[Wanderlust94]

A few random thoughts with no relation to each other. I hate it when you feel like you pour your soul and heart out only to be ignored at best and at worst harshly criticized. I was thinking how artists deal with it. Sometimes there is just plain bad art and nothing can make it better really. To bare yourself and be rejected though must suck. Unless you purposely wanted to piss people off with what you said or did as in pure exploitative shock art. I think those artists are rare though. They might be increasing and that thought disturbs me a little bit. The whole bare your soul idea though doesn't have to be only art though. It can be anything. I hear of many good INFPs who just can't seem to find a welcoming place and it's sad.

I am a little upset at what Disney is doing. They are changing their classic cartoon characters so they look more fashionable and can fit into designer clothing. Fuck that. Suppose I can't get upset over cartoons though. At least not much.

There is a god. Jersey shore is getting canceled after this season. The cast probably doesn't care though. They're laughing all the way to the bank. They are each paid $150,000 dollars per episode. Spoiled brats and whores.

I absolutely hate it when a girl rejects me and says she isn't ready to date yet, and the next day or two is hooking up with another guy. Rejection is whatever, but don't make up a lame ass excuse such as I need more time and then start dating a day later.



I just read where a priest says that children are the ones seducing the clergy which leads to these scandals and he called Sandusky a poor man in that regard. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. How does someone think that? Children can't seduce. Even if they did, it's the priest's fault they acted on that sick urge. There are no excuses for that kind of behavior. They are the ones at fault for their crimes. PERIOD.

The world may have to go vegetarian by 2050 according to scientists. The water crisis is worsening and cannot keep up with human population growth. Livestock can't be maintained and we will have to severely limit meat intake.

I am thankful for the nostalgia trip I get when I visit Toonami Aftermath. That and it's back on Adult Swim. I think other than the shows that it played was I loved the music. That ambient techno.

I think my stream is about dried up for now... I guess I'm just kind of tired and melancholy today. I'll leave for now with a song that makes me kind of think of a paradise and that thought makes me feel kind of feel giddy. I know I've been posting more videos with everything lately, but music is starting to speak in ways that I've never felt before...



The mellow mood of the song contrasted with the stormy sea is a little odd, but nice.

[Bago]

So today, I have a department meeting, and once again, I feel like this bad person for saying some of the things that I do. Never mind the fact that I am an INFP, I felt even more alienated than ever before. I came to the realisation that a lot of people come from different backgrounds, perspectives, and understanding. We seems to be in a situation of "the blind leading the blind". Today, I had to fight my corner, and stood my ground to define what is a "core test". A lot of people can say a lot of things, and kind of BS their way through unless you are angry. I think the dept is full of xNFx !! But, we seems to be lacking a lot of technical xNTx knowledge, and nobody seems to want to do this kind of work, cos they seems to want to pat each other on their back, without appreciation of the financial risk of some of their decisions. I feel like the meanie for calling them incompetent, but then again, why would some people not really acknowledge or "fear" the result of their decision making ?

I am starting to feel like the girl who cries wolf. Or that people does not seem to want to listen at all... If there is a financial position within the Finance team, then I would join and I will take it ! For definite !

I feel like a fake.... because now I realised how much system knowledge I know, and I used to hate myself for not knowing enough because I believed the other people than they would believe me.... It's so important to find someone who believes in you, and also allow you to grow too, and support that growth.

I sense my current manager only cares about the knowledge that he has and came from because he used to be an accountant, but now he doesn't even care about IT and systems, cos well... How can I blame him when he just also wants to achieve targets and do the stats for the sake of it, than to do a really good job and reduce the financial risk of the company ???

Now I come to realise how some of my older managers used tactics to get rid of people who does not agree with them and so forth, because they wish to maintain the power and the position, even though they would be at risk also... Social engineering should really be the term used for most managers who has never worked their way up the career chain.... I find that there is a lot of blind leading the blind happening, and a lot of people who would just do their job and be done with etc....

