INFP help please - idealist with no ideal

**Modesty** · 09-08-2011 01:45 PM

I've had a pretty lame time in high school, looking back I can maybe guess at why I never had a girlfriend and all that, but the only time I've seen someone not get along or fit in anywhere despite looks, background, or personality was when they had a big outsider complex. I've got much more in common with the foreign kid.

I feel like I haven't got anything to offer and I'm unsure about what I should even do in life. I'm sure that they're just not my type of people when the most common answer you'd get for how they spend their weekends would be Xbox, Facebook, getting "f****d up", or loitering. It's just not me.

Even worse, everyone remotely interesting grows and becomes somebody very likable, and usually moved out of the district. But the lesser of us end up posting questions on the internet. How does one figure out what he wants in life and get over the outsider complex?

**Decay153** · 09-08-2011 01:54 PM

Mhm ideally things would be different...

It's tough getting yourself out of that train of thought. I just try to do what I do, and hope I'm not the only outsider inside of this place. I think I've been proven right a good variety of times. Just keep an open mind and don't take people for granted. They're not all a part of the dumb-teen culture machine. Many actually feel very trapped by such limitations. I would say don't compromise your values and try not to over-think things and you should be pretty well off.

And you should really try loitering some time. It's good fun with a couple of friends.

**Modesty** · 09-08-2011 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by Decay153

Mhm ideally things would be different...

It's tough getting yourself out of that train of thought. I just try to do what I do, and hope I'm not the only outsider inside of this place. I think I've been proven right a good variety of times. Just keep an open mind and don't take people for granted. They're not all a part of the dumb-teen culture machine. Many actually feel very trapped by such limitations. I would say don't compromise your values and try not to over-think things and you should be pretty well off.

And you should really try loitering some time. It's good fun with a couple of friends.

I don't understand what you're saying.

**Decay153** · 09-08-2011 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by Carbineer Kenny

I don't understand what you're saying.

Oh, well give people a chance and try to live like you would want to.

**ericajoy** · 09-08-2011 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by Carbineer Kenny

I'm sure that they're just not my type of people when the most common answer you'd get for how they spend their weekends would be Xbox, Facebook, getting "f****d up", or loitering. It's just not me.

How do you like to spend your time?

**CynicallyNaive** · 09-08-2011 08:01 PM

I just had to reply because your thread title resonated so much with me. Even in my late 30s, i'm an idealist in search of an ideal. Or maybe in search of a worthy ideal, one to which to devote my considerable (yes! I can say it!) abilities without leaving my cynical after a year or two.

Anyway, don't give up, and certainly don't settle for less. Just keep trying stuff, keep searching.

**Lad** · 09-08-2011 08:07 PM

If you're still in high school, a lot of people severely lack an identity in that time frame and are primarily focused on just having fun or mindless activities. "Finding" yourself in this phase isn't something I'd be an advocate for, simply because you've really just been stuck under someones thumb since you were 5 (pre school -> present) and are far less likely to make a choice you'll be happy with in the long-term.

The 20's are usually the time to shine for most people in terms of finding an identity and making educated commitments. In terms of University, you are forced to take electives in a variety of fields for any type of degree you get, so not knowing what you want to major in isn't necessarily a sin early on :D.

As for a career, on average, people swap careers 3 times in their life. Lots of people also end up with degrees unrelated to their career choice.

My advice:
If you have trouble fitting in, consider volunteering so you get life / "work" experience and you honestly get to meet the most interesting and accepting people imaginable.

**rlong007** · 09-08-2011 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by Carbineer Kenny

I feel like I haven't got anything to offer and I'm unsure about what I should even do in life.

This I feel I can relate with for sure! You've just described what haunted me from the age of 16 to 27! This feeling as if I had no purpose and nothing to offer and no idea what I wanted to do with my life destroyed my confidence in myself and screwed with me creating an adult identity. I opted to get some post-secondary experience and ended up at a job for seven years that felt extremely empty and unfulfilling, but I just did not know what else I could do where I would feel fulfilled.

I love the idea of volunteering that @Lad mentioned. Even if its not necessarily something you're interested in its surprising how things like that can affect you and bring about realizations within your life.

I would recommend trying out some occupation exams and consider each option carefully. Nursing was always #1 or 2 in my results from those tests ever since I was 16 and it took me another 12 or so years to realize that that was what I really wanted to do. I never gave it a second thought at 16 as I believed nursing was a female job at the time.

I would also attempt to identify what general ideals inspire you and make you happy. Helping others? Creating things? Fixing things? Repairing social injustice?

I'll second @ericajoy's question: How do you like to spend your time?

I'm a firm believer that if you feel passionate about your occupation, you will always have something to offer. Just a matter of figuring out what the heck to do with your life career-wise. Not a simple task!