[firedell]

My good friend is an INFP, and recently I have been hearing he does like me more than a friend, not from himself, he is too afraid. He told my best friend when he was drunk, and another friend of his told me when I asked her if it was true. It's pretty obvious when I really think about it.
Anyway, I don't like the guy in that way, he is lovely, sweet and everything you want a boyfriend to be, but there is no spark. If... and I doubt it, but he could possibly tell me, how do I let him down without hurting his feelings, from your experience?
Because he likes me it is stopping me from having a relationship with his best friend, because his best friend doesn't want to hurt his feelings. (Bro's before hoe's crap)

[babblingbrook]

Very difficult situation... I don't know how deep his feelings are. What would you do? I'd say you make an appointment somewhere, and talk this out with him. Tell him it's not going to work and give him reasonable arguments. You'll probably hurt his feelings, but I guess it's best to confront him. He's probably somewhere in fantasy world, you'd better pull him out of it fast. If his feelings are very deep (which I think is likely) I'm not sure it's good for him to stay friends with you anymore, at least for some time, especially if you're running away with his best friend! That sucks. Sorry to say this...

[Lucretius]

My good friend is an INFP, and recently I have been hearing he does like me more than a friend, not from himself, he is too afraid. He told my best friend when he was drunk, and another friend of his told me when I asked her if it was true. It's pretty obvious when I really think about it.
Anyway, I don't like the guy in that way, he is lovely, sweet and everything you want a boyfriend to be, but there is no spark. If... and I doubt it, but he could possibly tell me, how do I let him down without hurting his feelings, from your experience?
Because he likes me it is stopping me from having a relationship with his best friend, because his best friend doesn't want to hurt his feelings. (Bro's before hoe's crap)

It's tougher when he hasn't communicated it to you already, because now any perceived "direct" actions you take could result in embarrassment and a sense that his friends have betrayed him...

Here's some ridiculous ideas for you:

1. As an Intuitive, are you able to charge your words with an emotion? This is a common (but not universal) trait that we have. If so, charge things you say to him with: "brotherly love," "detachment." Essentially acknowledge him politely, but don't be too friendly.

2. Never let your eyes linger on him too long for any reason, or anything else that could be misinterpreted as interest.

3. Talk openly about other men that you may find attractive, or character traits that he definitely does not possess. Make sure you treat it like you have no idea it has anything to do with him though. Even suggest potential love interests for him in a friendly, average manner, if you're aware of any possibilities.


I don't even know if any of that will work. I know it's really passive...but that's how I think. I'm an INFP after all.

BUT...if you want to just bring it up and risk the awkwardness/sadness...it's likely to be quicker and more effective. So IF it comes to that, do it like this:

Run it by him quickly, assertively, politely, and nonchalantly. Do NOT be overly careful, timid, sensitive, or present that "walking-on-eggshells-for-the-girly-boy" attitude. This produces the opposite of the intended effect - it makes the event far more significant and emotionally charged.

I hope I made some bit of sense. Bleh.

[firedell]

Very difficult situation... I don't know how deep his feelings are. What would you do? I'd say you make an appointment somewhere, and talk this out with him. Tell him it's not going to work and give him reasonable arguments. You'll probably hurt his feelings, but I guess it's best to confront him. He's probably somewhere in fantasy world, you'd better pull him out of it fast. If his feelings are very deep (which I think is likely) I'm not sure it's good for him to stay friends with you anymore, at least for some time, especially if you're running away with his best friend! That sucks. Sorry to say this...

I know his feelings are deep for me, unfortunately. I'm not running off with his best friend ;p. Me and his best friend have liked each other for ages, and he knows this, and we the both of us are scared to even tell him anything about the two of us.

[babblingbrook]

I know his feelings are deep for me, unfortunately. I'm not running off with his best friend ;p. Me and his best friend have liked each other for ages, and he knows this, and we the both of us are scared to even tell him anything about the two of us.

Good to hear, that must ease the pain for him. Now I think it's a good thing you start a relationship with his best friend. I mean he already knows you two are close, so it's not a big step to take. If you two are in a relationship he knows his borders and he will be more realistic and clear in his expectations of you. I still think it's good to talk this out with him though, I guess it won't a very awkward situation since he secretly knows you prefer someone else. I'm sure it's best you talk to him about it and not his best friend. Start out by telling him you're suspicious of his feelings towards you. Best of luck.

[Lucretius]

I know his feelings are deep for me, unfortunately. I'm not running off with his best friend ;p. Me and his best friend have liked each other for ages, and he knows this, and we the both of us are scared to even tell him anything about the two of us.

If he knows that you two like each other, he should already be prepared for the possibility that you two will establish a relationship. He has allowed himself to invest too much energy in an infatuation, something INFPs are prone to unfortunately.

Only way out of this is with a talking-to. Again, phrase it and deliver it carefully to minimize the damage, but it looks like this can't be resolved perfectly.

[Jennywocky]

Yeah, IFPs are flexy, and INFPs get a lot out of a little, going by the ebb and flow of the relationship and adjusting his expectations to it. So probably what you can do (as others have said) in order to get the point across without a direct slap-down (which could definitely feel like a violation by his friends, who revealed his interest) is simply to (1) shut off any data he could use to imagine that you might be interested in something more and (2) show him the ship has gone past the port, by moving things along / showing overt interest in your other friend.

He might never ever even mention his infatuation to you, he would probably just internalize it all, make the adjustments, and move ahead and accommodate things.

That level of daydream and elaborate fantasy on his part has nothing wrong with it inherently, and don't read too much into it; he's exploring things in his head but if the external world changes, he'll most likely let it change.

[whisperycat]

I agree with Babblingbrook ... INFPs are good at un-requited love. You should follow your heart, because you can't put your world on hold indefintiely. Waiting for his feelings to pass is not a good idea... there's always the chance he's the type of *NF* who will still hold a burning torch for you in 10 years time It's unlikely he'd ever say anything to you first, indeed, he probably dreams of the day when you unexpectedly confess your hitherto secret, undying Love for him. If you start going out with his friend you'll proably find a hand-written, from-the-heart letter from him, on your door mat one morning, no doubt deleiverd at 5am after he's spent 3 heart-wrenching hours walking round a wood or standing on a beach.

No amount of hints will do the trick, he has tuned negative-hints out of the perceptional filter. If you do go out with his friend he may swallow his pain and make the bestest effort to be 'neutral', acting like a friend but dying inside whenever the three of you are in the same place at the same time.

This can go on for an unknown amount of time and then one day he'lll wake up and it'll be as if he turned into somebody else overnight. All that need and longing and anguish will have spontaneously evaporated.

I hope this pans out well for all of you,whatever happens

[Thracius]

tell him to read my guide here

Guide to getting girls, minus the lying and expenditures

[red riding hood]

I am having a similar problem right now, but not sure about my friends personality type, any way, some one else gave me some good advice, they said to enlist the help of one of his male friends to help him understand that he needs to let go of you, now the guy you are interested in would not be a good person to ask help from, but maybe another guy that could help him understand might be able to help more, maybe another guy that has had the same situation and overcome it, would be able to help guide him more, oh and be honest and set clear defined boundaries with him.