I am quite angry actually at knowing, and being manipulated by the agent who got me this job, who then also got a double deal out of recruiting someone else who leaves this company into another consultancy company, which I wanted to join. I am so disappointed.... now I know why that agent is SO happy at finding me ! Saying the right keywords, and saying the right things will often get you the job.

Now I know why I got "reprimanded" once when I commented at how much the company has wasted money in its developments because basically there are a lot of people watching each other's backs, and some people were indeed jealous or threatened, and therefore kind of played the political game and to take each other out....

[RetroVortex]

I'm still pretty down over my laptop being broken.
I tried changing it's CPU earlier in hopes that would fix it, however it does not appear to have worked... :'(
(exact same CPU as well so I know compatibility is not am issue. Heh, I'm just glad it was only 20 pound for the part)

[amethyst_butterfly]

I have been feeling anxious about many things and I am not feeling well. I am angry for no apparent reason but I believe is because my period is soon approaching.


There are a couple of things that are bothering me at work which are very small but they are interrupting my ability to concentrate and is making me very anxious.


It bothers me that I am doing all I can to do a good job and my superiors are not giving me any words of encouragement. A doctor evaluates my job daily with a quality control sheet. (The ratings from highest to lowest are: Excellent, Very Good, Good and Satisfactory. She rarely gives an excellent rating even to my supervisor who has worked with her for many years. It must be something out of this world for her. In the past months she has given me "Very Good" ratings most of the time. Now in the past month things have changed and all she gives me is "Good" and a few times "Satisfactory". I really don't know what is going on because I am not doing anything different.


She once told me something that was wrong and now I am trying to avoid the problem but she still finds fault in my work but doesn't tell me nothing about it. I think is because she wants my job done faster which is ridiculous because the evaluation isn't suppose to judge that. I cannot do my job faster without any help. I take this evaluations too personally.


I once did a search on google and I stumbled on this forum about people talking about my profession. Someone said that is an unrewarding job because the doctors are never pleased with anything you do and are always finding faults at everything but at least be thankful that you have a job.


I completely agreed with this comment. Then someone replied saying that at least he is not working in certain profession where things are worse and that what matters in the end is that you saving someone's life.


I also agreed with this. I shouldn't be expecting good evaluations and words of encouragement form this people who have many issues in their lives but a simple "Good job" can make so much difference in me.

[Ardent Lunacy]

I think I'm going to start writing again. Try to, anyway. The last time I wrote the prose dancing inside my head, I was so appalled I never posted it. God, I'm rusty. That or the Fibrofog is getting me worse as time goes on. I can barely remember things from last week, much less the words I'm not using. On the way home from my appointment tomorrow, I'm going to pick up a notebook and some pens. No, I don't have any. That's how long it's been since I've written. I found my old one... and promptly threw it out. I was afraid of what I'd written at the start of the summer and my emotions are tangled enough. I'll grab two. One as a journal, so you guys don't have to listen to me whine anymore. Even though I know you're lost without me, heh. The other to work on my ideas and such. I want to write. To be a novelist. To get something published before I die. Damn it, I've got to try.

I've been doing a lot of thinking since I heard from her. I really should thank her. She told me a lot of things that were wrong with me. She hurt me so much, but I learned even more. Like how fickle my emotions truly are and how weak I am when it comes to some things. I know I have to be more careful than what I was from now on. She was a good friend, once upon a time. We both ruined that. My guilt complex wants to shoulder all the blame and my outrage wants to throw it all on her. I think I'll let the two balance it out. Though, I'm beginning to rethink my entire life plan. I don't know if I'd make a good therapist, not anymore. My emotions are, as mentioned, too fickle and my personality too damaged to truly help someone in a professional manner. I don't even have the comforting words I could pull out of my ass anymore. I think I pulled too much out of my ass and got caught with my own shit. After psychology, I thought maybe I could be a teacher. I don't have the patience for that shit. If I taught Elementary School, I'd kill myself. If I taught Middle School, I'd kill a student. If I taught High School, I'd kill everyone. I've got time, I guess. I'm taking a year off before College for my health. I'll figure it out by Spring.

