I truly long for. It is funny that this is the one thing I have no control over...

Letting go will be the healthiest option.

Assuming that this guy values your friendship, stick to that, but you may have to distance yourself a little bit for a clear head and the ability to be distracted from your interest in him. Try to look elsewhere. I'm attempting to do the same thing right now.

I really hope I am wrong about your situation. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find the guy you are looking for.

Thanks. I hope for nothing whereas this situation goes. Agreed, I have decided to put a distance between the two of us. I am a busy person (aren't we all?) with school, volunteer, work and other relationship commitments I have enough on my plate at the moment. In fact, I've been slacking a bit due to all the attention I have given this situation. Right now, I am exhausted & wanting to focus on other aspects of my life that at least have some certain outcomes based on the effort, dedication & hardwork I'll put into them. This situation, unfortunately doesn't.

[Acey]

That never happens to us INFP males in real life lol.