As for personal stuff, my friend wants me to make a new Tumblr. What in God's name would I write about? This is a serious question I would like an answer to. Not rhetorical. What do I have to share with the world? I could post random bullshit like he does, but that doesn't interest me. Is there anything I have to write about worth reading?

[amethyst_butterfly]

I read about the Disney character thing the other day and I think is pathetic. I prefer the original characters that look happier, healthier and less vain.

A few random thoughts with no relation to each other. I hate it when you feel like you pour your soul and heart out only to be ignored at best and at worst harshly criticized. I was thinking how artists deal with it. Sometimes there is just plain bad art and nothing can make it better really. To bare yourself and be rejected though must suck. Unless you purposely wanted to piss people off with what you said or did as in pure exploitative shock art. I think those artists are rare though. They might be increasing and that thought disturbs me a little bit. The whole bare your soul idea though doesn't have to be only art though. It can be anything. I hear of many good INFPs who just can't seem to find a welcoming place and it's sad.

I am a little upset at what Disney is doing. They are changing their classic cartoon characters so they look more fashionable and can fit into designer clothing. Fuck that. Suppose I can't get upset over cartoons though. At least not much.

There is a god. Jersey shore is getting canceled after this season. The cast probably doesn't care though. They're laughing all the way to the bank. They are each paid $150,000 dollars per episode. Spoiled brats and whores.

I absolutely hate it when a girl rejects me and says she isn't ready to date yet, and the next day or two is hooking up with another guy. Rejection is whatever, but don't make up a lame ass excuse such as I need more time and then start dating a day later.

I just read where a priest says that children are the ones seducing the clergy which leads to these scandals and he called Sandusky a poor man in that regard. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. How does someone think that? Children can't seduce. Even if they did, it's the priest's fault they acted on that sick urge. There are no excuses for that kind of behavior. They are the ones at fault for their crimes. PERIOD.

The world may have to go vegetarian by 2050 according to scientists. The water crisis is worsening and cannot keep up with human population growth. Livestock can't be maintained and we will have to severely limit meat intake.

I am thankful for the nostalgia trip I get when I visit Toonami Aftermath. That and it's back on Adult Swim. I think other than the shows that it played was I loved the music. That ambient techno.

I think my stream is about dried up for now... I guess I'm just kind of tired and melancholy today. I'll leave for now with a song that makes me kind of think of a paradise and that thought makes me feel kind of feel giddy. I know I've been posting more videos with everything lately, but music is starting to speak in ways that I've never felt before...



The mellow mood of the song contrasted with the stormy sea is a little odd, but nice.

[Wanderlust94]

I read about the Disney character thing the other day and I think is pathetic. I prefer the original characters that look happier, healthier and less vain.

It's just stupid. Not only does it kind of hit you in the childhood, but it perpetuates the whole ideal of consumerism and that skinny is the only true form of beautiful. I know they need to stay current to make their money, but why not make new characters then? Why take the classics and ruin them? Many people are actually upset about it. I feel like I'm taking it a little too seriously though.

[refugee]

I've started writing stream of consciousness on paper recently. I write about 3 pages every morning as soon as I wake up. It's quite interesting what comes out. I think it's much better than checking your local news.

I got the tip from Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Artists-Wa.../dp/0874776945

Morning Pages (3 pages of longhand morning writing).

http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

[tabloesque]

Does anyone ever write a response but end up deleting it because it feels stupid? I've responded to 5 different posts in the past 20 minutes. I just never clicked the submit button. Sometimes, after writing furiously at night...when morning comes, I feel embarrassed and end up wishing no one had read what I wrote...and so I proceed to delete it. I want to know how people are able to write and share their private thoughts with the world. Do they even feel awkward afterwords?

[zallla]

@tabloesque, if I was not feeling like you just described, I would probably have twice as much posts as I have now. Perhaps I would NOT have been thanked twice as much though




I feel something is missing but I don't know what